To take an extra sibling if not allowed? Super Selective Grammar School visit.

[NameChanger206]

DS is in year 5, currently preparing for 11 plus for grammar schools in Sutton. One of the schools has a ticketed visit early next week. both of us and DS1 want to see the school (if he gets offered a place it will be very difficult for us to decide having not all seen it) however we have no one to watch our younger DS (yr 2). It says 3 tickets per family, but I’m wondering if IWBU to bring DS2 as we are not sure how to handle it otherwise

There are 12 visiting slots for Wilson over 4 days. Why can't one of you go another day? Also, the early ones aren't too late for play dates at all. You'd be done by 5.30.

He's not 2.

I'm going to go against the grain... It says max 3 but there are always some people with more. It will be fine. If there's a shortage of seating I'm sure one of you can stand or the 7yo can sit on your lap.

And as for ruining your chances with the school etc, honestly that's just silly!

(I'm one of the ones who always sticks to the numbers btw then wonders why I bothered afterwards)

I would call and ask if you could bring DS2. I would explain that if you can’t bring him (which you would understand) only one parent can accompany DS1 and then you would like to arrange a separate appointment so the other parent can also view the place, or swap with the other parent during the viewing if that would be convenient.

I definitely wouldn’t just turn up with DS2.

Just email the admissions office and ask.

Your childcare issues are not the schools problem. Book a sitter.

Respect the rules. You aren't special, going into this expecting rules to just be overriden for you is pretty entitled. This is a situation where can't have what you want/whats easiest for you & you need to accept that

I think a number of posters are imagining that this is like a certain kind of exclusive independent school, where open events are actually an audition for the school to look at your family and see if your faces fit and you are the right sort for the school.

Wilson's is a state school. Yes, it's highly competitive but like any other state school, admissions are determined by the application of the published admissions criteria in a clearly-defined order of priority. As a teacher, I've certainly remembered families from open events - usually for good reasons, very occasionally for less good ones - and it's desirable to make a good first impression but there is pretty much nothing that a family could do at an open event which would preclude their child from getting a place if they otherwise met the admissions criteria.

Read the OP properly, the other child is about 7 years old , not 2 years old !!
Anyhow , I understand why the evening is ticketed because it could get overcrowded.
One of the schools my children went to would have set up a supervised play / craft room for siblings which would be supervised by volunteer parents but it was a fairly small school .
It could be worth asking the school and if the response is no , then you will need to organise a babysitter if you both really need to see the school together.
If one of my neighbours was in your situation I’d happily pop round and mind their 7 year old for an evening ( I’m older and have 3 adult children)

Maybe you should also take a flashing neon sign that says 'I am a disorganised and entitled parent'.

It’s a selective school: they literally select who will attend. One of the major reasons they are so successful is that they can expect to rely on the full support of parents and guardians. They don’t have to waste any resources on dealing with pupils whose parents or guardians who do not back them up.

This is accepted as making a significant contribution to their success.

At the very least, I would contact the school well in advance to understand what might be possible.

If on your first contact with them, you are already flaunting their rules without even checking with them, they will know what to expect if they offer your child a place.

However brilliant your child is, if you want them to be offered a place, it would not be a great idea to give them any reason to select against your child and their family.

That's not context. It's just information.

Its not an event suitable for younger siblings anyway.

I dont get why you even think about it. Either one of the parents or someone else has to watch the other child.

Breaking rules and being rude just because you arent able to figure out solutions sounds entitled to me.

That may be true @NameChanger206 - I did not say it would affect the child's chance of getting a place which will be purely on merit.

My DDs have been through the system and it is very fair.

However you casually skipped over what I said which is that OP needs to expand her support network.

Also the sense of entitlement that you can think you can just take a younger sibling to an event that is ticketed and you have been expressly told not to bring other people tells to, me a lot about you and OP. If there are limitations to an event you can't just do whatever you want - unless you are a person lacking in self awareness. Are you? Do you not think there are other families without siblings to juggle? @NameChanger206 - would you just take your younger one to a ticketed event where you have been expressly told not to?

If so, why?

OP needs to get a babysitter like a normal person who can follow rules. She is not an exception in any way.

This is not how super-selective state school admissions work.

If nobody stuck to the numbers, the school would get more militant about refusing parents in bigger groups at the door though (because there would otherwise be too many people in the school). So you are doing a good thing. People can only get away with turning up with extras because the school know that a few people doing it is ok. And it's ok due to people like you.

But, I agree, it's annoying to be the one that sticks to the "rules" when lots of others don't bother.

This is funny. I haven’t casually skipped over anything. It’s not a requirement to address every point in a post.

For what it’s worth, I agree with you. I have no local family and have worked hard to build a reciprocal support network. I do not think OP should take the sibling.

I hope you’ll forgive me if I leave it there and don’t offer a precise, itemised acceptance or rebuttal for the remainder of your post

Have you asked the school? They may say that it’s fine or they may not. Always worth asking first.

I'm having that for my Fact Collection: "Grammar school tours are too hot" 😄

I would message and ask. Also try different days. I think years ago the grammar schools used to do some daytime tours which were handy for parents.

Fair enough. So organise care for your other child. Use a babysitting agency if needed as a one off. That’s your solution and you could have done it in the time taken to post here. Your child is old enough and verbal so there would be no issues with an agency babysitter for the afternoon/evening.

If you're near Wilsons, you're in London/Croydon, it's not like there's no babysitters available. Just book one - not having used them before isn't a reason never to start. Saying you don't have childcare support is a fib when you can have childcare, you'd just rather not.

Surely the sibling may also distract the older child. Or ask the school whether it is possible.

Nobody has childcare at the click of their fingers. What an odd thing to assume.

We build up relationships so we can cover for each other. The quickest easiest thing would be for the OP to cast her mind back to the last three parents she helped out in similar circumstances and ask them.

While childcare can be difficult, I found it was really important, when looking at schools, to be able to focus on the child for whom a big decision is being spoken about and not have to worry about (amusing, keeping quiet, explaining to) a younger sibling.

Definitely do not take your younger child. Apart from all the other reasons stated your older child may feel very awkward being the only one with a younger sibling in tow! Don’t embarrass him right from the start.