To take an extra sibling if not allowed? Super Selective Grammar School visit.

[NameChanger206]

DS is in year 5, currently preparing for 11 plus for grammar schools in Sutton. One of the schools has a ticketed visit early next week. both of us and DS1 want to see the school (if he gets offered a place it will be very difficult for us to decide having not all seen it) however we have no one to watch our younger DS (yr 2). It says 3 tickets per family, but I’m wondering if IWBU to bring DS2 as we are not sure how to handle it otherwise

If siblings and both parents of everyone went to these events it would be ridiculous though. Have you done any secondary tours, they really arent suitable for 7 year old. Its about the child in question, there will be lots of formal walking around and talks etc. Not suitable for a 7 year old at all. It just needs one of you to go at this stage, he hasnt even got a place yet.

I am sure if you explain to a classmate parent they would take your child as an one off. Our could you ask staff at the wrapround care if they could babysit as a one off. It is holiday time so someone maybe delighted with the extra money.

How about one of you goes to this open evening and the other goes to the next?

If DH isn't able to share the information, then OP could go to the event and DH could stay with the younger sibling.

Just get in touch with them, explain the situation and ask.
Even if you hate doing that stuff it's necessary. Don't just turn up with an extra person. It's rude and entitled!

It's likely they will have a second event before you have to name schools. Check their website for dates or contact the school and ask.

You could ring the school and ask about taking your younger child but be prepared for a no have a back up plan.

If they are making it a ticketed event this may be based on their previous experience. Too many extras make it hard for talks to be listened too,. tours to be given etc...
If you took it to the extreme if everyone took 1 extra person that would be 50% more people than planned for.

Call and explain, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Do not contact the school to ask. That’ll mark your card negatively.
You have two options:
you find a babysitter of some sort or more realistically, just one parent goes.

The event planned by the school would be a very different event if everyone felt free to bring uninvited younger children along. Three tickets is obviously meant for the parents and the child who is a candidate for a place. If you can bring your year 2 child along invited why can't someone else bring their toddler along invited? Unless it is fine for anybody to bring more kids than the ticket allows, it is very entitled of you to do so.
If you can't get a sitter the best alternative is for one parent to go along with the candidate. There are probably quite a few families where only one parent can attend for this reason. The school knows that most families are likely to have more than one child. Hence only 3 tickets ...There will probably be a serious talk in the hall and possibly various things presented by each department which could be spoilt be restless younger siblings tagging along.

No it really isn’t fine.

Uninvited ...not invited 😁

Your only option is to call the school, and ask if you can bring your younger child, due to childcare issues. State that you'd like your husband to be there as well as you, so an informed decision can be made, regarding your eldest.

If the school tell you no, then unfortunately, regardless of what you may want, one adult will need to stay at home to be with your youngest.

It's far better to ask, rather than turning up on the day, to be told only one adult can attend. Ignoring the information you've been given, wouldn't show you in a good light as parents.

Of course it's nicer to both see the school as parents, but
a) how disruptive to others on the tour will your younger child be if the tour is later in the evening?
b) can you both actually concentrate on the tour when you're also handling a tired younger sibling and how will this affect your older child?
c) Don't you trust each other to ask the relevant questions, get a feel for the place during the tour, and to report back on the visit? DH and I split up often for (minor) hospital visits, school visits etc., and know/trust the other will report back all the necessary info.

Finally, eldest child had to pick his seconday school in the 2nd corona winter. Children were allowed in the schools for tours, but only online evenings for parents... That was seriously "leap of faith" territory....

God, just organise yourself, op!
If you really can’t rustle up childcare from somewhere, you can’t both go, it really is that simple.

Youre not clued up to how these things work op. My kids are in Super selective London schools and little things like this are noticed. It’s ticketed so your name will be marked off a list and you will be handed name tags.

Attended an open day recently where it stated that no kids were expected to be present(meaning the prospective child)and it was two places per family. So clearly reading in between the lines it meant just parents and definitely no siblings.

One lady brought her child and must have thought 2 meant any two people. Child was quite disruptive and kept running back and forth for the breakfast spread. The panel of staff giving the talk were disrupted a few times…and noticed.

So you have some options. Why isn’t your Y2 in school? Surely he can have a play date at his friends?

Clearly you have no clue how these things work. Based on what are you so certain it will be fine?

She already knows the answer to that, though.
Portraying herself as an idiot who has to have it explained to her in words of one syllable is unlikely to advance op’s case in any positive way.

It may be ‘noticed’ but it will have no bearing on the admissions process. It’s remarkable how deep these misconceptions run, even amongst parents with children in these schools.

Ring them and ask. It may be they are only trying to stop hordes of grandparents and won't mind the odd small child. PP did say they were there last year and there were plenty of extra siblings. They are selling their product at the end of the day, no matter how competitive the entrance is.

Or if finding childcare is really completely impossible you could all go, and if challenged one of the adults sits out in the car.

Normally I'm a rule follower but I have been to enough open days to know that often no one's really counting the numbers or interested in whether there's an extra very small person there. Getting childcare would be easier though and long term a nut you'll have to crack sometime.

When people say they have no childcare support, it would be helpful to give context as to why not. Otherwise you’re not really giving the whole picture for others to advise on. So, are you saying you have no friends, he has no friends, you have no neighbours who would do it, there’s no paid for babysitting or childcare available in your area at all? Because that’s all quite unusual. If the above are all true, then you’re in a very vulnerable position for emergencies so I would work on resolving that.

The thing is it’s not really an emergency, where of course we would ask neighbours or friends. DS (age 7) has friends he could go to for a play date but I feel quite cheeky asking late into evening (we would be back by 8pm) which is past bed time for some of his friends with younger siblings. There are mixed views on the grammar system amongst both friendship groups so it would be viewed as cheeky amongst those I could ask for other reasons.

ive never needed to use a babysitting agency before - do people really leave their kids with at hoc strangers, even for a few hours?

But you have to sign in. They absolutely count the numbers.

I would phone and ask if, if I call on the day to check, there might be a spare ticket available for your younger child. Some people won't need all 3 and some people might cancel last minute.
If you explain that you have seen the rules but you have no child care, you are really keen on the school and would love it if both parents can attend but that you would need to bring your other child they might say they have space.

I can't see how that would cause anything negative, it's just a question. If they say no then just one of you goes.

Do you have any friends or neighbours with a teen child who you could pay to babysit?

Tbh, OP, I didn't use babysitting services or neighbours either. So if it was restricted attendance to something, just me or my husband went 🤷🏻‍♀️