AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

[Letfree]

Okay, new to having adult kids, no previous experience.
I have twin daughters who have just completed Alevels. Turned 18 in April.
What time are 18 year olds meant to be home? They are going clubbing with their friends as an after exams celebration and want to return at 5am! They say the clubs don't open before 12 or close until 4am and they'll need to travel back. Is this normal? Did your 18yo have a curfew? Could they just come back home the next day?

Aibu to think they should be home by midnight?

Before Alevels, they came home by 10pm most nights. They'll be going to uni this year and can do what they like then.

My parents were immigrants so I had a totally different childhood from most. I had to be home by 9pm most nights and it didn't seem strange to me at the time. When i went to uni, I went out but didn't really enjoy it much. I don't feel i missed anything. When I returned home, I was still back by 9pm at the very latest every night.

I'm a single mom so don't have anyone to discuss this with. My girls and their friends are pretty good kids. I don't want to restrict them but I don't want to abandon them either. I won't be worried as such, just want to do the right thing. Please tell me what you do.

If anyone I was living with’s behaviour caused me upset I would raise it with them like an adult. Not throw my weight about huffing about “rules”. Power hungry.

Do you mean a ‘grown woman’? Of course they are responsible for not waking up the entire house when they get in from a night out.

But what they do outside the home is their responsibility and at some point you have to let go and hope they have the skills to navigate their lives.

But they are adults. Imaginebeing an adult and your mum demanding you home. I was working in a bar at that age! You not sleeping is on you not them.

Curfews might work if you’ve got a sweet, biddable teen who is anxious to please. What happens though if they ignore your curfew? Are you going to throw them out? Lock them in their rooms? Put them on the naughty step?.

You need to teach your DCs how to be safe on nights out not treating them like they are 10.

No curfew - and yes that meant coming home at 5am. Completely normal. It’s what I did!

Understanding risk, respect for themselves/others and communication rules are more important than a curfew IMHO Make sure they’re aware of the dangers that can go with clubbing, drinking, flaky friends etc. Be really open with them. Educate yourself.

I didn’t give curfews after GCSE’s. But asked them to let me know plans and always text when they’re ‘home’.

I’d be pretty disappointed if I’d raised a selfish oaf that regularly disturbed the household blundering round after a night out or bringing back randoms. Fortunately this hasn’t been an issue they were brought up to know that wasn’t acceptable.

We can’t allow our anxieties to limit what our young adults do … the summer after a levels is a fantastic time for them. Let them enjoy it before they have to start bloody studying again 🤦‍♀️

Speak to them about coming home quietly and not disturbing people and getting home safely, but def no curfews.

Mine have left home now and I do remember the anxiety when I got up for a wee at 3am and saw an empty bed. But that’s for me to deal with …

I miss the pre drinks in our kitchen, the youthfulness and energy … the music .. before they headed into town. Happy days 🥂💃

I can honestly say I never really caused any problems for my mum and dad behaviour wise.

But id have absolutely ignored any "curfew" they tried to impose at 18.

No curfew here when mine were 18 either. Now my 2 are 22 and 19 and back for the summer-they just tell me where they are going and if they are stopping at friends. Just out of respect and so I know whether to bolt the front door when I go to bed.
OP I know this is a strange time but you have got this.

My super strict mum imposed an 11 curfew when I was this age and it meant I left stuff alone all the time instead of coming coming in a group. It was actually really unsafe. Or I would break curfew and she'd be mad with worry for no reason. Don't make your daughters the odd ones out OP. Totally get the traditional values/upbringing but it sounds like they're British kids doing normal fun stuff. I'm glad to hear they're bothered going clubbing :)

No curfew, thry are adults. Although it is your house so put a curfew if you wish.. but then they can also just move out and not come back again if they wish too as they are adults now.

I know myball we are at that exact stage year 12 with second and I love it. Trying not to think of how quiet the house will be when she’s gone!

I did impose a curfew on mine last night but they have a competition over the weekend and a massive late night would have put paid to that.

Wow. No way an 18 year old needs a curfew. In the 90’s, I’d go out Friday and not be home until Sunday and there were no mobile phones. Ridiculous idea

Outside the home, yes, definitely. In my home, my business.

They might be a grown woman but they aren't really independent and living as a grown adult if they live in my house. I left home and was running my own home at 17. That's when I started making the house rules.

My curfew was 10pm on weekends. Yes, I agree, it's a disaster. No-one else has to be home at that time so you're really causing a problem for the group plans and less likely to be included.

During the week it was 9, 9.30 for certain things. I got home once at 9.32 after relying on someone else for transport. All hell broke loose.

No curfew, they are adults.

Mine didn't have a curfew after GCSEs.
16 year olds should be able to self regulate on school ( sixth form/college) / work nights. Still needing a curfew is a failing. I also think going from a midnight curfew at home to living in a new city at university where anything goes isn't wise.

My two oldest DC are 20 & 21. They never had a curfew. They always told me where they were going, who with & if they expected to return home or go elsewhere (mates house etc).

They also both wanted me to have their Snapchat location turned on so I could check where they were (this was their idea not mine).

I did worry abit at first but thats my worry, not theirs, & I didn't share it with them as they should not be responsible for my feelings towards a very normal part of growing up. It quickly went & now Ill go to sleep regardless of them being out & dont wait for them to get back in.

Also, my oldest stayed out until 4am after his gcses to celebrate (with my agreement) so im genuinely shocked you're thinking of telling your 2 adult daughters to be home by midnight. They are adults & with each other so I see no problem with them staying out until they want to come back!

My DD17 went out clubbing for the first til 4am a week before her A-levels. She was really good at communicating and surprising for me I didn’t worry and fell asleep before she got home and didn’t wake up when she couldn’t make her key work.

i can’t imagine giving her a curfew when she is 18! And she probably wouldnt take any notice.

You will learn to sleep/not worry anyway. Oldest is at Uni and you do get used to it. I’m still resentful of my parents not letting me do stuff when I was younger and I just pretended I was at friends anyway!

Mine always come home at 5ish because the clubs kick out at 4am and then they have something to eat and get the bus. They like to wait until the buses started rather than get an uber. Thrifty! They don’t make a noise when they come in.

I don’t see the point in stopping them because you will be worried. They have to live their lives and that’s what people do when they are eighteen. I wouldn’t give my husband a curfew either. Or accept one for myself.

You are supposed to bring your children up to be decent adults who are capable of making decisions and who are going to live a full and happy life.

I don’t know why 2am is safer than 4am really. Especially at the moment with the light mornings. Isn’t it safer to leave the club with everyone else rather than on your own at 2am?

Home by midnight is unkind. You are stopping them from going to a nightclub when they are eighteen years old. That is restricting them. And saying you didn’t want to go to nightclubs isn’t relevant.

My DSs are 20&21 and we are in London. No curfew but I ask roughly what time they’ll be back and to text if plans change. They get back v late fairly regularly (both back from uni) but are considerate and not too noisy. One is now working in a bar and his shifts finish at 1 or 2 but then they clean up… I’m just glad he’s earning some money.

This is exactly my sentiments. You decide what goes in your own home. Similar to yourself I have health problems where I need to have good quality sleep so I won't tolerate being disturbed. DS was given three chances to be quiet and show respect and he blew it. So we have had to find workarounds. I said if he wants to make loads of noise he can come in any time when he buys his own place. Can make as much noise as he likes then.

Also like yourself I have younger children in the family to consider. They are not waking up to use a bathroom that their eldest sibling has just vomited everywhere in. No way (and yes I have had to clean it all up after midnight before my younger ones woke at 6am). Never again.

No curfew
but out of courtesy if they are not going to be coming home and they are going to their mates a little text to say they are at their friends house would be good

or
if they are coming home please don’t be loud