AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

[Nowarunner2026]

Last year I was offered a place in the London Marathon via the Ballot. It is something I have always wanted to do, albeit I am an occasional runner (I ran 5k maybe every few weeks, much prefer walking or swimning) but it's a bucket list thing like i am sure it is for many people

Everyone was supportive and really encouraging, father in law brought me some running related gifts for my birthday, as did other family members etc. Everyone except DH. He threw the biggest strop ever, called me selfish for even thinking about it (we have 2 children 9 and 4) and accused me of sacrificing family time for some stupid dream. Says the man who goes to football every weekend, up ubtil recently worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) still does shifts on occasion, and will doesn't think twice about going away with his friends

For whatever reasons I had to defer from last year (a knee injury which is now recovered and some family illnesses) and I still have my place this year as I was able to defer

Mentioned it to DH again and he refuses to talk about it. Point blank won't engage. Says that I he won't support me. Won't come and watch. Won't look after the kids when I want to go running etc.

I do understand that training for it is going to take time, especially early next year but it's also only for a few months, where as he has gone to football every weekend for 10+ years (including away games)

If this was you, would you expect some support for a short period ? Or am I being unrealistic?

@Nowarunner2026

OK, now I have RTFT - it’s got worse!

Agreed, you don’t just have a marathon problem!

Make notes of his behaviour, you can do a lot of reflection when running, I’m sure you’ll see more when you start looking back.

Really glad you have a training plan and support.

Wishing you all the best!

Do the marathon.
Use friends and family for childcare if they offer.
And tell them why you are stuck. Shame him. He deserves it. Phrase it nicely - don't suppose you are doing anything sat afternoon? I need to do a run, if you are free would you be willing to take kids to soft play with yours? I'll cover cost. No DH not around unfortunately, he's not that supportive of it but it's really important to me so I was hoping I could ask you for help and I'll pay it forward.'
Marriage is difficult and different for all - only you can tell if you are happy.
I would not put up with this behaviour from my DH.

I’m really glad to see from your last post that you realise he’s the problem. That is the first step and it is surprising how often women don’t want to admit it. Keep strong about your running. Use it to think. I imagine he will make it very difficult to go, but go you MUST. Even if you have to set off when he’s on the loo. Remember there can’t possibly be anything wrong with extending the exact same courtesy he does which is possibly a cheery bye at the door when he’s going out to do whatever he wants. You’re asking for a tiny tiny slice. Do it.
once you’ve got the strength, start stealthily getting your ducks in a row.

Ask for help from anywhere and everywhere- friends, family. Have a brilliant marathon and after you’ve crossed the finish line keep on running - far away from your sabotaging twat of a DH

I saw a video the other day from a woman who pointed out that men like your DH are basically objecting to you donating your 'labour' to another recipient - whether that's an employer, a friend, a family member or yourself. If the effort you're making isn't directly benefiting him (in fact it's causing a temporary minor inconvenience) or your home and children, he thinks he has the right to block it. Which I'm sorry to say probably means he doesn't respect you or see you as an equal with your own life and choices.

It boils down to you needing to say 'don't tell me what to do'.

Once you've crossed that finish line, keep running, and never look back!

What an absolute cunt he is.

Your husband sounds like he’s being a petulant knob who’s throwing a tantrum because he doesn’t want to look after his own children.

But I also have to say that I would be unimpressed if DH unilaterally decided to commit to something like a marathon that meant a training regime which would significantly impact on our family time and my available leisure time.

I’ve been through similar before with his bloody cycling and the amount of time it takes up is maddening.

However, it sounds like he owes you some time back in return for all his football jollies.

I’ve now read all OP’s posts and it’s obvious that her husband is an insufferable prick and likely emotionally abusive into the bargain.

Use those running shoes to get as far away from as fast as you possibly can.

Running is excellent thinking time OP. Stick to your training plan and use that thinking time wisely.

if your kids are 9 and 4 you could take them with your for some of the midweek shorter runs (scooter and/or bike). It’s good to just get miles in so it doesn’t matter too much if it’s slow or stop start. A fit 4 yo can probably do a 3-4 mile evening run with you if they are on a scooter or balance bike. A 9yo could do 8 miles easily on a bike. After school on a summer evening it’s a nice thing to do with them too, they often like racing so you can do a bit of interval pace with them.

So, take stock properly look at what you both are putting in and taking out of your relationship. Maybe start looking for a job outside the home full time, commute, training days and work on your future earning, exact same as him. You will always come last in this relationship if you let yourself. He doesn't want to parent and doesn't have too cause your doing it. Maybe try a few days away visiting or trip with friends without doing any arranging of food, shopping childcare and let him work it out. Not for a second am I standing up for him, but I do think it must be so easy as a man as the world practically tells them from childhood how much they should be catered for, it would seem unbelievable that he should have to take childcare on as well as work!!! And football!!! If you just had too stamp your foot or say no and you continued to have all your needs met, I fear I would try it too!

Life’s too short to be around people like him. Sounds like my ex.

I'd draw up a divorce plan while you're at it.

This

Please, please run the marathon. And then keep going, like Forrest Gump, towards a whole new life.

Start with getting him to use his watch to wake him up on his early mornings. I mean that's just obvious.

If he thinks you'll wake him when you get up early for training, can you sleep in a separate room? Sofa bed?

Really there's no need for the pass agg "I'm busier than you are, I work longer hours than you do, I have less free time than you do" manoeuvres in your marriage until you sit down calmly and have it out.

If you're posting on Mumsnet because you're approaching the end of the line - then you should be speaking to him first.