DDs friends dad is a Prick

[Roadislikeabuildingsite]

Dd has a friend on the road who comes to stay regularly with her cousins and play, Dd plays with her but they have a love-hate relationship really. She’s the only child Ive seen Dd argue with, I’ve tried to cool things between them, but they still love to play together a lot of the times.
This friend often calls over the fence to Dd and vice versa to play. When friends dad is there, her friend isn’t allowed to our house, even though this child is the issue/hard work and the mum agrees, but she’s just a child
The other day, Dd heard her playing in the garden and called to ask if she was there and her dad loudly shouted back ‘No!’ and it all went quiet. Dd came inside a bit confused/upset

Was this a mean thing for him to do? What would you do?

I think this is a massive fuss over nothing really. Your family and this family are not mixing well and the less of it that is encouraged, the better. I'd just put a stop to it - obviously the kids don't really get on, the parents don't get on, you don't like the other kid, the dad doesn't like your kid... it's a shame you're stuck next to each other but with some discouragement the children will stop pushing to hang out and you can all cordially ignore each other.

Likely as you’ve misread. It’s not his house, they are visiting.

Just because his child is "the naughty one" it doesn't mean he's not allowed to say no to them playing.

Maybe he doesn't want his child to be naughty which happens when she plays with your dd? His dd might be all wound up when she gets back and he can't be doing with it.

Maybe he almost laughed because the irony of saying no one's here amuses him. Some people have a weird sense of humour.

This is why having friends next door isn't always such a good thing, imo. Sometimes you just want peace and quiet, and having to find a way to politely decline interaction in a way that won't ruffle any feathers can be tiring. He wasn't polite, no, but as you yourself have wanted to limit the girls' negative interactions, maybe it's not such a bad thing if this leads to them spending less time together.

This is exactly what I assumed was the reason for the laugh. Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers.

It exactly what my dad used to do!

I agree with this. He has thrown you a bone here and made it a lot easier for you to encourage the relationship to fizzle out.

Sounds like someone is annoyed their free childcare fell through...

He is not under any obligation to host your dd round his house.

I would hate a child shouting over the fence to my family. It would make me feel like we were constantly being monitored in our garden. Add to that there’s a difficult dynamic between the 2 children, I don’t blame him for attempting a “NO” that will get your kid to back off a bit and give them some privacy in their own garden.

Neither child should be allowed to disturb the other family through the hedge/over the fence

You’re being over dramatic and making a mountain out of a molehill.

But isn’t shouting “no” a joke?

As in, I hear my neighbours chatting and shout “hey Liz, are you there…” and they shout “no!” and laugh because of course they’re there, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to hear them and they wouldn’t be able to answer. That’s the joke.

It’s definitely in the realms of a ‘dad joke’.

And about him not wanting her to play - if he’s not always there maybe he doesn’t see his daughter and/or family much and wants to. He’s taken his DC to play with her cousins, not the neighbourhood kids.

🤣 I love this!! Think you’ve got the nail on the head!

Surely hes done you a favour then? Keeping this naughty child from you?

I clicked on this thread so ready to agree with you, but in fairness, no he’s not. Not for this anyway.
He’s probably sick of them fighting, he might think she needs downtime by herself, he might want to spend time with her. Regardless it’s doing you a favour and you should discourage your DD asking her to play if she’s so unpleasant!! It’s also rude to shout over the fence.

What a drama over nothing. Is DD a PFB by any chance?

My NDN has young kids who frequently call over the fence to me and my teenage boys (usually whilst bouncing on their trampoline). It’s annoying when I’m trying to just relax outside but I remember what mine were like at that age so I usually let it go. Occasionally, when I’m finding them particularly irritating, I do shut them down (“No, I can’t talk to you now”) or ignore them.

You’ll do your DD a great disservice if you raise her to think everyone has to be nice to her.

my Child had a toxic relationship with a neighbour. I was so please when they moved away. They loved to play together but couldn’t be nice! Never had that issue anywhere else! At some points I could face them playing together so lied and said she wasn’t in, when she clearly was. I think you need to tell your child to play with her less.

When friends dad is there, her friend isn’t allowed to our house,

You knew this and yet still let your daughter bug them yelling across with Dad there. No was rather polite under the circumstances, considering there was company there and your daughter was interrupting people in a whole other yard.

Almost laugh? Surely you either do it or you don’t?

No, he's not being nasty. Probably just sick to death of your kid bugging his peace by shouting over the fence, or both of the kids arguing. I used to have a neighbours kid always wanting to be around and shouting over the gate and it's fecking annoying when you just want to potter/sit.

I agree with this. My child is an adult now but next doors kids are constantly shouting or talking over the fence when all I want to do is chill in my garden quietly with a book. I think people forget how annoying their kids can be

He didn’t have to be mean but he was entitled to say ‘no’

Aibu? 80% says yes. No I'm not... if anything it's better for you he said no now no more issues of bad behavior since they won't be playing together.

Your making a mountain out of a molehill, he didn’t swear or make a scene, he just said no. Let it go, your child will hear no a million times over the years, you can’t react like this every time.

.....And if he was?