DDs friends dad is a Prick

[Roadislikeabuildingsite]

Dd has a friend on the road who comes to stay regularly with her cousins and play, Dd plays with her but they have a love-hate relationship really. She’s the only child Ive seen Dd argue with, I’ve tried to cool things between them, but they still love to play together a lot of the times.
This friend often calls over the fence to Dd and vice versa to play. When friends dad is there, her friend isn’t allowed to our house, even though this child is the issue/hard work and the mum agrees, but she’s just a child
The other day, Dd heard her playing in the garden and called to ask if she was there and her dad loudly shouted back ‘No!’ and it all went quiet. Dd came inside a bit confused/upset

Was this a mean thing for him to do? What would you do?

Sounds like maybe you had to actually be there to understand tone of voice etc, as from the description I'm struggling to see this as an issue tbh.

Maybe it has absolutely nothing to do with the girls squabbling or whose child is the instigator. Maybe she just got him at a bad time.

🤦‍♀️

I give up.

no, he's not being nasty. Saying no is not being nasty.

You are being very dramatic, firstly by calling his child “naughty / awful” and then being so offended that her dad shouted no. If the kid is as bad as you say, then you should be happy about this. This is some serious overthinking about a non issue.

I think it’s pretty nasty to call another child naughty and awful, FWIW….

Perhaps teach your daughter not to shout out to people eho are enjoying being in their garden.

If I was in my back garden with my family and a neighbour's kid srarted shouting forczn invitation, I'd resent it too.

He doesn't want they playing together clearly - as yoru DD not allowed round when he's there - and is fed up of your DD asking by shouting.

Was he mean - a little but think your DD was a bit rude shouting even if other girl does it.

I'd discourage her from playing with the girl going forward.

I don't really understand why you're so pressed at this. Sure, it's rude. But it sounds like your daughter has not yet been exposed to the rudeness of adults, and while it's not a lesson that she should have to learn, unfortunately for the human race there are some unpleasant rude people about and she needs to know that so she can develop a tough skin about it.

He doesn't like your kid, so she's very unlikely to be invited when he's there.

I think it's fair to say, for whatever reason, he doesn't like your child or doesn't want your child over at his place. Maybe he just doesn't want to deal with the inevitable fall out and it's not his problem if they are at yours.

Whats wrong with saying no has your child never heard this word before

This makes no sense. You think the girl causes trouble, and you want to 'cool' the friendship. When her dad does precisely this you call him names?
If my child behaved badly with someone I would not let them play with them again, surely this is good parenting??

Even with the five drip feeds where you aim to make his 'no' more and more fullsome and mean, I still dint think He's a dick. Let it go

Your dd could hear her friend so to ask if she was there was a silly question. If dad said no and then laughed he may have been sarcastic (i.e. of course she is there you can hear her.)

Ok but so what if it his child making the trouble. He hasn’t accused your dd of anything. He just said no.

No wonder children turn into snowflake adults with anxiety/no resilience if the word no is considered upsetting now.

If his sister and her children are there, he probably doesn't want an extra child who changes the dynamic and creates fall outs, whoever starts it.
And honestly, if I was spending time with my sister and her family, I wouldn't want another child either.
Was he rude? Yes. Were you rude for allowing your child to try to invite herself over? Also yes.

Stop your child shouting over the fence !
It’s incredibly rude.
I don’t think saying ‘ no ‘ is rude at all , he was being very clear .

not loving the way you talk about this little girl. How she’s the problem. How the mum agrees. How she’s mean. But aapparently you are not you can just say this stuff, and call the father a prick.

shes there visiting, the girls argue. The father was right.

I am not excusing the dad, he was too abrupt.

But, some people see shouting from one room to another as rude. So shouting across gardens is really going to piss some people off, especially if he is trying to relax in the back garden with his daughter.

And you have already said, his daughter shouts to yours when he is not there. So his daughter probably knows that her dad finds this rude.

Why not go around and knock if DD is desperate to play?

This has got to be a wind up. If it’s not, OP you need to grow some resilience and ensure you teach it to your daughter too. He said no. End of. I once told a child to go away when it kept on trying to engage with me in a restaurant and the parents were not discouraging it. Frankly, it had the desired effect. Did I care if the parents thought I was rude? No.

How old is your child? There comes a point you need to teach manners and shouting over the fence is not ok. If she wants to play she asks you.

and you’re doing your child no favours at all in blaming the other kid fully, it’s clear she also argues and sometimes doesn’t behave so insulting the little girl and blaming it all on her isn’t helping your child learn how to behave.

But you call her awful? You don’t think that came across?

Leave the child be, stop
allowing your child to pester, she was in her garden with her family laughing abd having fun. Why invite her over, then it’s conflict with your child and she’s upset.

He said no, that’s it!

Maybe you should just agree to ignore each other when shouting across the fence, or ONLY do it if the kids are in the back garden alone, I'd be annoyed at next doors kid shouting over when I've got family round, as it is obvious they want to come over and play.

If her behaviour is worse when she is with your daughter that is another reason why he wouldn't want to have her round when his sister and kids are there.

It was pretty mean of him to do it that way though, he was obviously playing to his 'audience'.

OP, you're being over sensitive.
The two children fight.
They both shout over the fence to attract the attention of the other one.
TBH they both sound as bad as each other, and the dad is probably sick of the constant bickering and shouting over the fence.