DDs friends dad is a Prick

[Roadislikeabuildingsite]

Dd has a friend on the road who comes to stay regularly with her cousins and play, Dd plays with her but they have a love-hate relationship really. She’s the only child Ive seen Dd argue with, I’ve tried to cool things between them, but they still love to play together a lot of the times.
This friend often calls over the fence to Dd and vice versa to play. When friends dad is there, her friend isn’t allowed to our house, even though this child is the issue/hard work and the mum agrees, but she’s just a child
The other day, Dd heard her playing in the garden and called to ask if she was there and her dad loudly shouted back ‘No!’ and it all went quiet. Dd came inside a bit confused/upset

Was this a mean thing for him to do? What would you do?

Why are you even posting on AIBU when you are fully confident you're not unreasonable and he was a dick who was rude to your child. Why not just post to vent about your dick neighbour instead.

This.
Also some men are scared to have a girl that isn't theirs round for fear of being accused of stuff. Sad and pathetic that is the case, but hey.

I don’t really, ive cooled it a lot but sometimes they are great together and are very happy playing together, it’s difficult when they’re nearby

His sister and cousins are there

He’s probably absolutely fed up of your child shouting over the fence while he’s trying to live his life! Teach her not to do that, it’s beyond rude!

😂This is hilarious as this is what his Dd does non stop when he isn’t there

Let it go.

Seriously. There is nothing to be done that is in any way going to make anything better for anyone in this situation.

You are overthinking it. He doesn't want his daughter playing with your dd and it sounds like you're not wild about the arrangement either. Just explain that the neighbour's kid is not always available and that that's fine. End of.

He’s obviously a Mumsnetter committed to his “little family” who thinks “No is a complete sentence.”

Well, that's a drip feed.
No, it's not mean to say no to a child sometimes, which is what your original post said before some disagreed with you.

Oh stop with the drip feeding, it makes you look silly.

She asked and he answered.

End of story.

Well in an ideal world he'd have called "Yes, she is here, but can't play with you at the moment". But in the scheme of things I don't think its anything to get upset about. The bigger problem is the ongoing 'friendship' between the two girls that doesn't seem to be making either of them happy. Perhaps his "no" is the full stop you need to bring that to a close.

I don't think he's a prick - perhaps he thinks your child is the naughty/awful one. Maybe your child is the only one that his child fights with. Or maybe it was his child who didn't want to play at tht time. I believe that children need to learn to navigate friendships (even tricky ones) but not every friendship should be encouraged and sometimes children should steer clear of each other. I'm not sure why you are so keen on this friendship when it brings so much drama - just encourage your daughter to play with other kids.

I think the issue is that he thinks your child is the issue/hard work and vice versa by the sounds of things.

No intentional drip feed, trying to explain how this was done, it wasn’t a clear no we’re not playing today, which is absolutely fine, it was a No as in a lie that they’re not there, when she knew they were, it was bitchy

Yes you’re probably right, which is frustrating but it is what it is, I just thought there could have been a kinder, more mature way of dealing with it

Let’s face it, it’s handy and convenient for your DD to play with this girl when she goes round to your house, even though they have a love hate relationship. Agree with pp, encourage your DD to play with other friends or by herself. Yes he was a bit rude but didn’t swear or shout more at her. As pp said maybe he would like his DD to spend time with the family she’s come to visit.

He may have been shouting it at his own DD, who may not take no for an answer and may have already been badly behaved that morning. If your DD or you knocked on the door and asked and he shouted that in your face, v different.

My NDN thinks I’m a dick for a similar reason. When they first moved in my then 3 yo DS asked if he could go play in their garden. I was busy WFH at the time but had my eye on him in our back garden. I said no because I figured he was just asking and she hadn’t actually approved it iykwim. Anyway she’s been off with me ever since so I guess she had told him to come ask me after all. She’s fine with my DH who always rabbits on to just about anyone anyway but off with me. This was like four years ago. I don’t care.

I don’t see the issue with ‘no’.

By the sounds of it there were a few people in the garden, likely mid conversation and/or play, so he may not have been almost laughing, or laughing, at your daughter specifically

Oversensitive. Your kid will come across people that don't like kids. You can explain that to her. Less of a shock when it happens to her in real life

Fair enough but would you allow her there when he’s there?

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ why are you so bothered by this?
You have complained A LOT about this little girl, even tried to cool the relationship between your DD and her.
What are we missing here? Why do you want to insist on playing between your DD and this little girl you say is mean?????

I don’t want to insist on them playing? I want to see if he’s being nasty

ven though this child is the issue/hard work

of course they are.

The dad is not being a prick at all, he's avoiding the drama you are complaining about.

The fact that you find it so "awful" to say no to a child says a lot.