DDs friends dad is a Prick

[Roadislikeabuildingsite]

Dd has a friend on the road who comes to stay regularly with her cousins and play, Dd plays with her but they have a love-hate relationship really. She’s the only child Ive seen Dd argue with, I’ve tried to cool things between them, but they still love to play together a lot of the times.
This friend often calls over the fence to Dd and vice versa to play. When friends dad is there, her friend isn’t allowed to our house, even though this child is the issue/hard work and the mum agrees, but she’s just a child
The other day, Dd heard her playing in the garden and called to ask if she was there and her dad loudly shouted back ‘No!’ and it all went quiet. Dd came inside a bit confused/upset

Was this a mean thing for him to do? What would you do?

Sounds to me like he thought he was being funny/clever and showing off in front of his child.
Obviously your daughter knew her friend was there because she heard her. Dad didn't want to engage with her at that point so just shouted no! Thinking he was being smart. Sounds like a bit of a twerp but he was spending time with his child.

From further post
Dd can’t go to the house when he’s there

Well again, perhaps he thinks that his dd is there to see her cousins and it's rude of her to invite other children into their house (And ignore them/inflict her squabbling with op's dd on them?)

Sounds like he's just being a parent.

Yes it was nasty.
He didn't have the patience to deal with your child.
Right or wrong and/or believes your kid is the problem/ makes it worse.
He finds the situation irritating.

I wouldn't let my kid go round and would limit the neighbours coming over to hardly ever. You are heading for disaster if they have a big fight and someone gets hurt.

We had next door playmates and at times it was extremely annoying to have persistent knocks on door, inconvenient company etc. He's fed up with it.

Totally agree! 👍

He could have handled it better but if the “friendship” is as you describe, then why are you encouraging it? It sounds like it’s best that the girls hang out less than more.

If the girls normally play when he’s not around then why did your dd call for her “friend”?

I’m trying to understand the scenario.

This child and the Dad don’t actually live next door?

They’re there to visit his sister and her children?

Maybe they want some family time and not to be interrupted from next door.

His response does sound rude but maybe has had enough of it all.

I suspect he is just irritated with the whole thing

Maybe, but it is mean to pretend you aren't there by saying 'no!', he wouldn't have laughed on reflex, or been embarrassed, he's laughed at his own 'joke' .. like answering your door and saying 'not today! then pretending to close it when a family member comes round.

"Are you there (kids name)?"... him "(No!) laughs"

But then I think it is rude of OP's kid to shout over when they obviously have company.

But kids are kids, and don't really think of things like social etiquette, they need to be taught, where as he's a grown up and could have just left his daughter to answer her then said no to attempt to play. He chose to be mean instead.

Well you all know she not allowed to so she’s pissing them off by keeping asking

OP, I can see this might not have been a nice experience for your DD but I think perhaps the arrangement of play dates by shouting over the fence is the problem. It isn't easy to decline without feelings being hurt.

The father has every right to allow or prevent his DD from playing with yours and doesn't owe you an explanation. I would put a more pleasant spin on it for your DD, perhaps, but would explain that people aren't always available and that maybe this isn't the ideal friendship to pursue. They don't sound compatible and you don't like the father. It isn't smooth sailing, is it? I am sure DD has other friends who would make less stressful play mates.

What does “almost laughing” sound like?

I would say he thought he was being funny saying no to the question “Is x there?” if, as you say, he and x were making noise in the garden. Maybe the response would have been different if your daughter had said “Hi x, want to play?” or Hi Mr Neighbour, can x come and play?”

Either way, your frustration seems ott as you wanted to cool things and now things are cool.

when he isn’t there

They are the key words I took from that, the friend shouts your DD when he isn’t there, maybe when he is there he doesn’t let her shout over.

That’s not being a prick
that’s being fed up with being pestered by someone else’s kid

😆

The whole yelling over the fence thing would drive me mad. Maybe he’d rather have a bit of peace and privacy in his garden?

I think he was just being sarcastic to be honest. Your daughter clearly knew that her friend was there as she could hear her so it was a pointless question.

For whatever reason this man does not like your daughter or want his daughter around yours. That is his choice. I would be telling your daughter not to shout over the fence anymore and wait to be invited to play.

So this isn’t actually his house right? The daughter comes to spend time with her cousins/family and sometimes dad comes along and sometimes he doesn’t. On that basis I’d say it is possibly a bit inappropriate for them to be playing together a lot if the daughter next door is mainly there to visit family etc. Especially if there’s lots of arguments. I’d say just cool the friendship off and ignore it all.

If the girl and the Dad laughed when he shouted no, you know where the girl gets her nastiness from.

Yes, sounds rude. I would politely say ' sorry, friend is not able to play atm. Maybe another time'

HRTFT…

you say he said ‘No!’, then change it to almost laughed after, to then laughed at your DD, back to sort of laugh - did he laugh or not?

Appreciate it’s not ideal but maybe his DD is coming back wound up/crying after they play

He could just be a knob though! Lol

You’ve already embellished your story when told he wasn’t necessarily a prick 😬. He still isn’t.
Stop encouraging the friendship when you’ve all had enough of the behaviour and it benefits nobody.

If this child is so bad (youve made out she is really) - surely this is a good thing!? Also the drip feeding when things weren't going your way really grates on mumsnet people 😂

Maybe, the dad thinks its YOUR child that sets off the bad behaviour in his kid and hes had enough.

I dont think it's nasty of him - but from this thread everyone can see you dont like him so youre never going to be positive about him anyway are you? Try and find new mates for your child.

They don’t live next door

Well it’s win win then isn’t it? You don’t like his DD because she’s mean, it sounds like he’s not fussed on the girls playing either and now he’s been rude to her so it’s a wonderful excuse to say ‘Leave Emily alone for a few weeks’ and distance the two girls.

He may have had a tough week at work and not wanting screaming little girls in the house on his weekend. I get that.

I’m not keen on this culture of neighbours kids coming in and out of houses at their own free will.