DDs friends dad is a Prick

[Roadislikeabuildingsite]

Dd has a friend on the road who comes to stay regularly with her cousins and play, Dd plays with her but they have a love-hate relationship really. She’s the only child Ive seen Dd argue with, I’ve tried to cool things between them, but they still love to play together a lot of the times.
This friend often calls over the fence to Dd and vice versa to play. When friends dad is there, her friend isn’t allowed to our house, even though this child is the issue/hard work and the mum agrees, but she’s just a child
The other day, Dd heard her playing in the garden and called to ask if she was there and her dad loudly shouted back ‘No!’ and it all went quiet. Dd came inside a bit confused/upset

Was this a mean thing for him to do? What would you do?

Your DD needs to ignore the child next door.

Maybe the dad is also sick of the fighting between the kids or wants to spend time with his daughter without a mate
I don’t think he’s a prick from what you’ve said

Maybe it just wasn’t a good time for her to play.

Maybe he just wants to avoid drama.

How does any of that make him a prick?

So it’s not mean to shout No then almost laugh when Dd heard her and knew she was there

There's nothing you can do. If he shouted 'no' and it went quiet she has to accept that that wasn't a good time for the friend to play.

If they communicate through shouting over fences, which is fine and common for young kids, you do have to accept that sometimes someone might be there but they still can't come and play.

Tell her not to worry and just keep playing with her whenever she can.

I don't think I'd be wise to try and speak to the dad. It will come off like criticism no matter how you frame it and could make relations worse.

Maybe the dad is pig sick of the fighting
He shouldnt have snapped of course but I expect he knows its just going to end up in them arguing and he's had enough.

He could have said his DD wasn’t free to play
but not I don’t think it’s inherently mean for a child to be told no

Because he shouted back no when dd asked jf she was there, when she clearly was there, then laughed and that he doesn’t let her play, when his child is the naughty/awful one sometimes

I have too, but he’s rarely there to know any of it and it’s his child making trouble

Why are you so keen for your child to play with the “naughty” onr
You’re the one making a mountain out of a mole hill on this

Then maybe its for the best they dont play together any more.

He literally said no. That’s it? All you have to do is acknowledge your child’s disappointment and say “never mind, you can play together another day. Let’s do xyz instead…” no one needs to confront anyone because they said no.

I'd be grateful he made himself the bad guy TBH....

You said yourself you want to cool their relationship and now you can without having to be the one to draw the boundary.

It would have been perfectly fine for him to have said they weren’t playing today, it was the way it was done, Dd called to ask if she was there (as her friend constantly does) she could hear them chatting and laughing, dad shouted no they weren’t there, they all went silent and he sort of laughed, seems mean the way it was done

Then he’s done you a favour hasn’t he? He’s been the one to say no and he’s the bad guy for it. You’re in the clear.

@Roadislikeabuildingsite Obviously the dad was rude but he did you a favour in the end.

When his child is the naughty/awful one sometimes

But from what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound clear that this man doesn’t know his child sometimes behaves poorly?

Maybe he should have said “X can’t play right now”. But we have some persistent (and fairly annoying) children next door who yell over the fence about playing with DDs, and sometimes I don’t want to get into a back and forth with them because they see any response as an opening to negotiate with me about it. Sometimes it’s just no.

Noone in my family or anyone I know would shout a loud No through the fence at a child. That does sound rude and quite jarring tbh. Even if he is sick of the arguing or he's only hearing his daughters side and thinks your DD is the problem he's an adult and should of been more polite. It's tricky for you to navigate isn't it really it's hard to keep them separate when they can just shout over the fence to each other. Perhaps say to your daughter it's not very polite to shout over the fence and that needs to stop but if we see her out the front you can ask her if she'd like to play. That way you aren't saying a blanket no but you are giving them less opportunities to interact

Yes it was exactly this, I find her friend very mean at times and she’s very persistent, but i’m not mean to her because i’m an adult, it was very rude and not kind the way it was done
Dd can’t go to the house when he’s there

So you’ve involved the friends mother saying she’s badly behaved, etc as you say the mother agrees?

Perhaps she agrees for a quiet life and the DF thinks it’s actually your child is the awful one, so
he doesn’t want his DD going to
your house.

You sound awful about the friend and clearly think your DD is an angel, so I think I’d not want my child going to yours.

I mean, he even laughed afterwards, he’s a dick to do that to a child
I also noticed the auntie (his sister and owner of house) was extra nice to Dd after that, they knew he was being awful and to a child

He gave your daughter an answer. You just didn't like the answer. I don't think he's a prick for that.

Tell your kid to stop bugging about playing together when she hears them outside.

Wow, not that at all! The mum approached me about her behaviour as she struggles with her with the cousins and other kids too. I was careful about what I said and put it down to them just being kids and would never be mean to the child or any child

If this DC is mean to your DD and is the one that causes most of the upset why do you even want her near your DD?

She very rarely’Bugs them’ it’s vice versa, she was calling to see if she was there to say hello