Ex wants me to lie to DS

[Magpiesinthegarden]

DS has broken his phone screen and it’s £200 to fix it. Ex and I have agreed that we will go 50/50 to pay for it to be fixed. Ex will take the phone in and I’ll send him the money.

Ex has said not to tell DS he’s paying me half towards it as DS wouldn’t like that his Dad is giving me money. So ex wants to lie to DS and say I paid the whole amount.

AIBU to be uncomfortable about lying to DS and should I either pay the whole amount or tell DS it is from us both?

Why wouldn’t DS like it?

I think more context is needed as to why it would upset your DS really.

Why would DS have views about your money situation?!

No need to lie, just say it's getting fixed and drop the conversation if he wants details. He should be happy his phone is getting fixed.

SO
MANY
QUESTIONS

Your ex sounds manipulative, tell your son you have gone halves on the repair, so it isn't framed how your ex wants it.

What a weird thing to say what else has he said to your son about you and money ?

This makes no sense, why on earth would a child know or care how the bill is split?

Definitely do not lie about it. Either don't give DS details, or tell the truth.

He’s heavily enmeshed/loyalty binded with his Dad and doesn’t like to think of his dad “helping” me out in any way.

But your ex isn't helping you. He's helping his son.

Isn't it covered by anyone's insurance?
I'd be making sure ex isn't claiming, and DS knows that so knows his father would be scamming OP for half the cost. But then I have a suspicious mind 😉

How old is your son?

But it's not helping you. It is helping DS? V confused !!

But it is helping your son out does your son think you should bring him up alone does he not think his dad should contribute to his upbringing? That is really worrying what age is your son?

He isn’t helping you out. He’s helping his son out - the one who has broken his phone and wants it fixed. Maybe DS should be paying for it himself (in whatever form suits his age) if he has such an opinion on the matter.

Tbh I would refuse to have the phone fixed if that is the attitude,

If your son thinks that you are solely responsible for his costs and that its unfair that his dad contributes, you need to area this. Is that messaging coming from his dad? If not, where? And if it is his dad, then why the subterfuge? The cynic in me would worry that this is a set up to discredit you to your DS, have you "claim credit" and then his dad proves to him that you "lied" . I very much hope I'm wrong.

£200 to fix a phone screen?
Can't he just use it broken?
How much is the phone worth and how old is your son?
I'd personally replace with a cheaper refurbished phone costing less than that and sell the broken one (which must be worth something if it is £200 to fix) and put towards cost of it.

Lying about this is going to be sooo much more complicated than just telling the truth...

Exactly! This is one of my worries! So I am in charge of paying for his phone contract, any upgrades etc so DS might see it as my responsibility to pay for the screen. But his dad wanting to hide his contribution makes me uncomfortable. It’s happened before, ex gave me money (bank transfer) for a meal for the two of us on a holiday and said DO NOT tell DS I’ve given you anything as he would be very angry. He then listed the money as child maintenance 🙈

I don’t understand OP.

I thought you were going to say he’d fallen out with his dad and wouldn’t accept his money or something like that.

I don’t understand why he wouldn’t accept his money out of loyalty bonding.
Does he think his dad can’t afford it, but that you can?

Can you explain further please? Hard to advise when we don’t understand the situation. In general lying isn’t a good idea though. Also, what age is your son?

Who does your ds live with? How old is he?

This is all very odd. Does anyone need to saying anything to DS? Ex is taking it in to be repaired you said. There's no need to say anything specifically about your contribution?

Your son is behaving very strangely here, why would he be angry at his dad paying his way?

Nothing about it makes sense.

This is so ludicrous and immature and just wrong to be honest . It doesn’t even make sense

Why is your son behaving so weirdly? this isn’t normal, take him to a therapist.