BF messed up meeting parents, gave excuse about it being intense

[Jasjasdance]

Things have been getting more serious between my BF and I so we have started to meet each others family. I met his mum last weekend which went really well, and he met my parents this weekend. We went for a drink and then a meal after.

He had a couple of drinks before meeting them (he said to help his nerves) and then two more at the pub. He was then drinking wine at the restaurant and was really tipsy. He then started acting up a bit towards the end. Just a few comments you shouldn’t really make when meeting someone’s parents for the first time.

We were discussing the city break we went on last month, and I said I wouldn’t return to that particular AirBnB. He said they wouldn’t let me back after the way I ruined the toilet on the last day (I was really ill, assumed food poisoning).

He made a comment about an ex, said they barely went out for meals because she preferred ‘scoffing’ takeaways so she didn’t have to leave the sofa.

My Dad is a big football fan so they were talking about the World Cup, and moaning a bit about the really late kick off times. My BF said the real winners of that are the local dealers.

My parents were polite in response but I could tell they were unimpressed. My BF says it was a really ‘intense’ first meeting going for a meal which is why he had more to drink than he should have done.

I suppose I have two questions…do you think there’s any coming back from this (was what he said that bad or not) and was this too an intense first meeting?

He isn"t a "rude disrespectful dickhead" he just doesn"t work a room like James Bond and isn"t going to sell out a comedy gig at the Edinburgh Fringe, so that would be most ordinary males in the UK?

Ok, well clearly everybody makes a habit of taking their FWB for dinner with their parents then. I was totally unaware of this as it’s never been the case for me or anyone I’ve ever met, nor have I ever heard of it being a common occurrence in society at large. I am obviously not down with the trends. Thanks.

Really? The OP is having the best sex of her life, do you think she cares what some boring twat of a couple thinks at a work night out or at some golf club drinks bore fest? The parents are probably just jealous.

You are missing the point, no one said they were FWB but equally no one said that he was fully signed up to be a future husband or long term partner, just because the OP is keen for him to meet her parents it doesn"t mean that he is equally keen, but for many reasons, as I said in the other post, he might just go along with it, he probably feels that not going along means they will break up and he isn"t ready for that to happen, basically I think the OP needs to slow down with the Meet The Parents stuff, they don"t make comedy movies about this stuff for no reason you know, basically he met the parents, the parents think he is a twat, now just get on with the sex.

So the best sex of your life is with someone who says the sort of thing he has to you - that turns you on.

raise the bar much much higher it is about 2 cm off the ground if that

BTW has the OP met his parents?

Brilliant. You couldn't name even ten good qualities about him that bring you joy and affection beyond the above.

"Most of the time...". How does he make you feel the rest of the time?

Good luck to you for when his dick goes wandering because this is sadly the likely outcome if the good times are mostly based in orgasms and being comfortable and secure just most of the time.

I’m guessing this wasn’t completely out of character, so I guess it’s just the calibre of person he is. It’s not dreadful but I probably would have expected a bit better, until he got to know the family, anyway. Sounds like he’s given you the ick anyway, and that’s difficult to come back on.

Um. It doesn't sound like the type of man you like is going to fit your mum's standards of a Nice Young Man so you're probably not going to win with the next one either.

I can't believe he brought up drug dealers. You assume a partner's parents are uptight about drugs, sex, strong political opinions until proven otherwise.

I honestly think that watching how your partner interacts with your family can be very revealing, and it’s something worth paying close attention to. I’m not saying it automatically means he’s a bad person, but it can be a sign that the two of you may not be as compatible as you hoped.

I emigrated very young and lived far away from my parents, extended family, and friends, so we didn’t get many opportunities to spend time together. But every time my ex-husband did meet them, I felt uncomfortable and anxious about his behavior. Looking back, I can see that watching him interact with my family was like holding up a mirror to the parts of our relationship I didn’t want to acknowledge. I wish I had paid more attention to it at the time.

I think the lack of respect shown to me in front of my parents would have been a permanent ick. And the lack of respect for them too in talking like he was "with the lads"
Being 31 and that socially unaware is even worse.

Meh 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've been with my partner over a decade and he hasn't met my family or friends yet. Not though lack of trying, but he's autistic and I've seen the utter deer in headlights fear in his eyes of being overwhelmed in a strange place with strange people and it's a hurdle we haven't quite overcome yet 😬 however we're currently buying a house and there is an understanding that once we've moved in my family will be coming over and this can't really be avoided anymore.

To be fair to him I have a very very strained relationship with my family anyway (for decades prior to this) so it's partly on me too cos I also can't face seeing my parents/family most of the time 😩😞

So you’re cockstruck?

you with a literal dick because that’s what is important to you? Never mind about your family/friends

never mind about the decorating your tits comment <shudder>

you’re a better woman than this. He made you cringe in front of your family.

You aren't overreacting, I'd be really embarrassed and don't think my parents would forget it either.

What you've learnt is your boyfriend is uncouth after a few drinks. Some of those comments about your upset stomach and his ex made me wince. You were the expense of that toilet joke and he inferred his ex was fat or greedy. Not surprised in the least your parents thought he was a prat. Do you want a man who belittles women like that? I've seen someone say on here before 'he has shown you who he is, take note'. It would turn me off tbh.

Well… put the bit about the Estate to one side… she was right about being dragged up tho.

@Jasjasdance and that’s what she said to your face… she hated him.

with good reason 😂

So he reacts to stress by drinking and when he does he runs off at the mouth? Couple of red flags there, speak to him but if that doesn’t irk avoid, you don’t want to be with a person who drinks too much

I think you’re right the first meet is quite terrifying 60years ago I met my then girlfriends parents he was the chairman of a large brewery company she said to me he worked in a brewery terrified probably because wrong word but I can remember it to this day

Toilet jokes, I can kind of see. Drinking to get over nerves, ditto. Who jumps to talking about "dealers" though? Is there history in that direction.

It is a bit "all my mates are cokeheads".

Gah, that many drinks alone would give me serious ick. Is that a look into his future? Does he do this when he's stressed?