BF messed up meeting parents, gave excuse about it being intense

[Jasjasdance]

Things have been getting more serious between my BF and I so we have started to meet each others family. I met his mum last weekend which went really well, and he met my parents this weekend. We went for a drink and then a meal after.

He had a couple of drinks before meeting them (he said to help his nerves) and then two more at the pub. He was then drinking wine at the restaurant and was really tipsy. He then started acting up a bit towards the end. Just a few comments you shouldn’t really make when meeting someone’s parents for the first time.

We were discussing the city break we went on last month, and I said I wouldn’t return to that particular AirBnB. He said they wouldn’t let me back after the way I ruined the toilet on the last day (I was really ill, assumed food poisoning).

He made a comment about an ex, said they barely went out for meals because she preferred ‘scoffing’ takeaways so she didn’t have to leave the sofa.

My Dad is a big football fan so they were talking about the World Cup, and moaning a bit about the really late kick off times. My BF said the real winners of that are the local dealers.

My parents were polite in response but I could tell they were unimpressed. My BF says it was a really ‘intense’ first meeting going for a meal which is why he had more to drink than he should have done.

I suppose I have two questions…do you think there’s any coming back from this (was what he said that bad or not) and was this too an intense first meeting?

This has been asked before the exact same info

If a 31 year old finds it too much pressure to have dinner with his girlfriends parents then he really has no business dating.

It was a first meeting!! He wasn't comfortable! It's too much pressure on a first meeting of parents for some people.

Good lord, my 25 year old met his girlfriends parents for lunch.
A very normal thing to do.
Because he is a normal young man, it posed absolutely no problems.
At 31 the OPs boyfriend couldn't manage it without making a show of himself and her.

He's a vulgar oik.
OP, raise your bar.
That remark about your top should have stopped you in your tracks.🤢

He sounds 31 going on 13.

Ick.

Ick, ick, ick.

It’s not great. I’d be concerned you are seeing the real him and up till now he’s been putting on a show. I’d want to see him around his friends as that would be a good indication of who he is

It was a perfectly normal meeting. A man who cannot have dinner for the first time with a girlfriends parents without getting drunk is, if nothing else, weak. Imagine having a weak man by your side for life. When times are tough? He crumbles, and drinks. Because he is too weak.

Oh grow up.

Too much pressure.

It was a fucking meal with her parents not the queen.

Hehe love a pile on!! Brilliant when you get older as couldn't give a flying ....

Such a grown up response!

"he said that was how him and his ex always spoke to each other"

So he's blaming his ex for his vulgarity.

I would have ended the relationship after the spraying comment. You're not a porn object.

And he is disrespectful of his ex with his "scoffing" comment. He doesn't respect you either.

This is a misogynist, and it won't get better.

Dont have kids with him. Don't marry him. Don't live with him.

Honestly, OP, what are you doing with this revolting person?

I agree. I’d be mortified. He sounds a bit crass ?

It all depends on the individual and what sort of life you want.

This man sounds crude and uncouth. I would be embarrassed to take him to meet friends and family. Imagine introducing him to work colleagues. Yes for some people and in some social circles it would be fine. People here have said their parents would have got drunk with him and participated in the banter. Thats great but clearly not OPs situation. Some groups of friends would love the cheeky chappy crude routine - others would find it irritating and immature. And that’s okay

• we are all different

she didn’t like this behaviour and telling her she is wrong and to lighten up is unfair - we are all entitled to feel how we feel. Why continue a relationship with someone you are clearly not suited to - there are obvious differences in values, behaviors and standards. It will just lead to resentment.

Of the comment about the ex, the comment to embarrass you and the football drugs comment, the least problematic one is the football one!

Maybe the reason his ex preferred takeaways on the sofa was because it was way too embarrassing to take him out in public?

I don’t think anonymous comments on MN are the same as meeting your partner’s family for the first time.

Why was he nervous? Is he incapable of meeting people in a social situation without the crutch of a drink. If so run as fast as you can, there is much better out there.

People being unable to act correctly in a social situation is a complete deal breaker for me, he is 31 not 12.

🤣🤣🤣

Ah op later clarified this comment was made only to her. Still gross.

I would not have gotten over the spraying comment. Super gross and pornified. Very demeaning.

Toilet talk at the dinner table is a dreadful faux pas. Dragging on his ex is very tasteless

I would think he wasn’t on my level. A bit uneducated. A bit crass. No thanks.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

The only one of these comments that I would've raised an eyebrow at is the toilet one. And even then it's a "roll eyes and move on" situation, nothing deeper.

I have actually made the "the real winners are the dealers" joke, albeit not to DH's parents. People laughed. It's funny because it's true.

Random mild shade about an ex should be neither here nor there.

As for the sex talk in private between two people in a relationship... while that particular comment is a touch crass for me, it's by no means disgusting or vile. If you think the idea of your boyfriend coming is disgusting then perhaps you shouldn't be in a relationship with that man? Sex is meant to be fun for both of you.

And it's totally normal to be nervous in social situations like this. I go the other way - silent, aloof, resting bitch face. It's all a cover for being nervous, I was amazed when I was once told I looked intimidating.

I suspect they didn"t have a conversation about how important this hurdle on the route to being a "couple" was to the OP, he sounds like he isn"t into the relationship n the same way as the OP, or just doesn"t get or care about the social constructs and events that are important to some people. If you are really into someone and they say - I just don"t like/get your parents, and I don"t want to spend time with them, or if the parents disapprove of the person, do you break up because of that? That is ticking social boxes not a relationship.