BF messed up meeting parents, gave excuse about it being intense

[Jasjasdance]

Things have been getting more serious between my BF and I so we have started to meet each others family. I met his mum last weekend which went really well, and he met my parents this weekend. We went for a drink and then a meal after.

He had a couple of drinks before meeting them (he said to help his nerves) and then two more at the pub. He was then drinking wine at the restaurant and was really tipsy. He then started acting up a bit towards the end. Just a few comments you shouldn’t really make when meeting someone’s parents for the first time.

We were discussing the city break we went on last month, and I said I wouldn’t return to that particular AirBnB. He said they wouldn’t let me back after the way I ruined the toilet on the last day (I was really ill, assumed food poisoning).

He made a comment about an ex, said they barely went out for meals because she preferred ‘scoffing’ takeaways so she didn’t have to leave the sofa.

My Dad is a big football fan so they were talking about the World Cup, and moaning a bit about the really late kick off times. My BF said the real winners of that are the local dealers.

My parents were polite in response but I could tell they were unimpressed. My BF says it was a really ‘intense’ first meeting going for a meal which is why he had more to drink than he should have done.

I suppose I have two questions…do you think there’s any coming back from this (was what he said that bad or not) and was this too an intense first meeting?

He insulted you and basically said he does drugs? To your parents? Yes, in my opinion that’s quite a big deal and I don’t think you’re overreacting. That would give me the ick whether he was trying to be funny or not. Have your parents said anything to you?

I'd have chucked him on the spot. Really can't imagine any reason for continuing a relationship with this bellend.

And I love it when people excuse behaviour like that as “just sexy talk”. Sex talk requires consent just like any other sex act. And the fact that the OP’s BF thinks she will enjoy it just because his ex apparently did says a lot: she’s not an individual to him, she’s just filling the GF gap.

THIS is the point you should have ended it.

he either has an issue with alcohol or he’s got misogynistic tendencies

either of these are game over love

if hes showing this amount of disrespect to you/your parents now in 7m, what happens when he drops his guard?

ew, solid gold ew. I cringe on your behalf

Exactly. It’s grim.

@Jasjasdance GRIM.

Exactly. There are plenty of nerve wracking situations that happen in life - is he planning on getting pissed at all of them? What about family meet ups, weddings, funerals, work events etc.? Is the OP going to have to “manage” this misogynistic child at all of them?

Why do so many men appear to have developed 0 social skills these days? It’s bizarre. If meeting the parents sends him into this much of a tailspin then I’d hate to see what he’s like when life happens and shit hits the fan (as it does from time to time for all of us).

Oh I can’t tell you the number of times I get exasperated and say “where is the resilience fgs?”

”oh I don’t do confrontation…”
”oh I can’t make phone calls”

that said, @Jasjasdance MF of a boyfriend wasn’t nervous or triggered when he made the ‘decorating the cleavage’ quip was he?

shudder. He’s a creepy, slimy little man who can’t face meeting adults without some Dutch courage at 31.

these are genes that really DONT need to carry through to the next generation

They all just seem so wet and pathetic don’t they? At the OP’s BF’s age my dad had three kids and a family to provide for-meeting a couple of new people for dinner would have been the least of his worries!

Christ! Yes he’s a dick & should have known better than to drink so much!
id probably throw this one back, he clearly doesn’t respect you enough to make a
good impression!

I spoke to my Mum on the phone last night and she said she wasn’t impressed and in her words said she hoped I’d end up with a higher calibre of man and not someone who acts like they were dragged up on an estate.

I explained his ‘defence’ and that I do really like him. She said it’s up to me and that they’d meet again if that’s what I wanted.

The toilet comment would be ok on a stag weekend about another stag but who would think it was the thing to say to your girlfriend's parents about their dd?

That’s out of order. Lots of men who grew up on estates would never make silly or disrespectful comments like the misguided ones your BF made. That’s very snobbish of your mother, sorry.

Something like this happened a friend of mine. It was a sign her partner had a drink problem.

It sounds generally as if he a bit coarse, talking about drug dealing etc.

He sounds like an arsehole (his comment about your cleavage would have been enough for me, let alone him getting drunk and being embarrassing at the meal) but I don’t think much of your mums comment about being raised on an estate tbh. Really snobby and nasty thing to say.

I can’t believe he said that about your cleavage that is gross

What an awful, judgemental and snobby comment from your mum.

She’s kind of right though, just snobby with the ‘dragged up on an estate’ comment. He seems very juvenile and like he has no decorum or social awareness. Even a lot of estate kids would want better 🤣

He also seems like he may be a misogynist given that he seemingly couldn’t wait to tell his new partner’s parents how his ex scoffed takeaways on the sofa so they would conjure up a negative view of her, and purposely tried to humiliate his new partner by mentioning the toilet incident.

If I was her mum, I’d be wondering how he will speak about my daughter in future and whether he makes a habit of these types of remarks. In summary, he sounds like a right knobhead 🤣

Clearly you werent overreacting and clearly it was that bad.

I just couldn't see myself with someone like this long term..

Even if you really like him...
Picture the scene....You'll be there are a family bbq having a nice day and then he pipes up...
Now you are dying inside while making an "its not SO bad darling" face at your child who is also dying inside while benny hill junior is gurning away making awful comments and everyone cringes.

No thank you.

Oh dear OP how many people are saying they’d dump him including your Mum and you still think all is ok and he’s just being a silly sausage.
He’s a lout, he’s shown you (and your parents at their FIRST meeting!!) exactly who he is and you still don’t believe him. Love is blind must be true.
Btw I agree with some PP who say he probably has a drink problem too.

@Jasjasdance - sadly (sorry) I am not surprised at what your mum's comments were. I can hear both sorrow and love for you in her words.

What is it that you love about this man? Are there ten things that you could list here that bring you genuine joy and heart-fluttering excitement? Ten things that in no way involve:

• drinking (like 'he's a great kisser after a couple of wines");
• drugs
• derogatory comments about ex GFs, their bodies and their ways
• crude and debasing comments about jizzing on tits (or anything involving sexual behaviours)
• mocking you for being ill and your awful toilet-related symptoms and whatever other put-downs and jokes he makes at your expense, to your face or to his mates behind your back.

Just ten shining qualities that signal to you he is The One?

Because I'm really, really struggling to see from any of your posts anything that redeems, excuses or somehow makes attractive his behaviour.

Sorry, but I really do think you'd be better off in the long run if you find some other way of disappointing your parents. x

Are you also 31? I think your mum sticking her oar in isn’t helpful. TBH 7 months isn’t that long and if you’ve got the ick you can just dump him. There are many many more men out there!

Overall he’s kinda testing you. If you tolerate this he’ll know he can get away with worse. So do kick off about this if you decide to keep him.

He sounds like a complete nob. What is it that you "really like" about him? Him insulting his ex for eating a takeaway or him making derogatory comments about your body? Or him showing the upmost respect for you by getting wasted before meeting your parents for the first time?

He wasn't drinking because of nerves, he was drinking because he wanted to. Regardless of how great he may be sober, I wouldn't remain in a relationship with anybody who behaved like that drunk. Alcohol is not an excuse to do what you want and be a prick.

"Dragged up" sums him up.

But if thats what you want, feel comfortable with, and think is all you deserve....so be it.

Get used to your mothers reaction because that is your future....people wondering what a nice woman like you saw in the dragged up oik...

And your parents wondering wtf happened that their precious daughter thought this was all she deserved.

He's the dregs.....31 and still doesn't know how to behave in polite society.

Marry down in haste, repent at leisure!

As a mum of a 20 & 22 yr old I frequently have a house full of 21-ish year olds and whilst I’m sure they can be crass in their own company, without exception they all have behaved impeccably in front of both adults and teen DC.

I don’t think this in age issue. It’s a being a twat issue.