Bf blocked me on my birthday today

[heidi696]

It’s a long story but basically it’s a long distance relationship and it’s been unclear if he was free to meet today as it’s my birthday. Last Tuesday I said oh it doesn’t look like we are meeting on Sunday but he got a bit angry and said something like don’t assume you don’t know yet. So even though I kinda knew we wouldn’t as I know he is busy I had a secret hope that he had a plan. I didn’t ask again and he didn’t say anything. So this morning when I got his text saying sorry I can’t be with you today and a digital card I was really really disappointed. I stupidly had nothing else planned. I admit I didn’t handle it well and lashed out a load of texts and we ended up having an argument and then he blocked me. I was so shocked and upset:I’ve been crying all day. I can’t believe he would do that. It’s 1030
now so I guess that’s it for the day. Honestly I don’t know if it’s forever or just to silence me for a while:
im just so sad. I can’t stop crying and torturing myself: if only I had said nothing etc i more he was busy so why did i add to his stress: I really hate myself

It’s a long distance relationship, in adults those are rarely serious unless it’s the case of a husband and wife who have to do it for work etc.

She’s not exactly treating him much better. Sending him a barrage of abusive messages because he didn’t give her what she wants is crazy. He hadn’t made plans, so it was on her to organise something if she wanted for her birthday.

Bin him. He’s not mature enough to be in a relationship, despite having an adult son.

Is this seriously the kind of life you want? This is not how a relationship should be and you really need to expect better instead of settling for any relationship at any cost.

He sounds like a decent dad at least, just a shitty boyfriend.

If you're a long distance from each other you have no way of knowing he is spending all day every day doing the arrangements for his son's wedding.

you sound caught up in your own head about who this man is and that there is any relationship there at all. Dont believe anything he says.

sadly he wants to be rid of you otherwise why would he behave so badly.

if he has an adult son, he will be in his late 40s or 50s. Not sure if you're the same age but don't waste a moment more on someone who acts like that, you deserve much better.

He sounds manipulative.
He could have easily expressed I'm helping my son we can do something tomorrow or whatever. Instead he sends a vague message, a shitty card and blocks you.
No, wouldn't let that go my love.
He doesn't respect you.
He doesn't value your time.
It's your birthday and he was able to just ignore you the whole day.
I don't see my husband for a few days at a time with work but he will always take the time to ring me and check how I am wnd it's not even my birthday.

When I read your post I thought you were both about 20.
Read your previous threads about this man.
He is not your partner and treats you like shit.
However, you sound very vulnerable and I think you need some help via counselling because the constant calling and messaging is hurting you.
You describe amazing sex - I think you see this as love and it’s keeping you on a hook.
It is interesting he has no relationship with his mother.
You are allowing this now. He knows he can hurt you, reject you, ignore you on your birthday and you will still be there.
I know how you feel because I have been there. It was awful and when I made the break it took a while to get over it. But I got some help and it changed my life.
You deserve a partner who is kind to you on your birthday. But it sounds like you are so desperate for connection that you are allowing yourself to be hurt.
Trust me it will only get worse. Please save yourself because nobody else will.

He's not serious about you. You're there in reserve.
You're so focused on him that you'll tolerate it.

Hasn't even invited you to his son's wedding.
Scoffed at you for wanting clarification about your birthday then let you down with weak excuses and probable lies.

I hope you can learn to think more of yourself. This man certainly isn't going to encourage that.

He sounds like an absolute arsehole. Raise your bar.

Yeah right what rubbish. Would have been easy to say “sorry love I’ll be too busy to see you” no?

Your wasting your time on him
your just an add on to his life not a permanent fixture I’m afraid 😞

OP if he wanted to, he would

You know this happens when someone just turns their phone off, right? It’s hard to tell from this if it’s definitely a him thing or if it’s a you thing. Either way it sounds like an unhealthy dynamic.

One grey tick can also mean you are blocked 🤦‍♀️ he probably blocked her for the day. Why people are so desperate to tell the OP that this arsehole of a man just probably didn't have signal, I have no idea. Again, one grey tick can mean that you have been blocked.

Based on your other threads, you are so mired in self loathing and desperation you will only accept this relationship being toxic when he does bin you off for good.

He treats you horribly, exploits your vulnerability and low self esteem and uses that to wind you up into behaviour that gives him an excuse to treat you even worse. And you’ve only been together a few months - this should be the phase where he’s on his best behaviour.

You will never improve your self worth or depression as long as you allow people like this to rule your emotional state.

If you have even a shred of love for yourself, let this be the last time he does this to you @heidi696.

First off all stop texting him! It's clear the communication lines between you are not good and I'd move off text and to real conversations.

Secondly try to think about what you need and want in a relationship and see if you can articulate this. Because if he can't give you what you need then it's time to move in.
So you are totally reasonable to say "I need a bf who will make an effort for my birthday". Personally I couldn't give 2 hoots for birthdays and this is not something I need but I know it's a big deal for some folks. It's all perfectly acceptable either way. The point is you need to articulate your needs to him and ask him honestly if these are things he wants and is prepared to meet.
At the moment there's expectations and disappointment and accusations which doesn't make for a good relationship

He comes across as manipulative.
Of course he's nice when you're together - he's getting what he wants. When you're apart he treats you like a nuisance. You don't deserve that.
Please try to step back and have a serious think about your relationship and truly ask yourself if this is healthy. All the best OP.

Honestly he doesn't sound nice. It reads like you see him as a exclusive boyfriend and he sees you as a friend with benefits. They're different relationships with different expectations. Personally I would be walking away from this one. Long distance relationships are hard enough without this kind of crap. But if you want to, have an honest and open discussion about your relationship.

Bingo him and find someone closer. Long distance relationships only work if the couple have full commitment to each other. He has too much else going on in his life and actually doesn't sound that mature or nice anyway.

Just so you know OP, one grey tick means the message can't be delivered. Could have blocked you of could be in an area with no signal. I live just outside a town with the poorest ever signal so if I'm there I don't get messages unless I hook up to various shops WiFi.

Not defending him, he's still a twat for not telling you his plans so you could get on with something rather than waiting around just in case.

He could easily have told you in advance that he had plans with his son, and allowed you to make plans of your own for your birthday. He chose not to. Because he wants to see what you are willing to put up with. Every time he lowers the bar and you crawl under it, you are telling him that you will put up with even worse treatment.

That sounds very sad.
He sounds like he isn’t communicating well and isn’t integrating you into his life. Personally I don’t think this relationship has a future.

I don't think that necessarily means he's blocked you. He might have turned off his phone or battery might have died.

You will never improve your self worth or depression as long as you allow people like this to rule your emotional state.

@heidi696 please read this ^^ and take note. It is as clear as day that this is the case. It is also crystal clear that you are just a friend with benefits to him. He just sees you as a booty call when it suits him.

Your self esteem will improve when you boot him out of your life.