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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bf blocked me on my birthday today

184 replies

heidi696 · 14/06/2026 22:34

It’s a long story but basically it’s a long distance relationship and it’s been unclear if he was free to meet today as it’s my birthday. Last Tuesday I said oh it doesn’t look like we are meeting on Sunday but he got a bit angry and said something like don’t assume you don’t know yet. So even though I kinda knew we wouldn’t as I know he is busy I had a secret hope that he had a plan. I didn’t ask again and he didn’t say anything. So this morning when I got his text saying sorry I can’t be with you today and a digital card I was really really disappointed. I stupidly had nothing else planned. I admit I didn’t handle it well and lashed out a load of texts and we ended up having an argument and then he blocked me. I was so shocked and upset:I’ve been crying all day. I can’t believe he would do that. It’s 1030
now so I guess that’s it for the day. Honestly I don’t know if it’s forever or just to silence me for a while:
im just so sad. I can’t stop crying and torturing myself: if only I had said nothing etc i more he was busy so why did i add to his stress: I really hate myself

OP posts:
GreatOffWhiteFalcon · 14/06/2026 23:57

heidi696 · 14/06/2026 23:02

I honestly think his son bullies him or there is a strange dynamic . He is working to help prepare his son’s parents in law garden/grounds for the wedding . It’s been every day for nearly 4 weeks. No days off. 10-12 hour days: he hardly has time to say hello to me. I said surely he could take an afternoon to see me on or around my birthday but he got very angry and said he would never ask me to choose between a child and him

Sorry OP but this is not a believable story, and if it's true it means he's a wimp. You sound like a sweet woman with a lot to offer some lucky man. This chap can be charming on the few occasions he sees you but that's not enough. You can finish this by blocking him. You could just one final message saying ' this relationship is nit what I want, don't contact me again, goodbye' and block without waiting for a reply, if you want to be free to find love.

PussInBin20 · 14/06/2026 23:59

He’s playing you big time. He’s a user. You’re only wanted when it’s good for him. I’m not sure why you are putting up with it really. Life is too short for all this shit.

Parcelpass · Yesterday 00:06

Sorry OP. How old are you both?

Does he fly over to you? Or is it you flying over to see him?. Assuming you have no kids... but living in different places makes everything so much harder.

WhatWouldDianeLockhartDo · Yesterday 00:06

Jane143 · 14/06/2026 23:53

That doesn’t mean it’s blocked. Just delivered but not read. He’s been busy

One grey tick is sent but not delivered. Two grey ticks is delivered but not read. Two blue is read.

nochance17 · Yesterday 00:08

Sounds like narcissistic abuse with the push/pull treatment, making you feel bad about yourself, the silent treatment as you mentioned, ruining birthdays and special events, this is a favourite one of the Narc., Look it up, it is one of their favourite tactics to unsettle you and keep you on your toes, whether it’s spoiling birthdays, Christmas, holidays etc. A man who really cared for you would not upset you on your birthday. You can’t fix him, stop wasting your time and walk away. Stop worrying about what he thinks and start asking yourself what you think. Is he really gardening for 10-12 hours a day for four weeks, I mean how many acres do they have ? He sounds full of shit and a nasty piece of work.

ExitPursuedByABare · Yesterday 00:20

With the best will in the world he is really not that into you. Dig deep, find your self respect and walk away. You do not need this.

Happyjoe · Yesterday 00:21

heidi696 · 14/06/2026 23:02

I honestly think his son bullies him or there is a strange dynamic . He is working to help prepare his son’s parents in law garden/grounds for the wedding . It’s been every day for nearly 4 weeks. No days off. 10-12 hour days: he hardly has time to say hello to me. I said surely he could take an afternoon to see me on or around my birthday but he got very angry and said he would never ask me to choose between a child and him

If you were in a healthy relationship he would've been open as to his plans. He'd have chatted, even if he couldn't make it to see you because of the wedding stuff, he should've let you know ages ago because that's respect. Perhaps with a promise of a nice meal out as a belated celebration when you got to see each other next? Anything to feel valued - and this is how you should feel in a relationship.

It's also rude. You could have also made your own arrangements with friends, family, or even set yourself up for a nice day, buy a little cake, get yourself a takeaway, chill out lovely day as a way to enjoy yourself.

Am sorry, but people who are fond of another will keep communication open. For sure, he may feel pressure over how you react with lots of whatsapp messages, but this really is coming from him and he shouldn't have blocked you. Had his communication & plans been clear, you'd have had nothing to react to. He's making you feel like you're always wrong-footed, always making you second guess yourself. This is not healthy and as much as you like him, I don't think he is a good a catch as you think he is.

My advice? Be truthful to yourself and don't think emotionally. Take a step back and see what he actually brings to your life. If it's more aggro than good, then find someone better who doesn't play games. Throwing this 'choosing between a child and you' is bollocks and manipulative. Arsehole move imo.

IdentifyingAsAWoollyMammoth · Yesterday 00:23

Come on, OP. Look at your previous threads about this so-called relationship. You KNOW this is not a healthy relationship and you're just wasting your time. Do yourself a favour, finally rip the plaster off, and dump his arse.

Happyjoe · Yesterday 00:27

IdentifyingAsAWoollyMammoth · Yesterday 00:23

Come on, OP. Look at your previous threads about this so-called relationship. You KNOW this is not a healthy relationship and you're just wasting your time. Do yourself a favour, finally rip the plaster off, and dump his arse.

Oh wow, there's more? That's sad. Yeah, she needs to dump him.

Pistachiocake · Yesterday 00:31

It's fair enough not to see you if he was meeting his son. But he should have been clear he couldn't, unless he genuinely wasn't sure what time he'd be back. In that case, it's fair enough, but please plan things for yourself and don't wait around.

Chickadee26 · Yesterday 00:33

I think he could have looked at the calendar and found a day for when the wedding is over with and had a belated birthday dinner.

OP he doesn’t live close by to you and you know he is doing the garden up for his sons wedding. Plus I assume an actual job.
Not sure why you didn't plan something with a friend knowing how busy he is with wedding preparations.
He doesn’t sound like he thought of you.

Anonymouseinthecity · Yesterday 00:37

heidi696 · 14/06/2026 23:02

I honestly think his son bullies him or there is a strange dynamic . He is working to help prepare his son’s parents in law garden/grounds for the wedding . It’s been every day for nearly 4 weeks. No days off. 10-12 hour days: he hardly has time to say hello to me. I said surely he could take an afternoon to see me on or around my birthday but he got very angry and said he would never ask me to choose between a child and him

That absolutely shitty gaslighting. Wanting him to take one fucking day off on your birthday does not mean you're making him choose between you and his son. What an utter wanker.

You can do better, OP. Seriously.

Ohnobackagain · Yesterday 00:40

So he couldn't even be arsed to send you an actual card? @heidi696 dump him. He is ridiculous.

AurielleBaies · Yesterday 00:48

I’m sorry but this guy is awful. I know that will hurt. But truly if a man wants to be with you, or make an effort then he will. Especially on your BIRTHDAY.

Get him in the bin. You deserve so much better than this

troothfairy · Yesterday 00:57

@heidi696 you deserve better but you’re being weak. I had a relationship like this once, the uncertainty drove me insane. The song that gave me the push to end it was Pink - Just Like A Pill

”instead of making me better, you’re making me ill”

Waterbaby41 · Yesterday 00:59

Good grief - how old are you? 'Lashed out with loads of texts', 'crying all day'. Pull yourself together.

Lemonymint · Yesterday 01:09

So he is I prepared to garden for his son's wedding every day for nearly 4 weeks with no days off and working 10-12 hour days - and it's not even his garden! But he can't manage a birthday present or even give you any clarity about whether he can spend the day with you! I think that gives you a very clear idea of where you fit in his priorities. I don't blame you for being fed up. I had a boyfriend once who didn't even telephone me on my birthday but I found a card in the letterbox! It wasn't even very nice card. The man I married would never have behaved like that. He turned up and we had dinner and some sort of present. The main difference though was that I knew where I was with him - he said what he was going to do and did it. I think you need to leave him to his gardening and find somebody else.

PurpleSheep123 · Yesterday 01:32

Are you actually certain he is not seeing someone else/ reunited with an ex etc?

I mean… he’s been gardening for 4 weeks 10-12 hours a day? Every day?
That’s the shittiest excuse I’ve ever heard. Unless they’re landscaping several acres of land it just seems like a real shitty lie/ excuse for not seeing you.
he sounds 100% narcissistic
LTB.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · Yesterday 01:38

Hi op how old are you, you sound very very young but you’re dating a man with an adult son?

if someone leaves you hanging on your bday you need to make a nice plan for yourself and decide if theyre free at the last minute to include them in that nice plan. Same with weekends. But a nice bf would make it up to you if he couldn’t spend your bday with you, and would encourage you to make a lovley plan with friends. It doesn’t sound like he likes you at all I’d rather be single.

Nogreenskittles · Yesterday 01:40

OP - this is classic behaviour of an abuser. Causing arguments on special occasions is abuse. He knew it was your birthday. Leaving you hanging is appalling. He did that on purpose so you would be upset on your birthday.

he is also trying to make you angry and lash out, and then make you feel like the crazy one.

he is teaching you to be silent

Playdoughy · Yesterday 02:25

heidi696 · 14/06/2026 22:48

He actually just texted me. “Hi I just got home”. I don’t even know what to say to that. It’s true I lashed out because I was upset. I was scared to make plans in case he had planned something. It’s been such a long hard day. And now that text.

Ok, this is not healthy relationships and you need to run.
To clarify - it is fine for someone to be busy and not being able to see tou on your b-day - this happens.
What is absolutely unacceptable and a huge red flag is that he kept you guessing - essentially blocking you from organising something for yourself for your b-day. Your special day and your entire mood is completely controlled by this person and as expected he only let you know on the day he cannot actually make it (he never planned on making it).
If you had told him that you planned something with friends he would have told you he wanted to spend the day with you and he would have made you feel guilty for prioritising friends and would then tell you he won't be seeing you - but it's ofcourse your fault.
He would again spoil your dat - do you get the pattern?
Also your language - saying you were 'scared' he may plan something and that's why you didn't have a backup plan tells us you actually know all of this.

This is not a relationship - you are too attached and submissive here. And are clearly not enjoying the ride. Just break it off...

LBFseBrom · Yesterday 02:44

You are grown up people, must be if he is old enough to have. a son getting married. How long have you been seeing each other and was your birthday a 'big' one or just. a birthday? Some people don't make much of birthdays and from what you said, you weren't expecting to see him anyway.

You sound so invested in this relationship which is only part time anyway.

Sensiblesal · Yesterday 03:01

heidi696 · 14/06/2026 22:49

I’ve been blaming myself all day thinking I was too demanding or too annoying . He had to do wedding preparations with his son who is getting married next weekend

There is a lesson to learn here. Put yourself first. Next time if you are unsure if he is going to see you. Make plans & if he does suddenly decide to be free then he has to fit in with them.

waiting around for an unreliable man is not good for your soul. Happy belated birthday, plan a nice litte day for next weekend or your next free day to celebrate. It doesn’t matter if its late you deserve it

FrogOfFrogHall · Yesterday 03:24

I'm really sorry he's done this to you. He is gaslighting you so whatever you had said or done you would have spent today on your own and feeling sad. He has deliberately made that happen.
In a healthy relationship he would have told you in the days before that he wasn't sure he would be able to make it on your birthday and so go ahead and plan something without him. He then would have confirmed the evening before that he still had lots of gardening to do so he's really sorry but he won't be able to see you. Can you see the subtle difference between that and what he actually has done?
What would have happened if you had made plans without him? Would he have pretended he was planning to see you and then got angry that you had made plans? This argument is not your fault, it's what he set up as part of a plan to control you. The best thing you can do now is ignore his message. He will then alternate between getting angry and grovelling but you need to stay strong and end it here.

cestlavielife · Yesterday 03:30

why did i add to his stress: I really hate myself

Just stop op.
Dump him.
Get to love yourself before tying yourself in knots over a random long distance relationship.