All 4 of us to attend bday party?

[wanderingwillows]

DD2 has just been invited to a nursery friend’s bday party next weekend. Not sure on the etiquette here - both my husband and I would like to take her (because it would be a nice family thing to do on a weekend and also to potentially make some new parent friends). We also have a newborn baby who would be with us.

My question is, would it be unreasonable for all 4 of us to rock up? Is that weird? It is at someone’s house. We don’t know them, never spoken, just have a number to RSVP to and invite came via nursery bag.

Good grief you can’t do this, your child is invited not, you. You take your child and one of you waits, you don’t pretend you’ve all been invited. How utterly rude.

I’ve never seen this and my child was private educated qirh some families having huge houses, never have I seen the whole family front up.

Doesn’t the fact only one other child has this make you realise you can’t pretend you’re invited and use it as your social life?

This is a weirdly bitter thing to say? If you want to be weird about it I said 'at least 1'. We just both enjoy watching our daughter play with friends, no one's ever acted weird about it and I've seen others do it. We don't use kids parties as our social life. Not everything needs to be a big drama.

Unless they have a mansion then absolutely not when at home. If you’re not a single parent then it’s ridiculous. If baby is breastfed then surely taking the big kids to parties are what dads are for?

But you don’t invite yourself to people’s homes to do it; surely you can see how rude that is?

It just isn't that clear cut. The child isn't going to be left so at least one parent is also invited by default. Now it might be most common for it to only be one parent but it doesn't follow that two parents is utterly unreasonable.

It's not like an older child being invited and no adults expected to stay.

Should you, DH, baby and toddler invite yourselves to someones house you dont know because of a party invite? No.

I think host should reasonably expect a parent to stay as the children are so young and while baby probs wouldnt count, id leave baby with the parent not going. Unless theres a backstory where host has a massive property and grounds theres unlikely room for multiple families do all do this so assume no one else is and follow suit unless the host says otherwise

That seems like a stretch. We're planning a garden party for our daughter soon and I wouldnt think twice if both parents came. Obviously I'm in the minority as shown in the uproar on this thread. But it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Just ask the parents if it’s the sort of party where both parents are attending or if they’d prefer if just one of you. Some parents don’t mind at all if they’ve got the space.

This - what if everyone decided to do the same??

Wait, I think it’s totally fine! At nursery age they’re likely inviting because they want to make friends too. I’ve had 4 nursery parties this year and each one has had both parents attend with their child - at people’s houses (including my very small house!) I’m a single parent so not me but almost everyone else unless someone was working at the weekend. They were welcome - part of the point was the adult socialising - at nursery age at least. Ask if you can to make sure.

@wanderingwillowsI think some people might have missed the fact that it’s nursery age / 2! I’ve had 4 2-year-old birthday parties this year, including my own daughter’s in my very small house, and the norm for all of them has absolutely been both parents attending! It’s been as much about adult socialising with fellow nursery parents.

Oh, and additional older siblings are a no-no, hence most people only attend with one parent as they get older - to free the other parent up to take care of the sibling. But a babe in arms doesn’t even count, totally fine, you’ll be holding them so they’re basically part of you at that age.

I'd say depends where it's at!
we've been to a couple now and all the ones at softplay families have gone together, it looked odd when there was one parent on their own, including other siblings (who don't take part and the parents buy entry for them), same with babies, we took our 1 year old and there have been others their with newborns! As long as your paying for yourselves and not interrupting the party it's fine!

No. One parent that’s it. It’s not a family day out.

It looked odd that the entire family hadn't turned out for someone else's toddler's party?! 😂

I live overseas and it's generally accepted that parents and other siblings will rock up at birthday parties!

Hi there friend from nursery

lucky you found me here on Mumsnet!

Yes, your husband and newborn are welcomr, we would love to meet you all! . Thanks for checking

best wishes

party host

I’ve noticed some parents struggle to do things alone so both parents do attend things like this. Not just this but school runs too, certain parents never do the school run alone for some reason…

So dependant on what is normal where you live. Up to 3 or so it tended to be inviting 3-4 families (plus people without kids often) to birthday parties where I lived, at 4 tended to be more kids so just one adult and 2-3 children were dropped off because their parent couldn’t stay (eg sibling with Sen) and definitely no siblings, at 5 it was drop and go.

Wtf?

Wow…just…wow! How presumptive of you.

It's not presumptive. Presumptive would be rocking up without even considering that it might not be acceptable.

OP coming here to ask our opinions is the opposite of presumptive.

Wtf is expecting random strangers to say it’s ok

or referring to the etiquette book of pre-schooler parties

just ask ffs. Nobody here can answer on behalf of the host