All 4 of us to attend bday party?

[wanderingwillows]

DD2 has just been invited to a nursery friend’s bday party next weekend. Not sure on the etiquette here - both my husband and I would like to take her (because it would be a nice family thing to do on a weekend and also to potentially make some new parent friends). We also have a newborn baby who would be with us.

My question is, would it be unreasonable for all 4 of us to rock up? Is that weird? It is at someone’s house. We don’t know them, never spoken, just have a number to RSVP to and invite came via nursery bag.

Even at a leisure centre there can be limited space. The accepted rule is one parent only and no siblings unless this has been agreed and you don’t have another parent at home.
My nephew had a family that came as a 4 to his son’s birthday. They were talked about, especially as the sibling was an older child who was a pain in the neck.

Depends on demographic. If you are in a wealthier demographic this is completely normal.

But if you invite 10 children and then find that you have 30 people plus 10 babes in arms attending, that’s potentially overwhelming.

DH and I always went to parties as a 4, because we had twins.

I’m generally pretty laid back about the 2 parent thing (unlike most of Mumsnet who liken it to trailing dog poo through someone’s house), however I think it’s a bit off to view it as a family outing – it’s not, it’s someone else’s party.

Very much this! It’s not a family outing.

That’s overwhelming not likely to happen though. It will likely be 2-3 dads at most.

Definitely not the done thing.

Surely it’s max 2-3 hours, you have the rest of the weekend to do things as a family.

I wouldn't all turn up. One of you go and either message the other one if it's clear other entire families have turned up / it's in the garden so there is definitely space. Or make up an appointment or class or something and swap half way throigh if you both want to use it as an opportunity to meet people

It’s weird to want to make a random child’s birthday party your weekend family outing. Do something as a family later or the next day.

I love that some of the answers now are "It's fine if the hosts are wealthy."

OP, I would just ask. "DD would love to come - do you mind if all of us come along as it would be nice to see DD socialising with her little friends and we can help out if you need it?"

one go in and do drop off, introduce yourself to the parents etc, leave then the other do pick up, introduce themself to the parents.

It's very area and parent culture dependent. At my DDs nursery parties the first couple of parties had most of the first time parents having both parents attending. The parents with elder siblings tended to just send 1 parent. These were all at big venues like soft play/ play cafe. After about party 3 it moved to pretty much everyone doing 1 parent per child.

At someone's house (regardless of how many other parties have been held) it's 1 parent per child. At soft play/ leisure centre/ play cafe some parents will attend together, especially if siblings are welcome and can be paid in. Although a lot of the time it's mum/ Dad with the kids whilst other parent stops home and cracks on with jobs.

Assuming it’s nursery which puts it at under 4, one parent staying is fine (I Ben with the newborn). But more than that no …

1 adult, baby is irrelevant.

Party's Ive held at home, most dads turned up too! Wouldn't think anything of it.

Parties ive held at venues its been a mix of one and 2 parents.

I live in a town rather than a big city (where it seems you have to follow unspoken etiquette a lot more closely)!!

As it would be a nice family thing to do, maybe invite your own parents along too.

I vaguely remember seeing this when my e were younger. I used to think they were potty as parties can be hard work!

But it depends on venue. If large enough it can be a nice way to meet people.

Good luck though! You are at the early stages of the parenting fun and kids , friendships, and parties .... Have wine ready!

This surely is a reverse if I have ever seen one? I mean I'm hoping it's a reverse as surely no one can have that little social awareness? 😬

Whenever this comes up on MN a ton of posters will say "it's not a family day out" but I think it really depends on the nursery.

Our toddler has just had the first wave of birthday parties and initially they were all out at soft plays and the like. In the vast majority of cases both parents came. Our nursery is quite friendly - small town, children often go to the park together after nursery, in most cases both parents share drop offs and pick ups so people do get to know each other.

When the first at home invitation came I thought back to a MN thread where the general consensus was that both parents going was an absolute no, and a friend said the same. But in the end all bar a few children had both parents there, and the hosts seemed perfectly chilled about it! They'd put out plenty of beers etc. and it was a nice sunny weekend, so all fairly relaxed.

One way to test the water would be to say something along the lines of: "Is it ok to bring the baby? No problem if makes things tricky - DH can come instead". Best case scenario is you get an along the lines of "the more the merrier - look forward to seeing you all".

It's really not that big a deal. OP has the social awareness to want to make friends and to understand that families meeting families can be a lot more beneficial in the long run than just the mums meeting.

Yes it might be a bit awkward if it ends up too crowded but it's so far from being the huge faux pas people are making it out to be it's laughable.

because it would be a nice family thing to do on a weekend
It's not a day out, it's a child's birthday party. Unless the invite says parents welcome to stay for drinks and nibbles, one parent stays at that age.

It's how she phrased it as if it's a fun day out for her family. With 10 children invited if all come as a family you'd have 30-40 people milling around in someone's kitchen or garden.

Yes. A fun day out because it's a chance to meet people. Not odd at all.

I went to one of these 'everyone welcome' parties decades ago, and the whole thing became about the adults, with the birthday child and his friends completely overlooked.

My own kids' parties were always at our house and always drop and go. That way DH and I could focus on the fun activities for the kids and managing them all. But that was in the days when drop and go was expected from about four years old!

I can see where you're coming from, as in you want to meet new people and make friends.
I don't think a child's birthday party is the way to go about it though, sorry.
The host will have enough on, and an extra three people might be a squeeze or an inconvenience.
I'd be worried about us all getting in the way.
It's not usually the done thing at house parties, one parent there is enough. So in the kindest possible way, YABU.