All 4 of us to attend bday party?

[wanderingwillows]

DD2 has just been invited to a nursery friend’s bday party next weekend. Not sure on the etiquette here - both my husband and I would like to take her (because it would be a nice family thing to do on a weekend and also to potentially make some new parent friends). We also have a newborn baby who would be with us.

My question is, would it be unreasonable for all 4 of us to rock up? Is that weird? It is at someone’s house. We don’t know them, never spoken, just have a number to RSVP to and invite came via nursery bag.

A lot of the kids at my daughter's nursery have had parties this year and for many of them both parents have come along and also brought babies who have stayed in their prams or been carried. I think that's absolutely fine at a soft play or similar, but too much in someone's house as if everyone did that there wouldn't be enough room.

One parent is to be expected but not double to numbers. Do you really not see why, at a party at home, all these extra random people could be a problem?? And how it puts the host family in the extremely awkward position of having to ask people to leave??
You own a three bed semi.
You invite 8 kids and expect them to come along with 1 parent.
All these families turn up, without asking, with 2 parents and all their children. So now you’ve got a a minimum of 32 people in your house. All whom you have to entertain and give drinks to. Can you really not see why this could be an issue?? You don’t go if you’re not invited. That is simple manners.

The host's worst nightmare, basically

Put yourself in their shoes

I can see it might be mildly problematic yes. It's still not as insane an idea as people are making out.

It's really quite odd how angry people are about just the idea of it.

Hi op I think you forgot to say in op that this happened at your dd party why not just text the host and ask them. Op if it’s happened before both parents attended. I think you might have got different responses also ignore the haters some people just love having a go at others on here.

Hmmm surely nursery parties are different? I mean they’ll all be about two? So surely the more adults supervising a load of toddlers the better!

It’s different when they go to
school but when mine were under 3 it was more about the adults socialising and getting to know each other. So it’s a fair enough question OP.

This - it’s not a ‘nice thing to do as a family’. It is a child being invited to someone else's party - only one parent chaperone and no siblings required.

How big are the houses of your kid's friends - if 4 people rocked up for every one kid I invited to my house we'd be struggling in the living room after 2 or 3 kids arrived!

What kind of parties do we think these 2 year olds are having? I mean they are barely verbal and aren’t going to be sit down playing pass the parcel?

We just used to have a BBQ in the garden with all the parents and yes siblings/babies were welcome. It’s different when they go to school. Then it was whole class parties and hired halls and drop off parties as soon as age appropriate.

I do think parties for nursery age kids are different. They are tiny!

Yeah no, this would be weird overkill vibes, but also rude especially in someone else's home. What if every child rocked up in a band of 4...crammed house and possibly not enough snacks or drinks to go round (if these are offered). I agree one parent remains at home with baby. Is it even that one parent is staying with each party going child? Often it's drop and go....

It’s summer so I’m guessing the party will be outside in the garden if weather appropriate? Not a load of toddlers crammed in to the lounge..

Drop and go for a two year old? Really? Good luck to the birthday child’s Mum then. Even nurseries have higher ratios than that.

I think people are not reading the OP and are assuming a school age child party.

who?? who's idea of a fun weekend activity is a room full of hyped up 4 year olds? who is that bloody crazy or bored?????

I stand corrected! I confess i read and leapt. In my own personal experience our first drop and go was to leave our 4 year old at someone's party. It was hard! But yes, 2 years old you do need one parent to stay with each child (definitely not 2 parents though)

A party full of small kids isn’t a nice family thing. One of you should not go and do something actually nice while the other one endures the party.

Most families I know have relatively small gardens and 100% won’t have enough chairs if everyone had two parents there

I'm so surprised at the response here! My daughter is only 3.5 so haven't been to loads of parties but have been to a fair few, most of the time we both go, and most of the time at least 1 other child has had both parents there too. I never really thought much of it.

Why so much rudeness and anger? No one is born knowing this stuff! Mumsnet is supposed to be for exactly this sort of question!

@wanderingwillows tbh I would go alone because of the baby. If you had two parents who could actively help that might be different but one of you will need to keep an eye on the baby so will take up room but be no help. When you have been to a few parties you will be arguing about who gets to stay at home, you wont be clamouring to go, together or seperately!

Imagine they've invited 10 children... and they all being 2 adults...
Send one parent and try and stay out of the way or help out if needed....

In your defence OP, I recently held a party for my 4yo and her nursery friends of which I didn’t know barely any of the parents. I was perfectly happy for them to both turn up and bring siblings and in fact a few did that without me saying. So it’s really not that outrageous!

A word of warning on the siblings.....in a few years you will have the party invitees and younger siblings who the parents expect to be fed, given a party bag and join in the games, without asking and without consideration for space/money etc.

Thats why its now very common for invites to say "Please note that only the child named is invited as we do not have room for siblings to attend". Better to nip it in the bud early ime! It gets easier when its dump and go.

At 2 it’s fine.

So surprised at these responses! Majority of our nursery birthdays both parents come and it’s great. A bit different if they were older maybe but I don’t find this unusual at all

If the party is held in someone's home it is likely that there just isn't enough room for entire families.

I don't find that surprising at all.

I think it's fine to ask. I get that with a new baby, you ideally want to be together, and as it won't cost more, I would have been happy to say yes.
Now if you wanted to bring your 5 older children to the swimming party at the local Y, where it was going to cost me a fortune, plus be a safety worry, then that would be different!