All 4 of us to attend bday party?

[wanderingwillows]

DD2 has just been invited to a nursery friend’s bday party next weekend. Not sure on the etiquette here - both my husband and I would like to take her (because it would be a nice family thing to do on a weekend and also to potentially make some new parent friends). We also have a newborn baby who would be with us.

My question is, would it be unreasonable for all 4 of us to rock up? Is that weird? It is at someone’s house. We don’t know them, never spoken, just have a number to RSVP to and invite came via nursery bag.

Omg no dont do that. Its an invite for your child not a "nice family" event. Its also at someone's house so space will be limited. Kids whose both parents rock up to beithday parties with siblings in tow rarely get invited again to birthday parties. One of you take her and the other stays home with the sibling.

How many names are in the invite?

Why don't people understand this wnd stop inviting themselves to places they have no business being.

It is a nice thing but only after you've laid the groundwork and got to know the families, it isn't the opportunity to do so. One of you go this year, make plans to get to know some of the other families one on one and next year you will just know who expects you "en masse" and who you don't know well enough.

Hmmm clearly this depends place to place because at our school birthday parties both parents and baby in arms do usually turn up. Has been the case since DS was 3, he’s 5 now. I usually assume both parents will turn up but we’re all becoming friends now. I would ask the host, I doubt they’ll get offended by you asking. It becomes rocky ground when siblings are old enough to eat and participate. Before that it’s been fine for us.

No definitely not the thing to do. It’s worthwhile checking if your child needs to be dropped off and collected, or if they’re expecting a parent to be there. If the latter then it would be acceptable for a babe in arms to be there too.

If it’s at someone’s house, it’s likely they’ll just be expecting one child (as invited). They definitely won’t expect a family of four turning up. They’ll likely now have enough space. It would totally throw them out. Totally different if you know the family well but even then the invitation would make it clear all were invited.

Please don’t just turn up! It will likely be embarrassing!

If they’ve got a small house, this is the last thing they’ll want! Ring them and have a conversation.

Usually at age 4, a parent would be expected to stay but think both of you in someone's house is a bit unnecessary. In a public place like a soft play or trampoline park it would be ok.

OP probably hopefully got the message now.
Hope her kid and the birthday child have fun.
I knew someone through toddler groups and pre school who'd jump on a and opportunity to get free food and fun for her family (they were very well off), but were takers. The OP thinking this could be a fun day out for her family reminded me of her.

There is a family in my DS’s class who do this, and everyone else thinks they’re strange to do so. Sorry.

Definitely only one parent. It’s far too much to host 2 parents per family. And not the best start to potential new friendships!

Wanting to meet other familes and make friends - you are right that's not ludicrous, agreed. But going to someone's home whom you don't know broadly uninvited except your child without asking first assuming it is ok and that there will be enough space and consumables, calling it a nice family outing- that's ludicrous.

If they want to spend time with other families to get to know them, be a normal person and arrange a play date.

Went to one last week and I was the odd one out being a solo parent, literally every other child had both parents there. Maybe area dependent? I’m in the SE

They’re 2, there’s no way they can just be dropped off

Noooooo why would you do that!!!!

A nice family thing to do.
Op this is someone's home they have invited your child for a birthday, they have not invited your whole family for a day out.

The heat in some of these replies! I’m asking the question because I genuinely don’t know the etiquette (as I wrote). DD is only 2 so we’ve not come across this before. We had a party in our home for her 2nd birthday and every child attended with both parents, but we’d assumed that would be the case and so I wanted to check whether others would make the same assumption. I’m not being entitled or a “taker” at all - if I was, I wouldn’t ask the question or worry about getting it right. Also, as for the family time thing, weekends are family time and we like to be together - that’s what I mean. We don’t usually split up and do separate things as we like to spend the time as a family. Again, I’m questioning whether that’s the right thing to do in this scenario and I gather that it isn’t. So I have my answer! Thanks for all the helpful replies, it is genuinely insightful. As for anyone enraged by a simple question, well I’m not sure what I can say to help you…!

It’s really about the child’s birthday, not about a nice outing for the family but as others have said, just check the form with the parents. Better to ask and comply than get it wrong when space and resources might be at a premium.

It's not you. The replies that are so incensed by a completely reasonable scenario are bonkers.

Possibly slightly mis-judged. Far from ludicrous.

Let you husband take her now while he still wants to. Mine gets out of any of these social things if he can help and in fairness I do too. By the time your youngest is 4 neither will want to take the child to a party

“Nice family thing to do” 😂 😂 😂

It’s not supposed to be a day out for all of you. One parent max to stay if they’re little and need help/supervision.

weekends are family time and we like to be together - that’s what I mean. We don’t usually split up and do separate things as we like to spend the time as a family. It's one thing to try and spend as much time together as a family on weekends and another to expect to attend every single thing as a group of 4. I'd imagine you don't all go shopping at the supermarket together? Parties are normally for those invited and when kids are younger, a parent accompanying them unless it's specified on the invite. From year 1 or 2 they are drop and run. Where the family always attends as a group, I worry about controlling behaviours, insecurities.

Once your dc is in school, starts hobbies and younger dc gets invited to parties you will all be going your own ways on weekends, dropping, running and being designated taxi drivers for your dc.

But it’s not a reasonable scenario. You don’t turn up to someone’s house with extra people who are not invited! If you’d been invited to a house party would you turn up with 3 extra friends???

Who has been invited? A child too young to be left. So it's already an invitation wider than the actual named person.

It's really not completely unreasonable to think that 2 adults would be welcome when 1 is when 1 isn't named. And the baby doesn't count.

It's just not in any way a big deal that justifies the astounded responses on here. It's weird anyone is making such a big deal of what might be, at worst, slightly unusual a choice

I wouldn't xx