All 4 of us to attend bday party?

[wanderingwillows]

DD2 has just been invited to a nursery friend’s bday party next weekend. Not sure on the etiquette here - both my husband and I would like to take her (because it would be a nice family thing to do on a weekend and also to potentially make some new parent friends). We also have a newborn baby who would be with us.

My question is, would it be unreasonable for all 4 of us to rock up? Is that weird? It is at someone’s house. We don’t know them, never spoken, just have a number to RSVP to and invite came via nursery bag.

How old is she? Two parents is overkill in a house party and although a babe in arms probably doesn’t count as bringing a sibling, one parent should stay home with the baby.

Yes I think all 4 of you in someone's house is a little weird. This situation only needs one parent!

No that’s rude. If DD is young enough a parent needs to stay, that’s fine. But it’s not a family outing.

Please don’t, unless the invite is explicit that all are welcome. The parents of the birthday child will not be expecting to cater for extra adults (even if they are not doing food/drinks they will need enough chairs and will at least offer a cup of tea!).

Both parents cannot turn up to a party at someone’s house….! Even at soft play it would be a bit OTT. I don’t think they’d mind a newborn in the sling. Or any baby before they’re mobile. Don’t bring the pushchair.

The only time we all 4 go to children's birthday parties is if we know the family well already and they said we can all go.

Unless invited or unless me or DH are away, we split forces.

If you don't know them, and as it is a party at their house - just one of you should take your kid IMO. Otherwise weird.

1 child is invited.

They attend with one adult (until about year 2 when they can often just be dropped off).

This is a birthday party for your dc’s friend, not a family day out for your and your family. The fact it’s at someone’s house should make this obvious but even if it was elsewhere it would be rude to turn up with the entire family in tow.

i imagine the party is only a couple of hours long. Have your family time before and after.

Yes, this would be unreasonable. Unless they live in a palace, space is likely to be tight at an at-home party, and by bringing the whole family you're taking up more of it!

Too much in someone's house.

Leisure centre or soft play where there's more space would be different.

Defo do not do this! It’s not a nice family event for you and your family. It’s an invite for your daughter and one parents has to go by default.

A toddler's birthday party is not a "nice family thing to do" 😂 no of course you can't all rock up to someone's house, unless they were family friends that you all knew and so you were all invited.

One of you goes with DD and the other stays at home with baby or goes out and does something else.

You should ask. In our circle, house/garden parties are for the family because we are lucky that we are all friends (both kids and parents) so it is a family outing, parents all chat while kids, both younger and older, play. Same with soft play, quite common for both parents to attend here,

But if it’s someone I didn’t know, I wouldn’t do that. If I had a tiny baby I would ask about it though.

Why on earth would you think the invite is a " nice family thing" for all four of you???????

Thanks all that’s helpful!

If it’s at someone’s house, I’d say one parent only. When it’s been at a leisure centre etc it’s been a mixed bag but still mostly only one parent. Especially if you have a second child, they’re usually allowed to come along if you have no option but people would expect you to leave them at home if both parents are available.

Mumsnet generally say it’s weird so I imagine it’s area dependent.
Nursery parties in London, in my experience, have always been predominantly 2 parents going and socialising with the other parents along side the kids playing at the party. But most parents in the nursery knew eachother and there was very much the culture of socialising with other parents outside drop off.
If you aren’t sure and particularly as it’s in someone’s home then one of you stays with the baby and one attends the party.

Nope - divide and conquer. A stranger’s toddler birthday is not a ‘nice family thing to do’. It’s something to be endured and then you can go and do a nice family thing after.

No. Of course not. Not sure if your daughter is 2, or you mean your second daughter, it's ambiguous but an invite is for the child only. If one person feels they need to stay then ask, but it's not a family outing.n

On the other side of things I wouldn’t mind if you all turned up, I think it would be nice to meet other parents.

When we hosted 4 and 5yr old summer birthday parties we often had the whole family come. It was relaxed and enjoyable.

If you were worried you could ask the host. Personally I wouldn’t mind at all.

Where I live, it's pretty common for the whole family to go as it's quite a friendly community but sounds like that's not the norm! I think I'd send DH and stay home with baby.

Your experience is not universal though, if OP isn’t sure then it’s better to be cautious since she clearly doesn’t know the parents well enough, but for many people parties of preschoolers is an family thing.

This depends on the venue and the age of the sibling for me. If it’s at someone’s home then no just one parent as if every child invited brought both parents and siblings it could get very cramped quickly. At village hall / indoor play with ample space and seating it’s absolutely fine.

Bringing a newborn to a soft play party is fine but once they’re older don’t bring them to anything where they’re going to increase the cost of the party for the host. We’ve had people bring siblings to our parties and then been charged an extra £12.99 per head for each one. Or similarly don’t bring them to anything where they’re going to stop their older sibling having fun with their friends.

Im in London and like honeyhonay and it is really common for both parents (and a newborn) to go. But it is location dependent. Sometimes invites say e.g. only 1 parent, if space limited.

Do not all go.
You go with your child and leave dh with baby or vice versa.

If i knew the mum (you dont) I'd ask but in these circs I'd either send 1 parent with the invited child or not go if family time is more important than the party.

Edit: I think if its a church hall or something I might chance it but in someone's house def not...

No don’t do this. If they’ve invited 10 kids, imagine if every family did this? It would be absolute bedlam and unless they live in a mansion the house/ garden would be completely bursting. And it adds additional stress to the person running the party who’s just trying to give their DC a treat.

Remember- this is about the birthday child and not you/ your family.

And I am not germ-phobic at all but a toddler birthday is literally a Petri dish of bodily fluids. I’m not sure I’d take a newborn unless it was genuinely unavoidable.