All 4 of us to attend bday party?

[wanderingwillows]

DD2 has just been invited to a nursery friend’s bday party next weekend. Not sure on the etiquette here - both my husband and I would like to take her (because it would be a nice family thing to do on a weekend and also to potentially make some new parent friends). We also have a newborn baby who would be with us.

My question is, would it be unreasonable for all 4 of us to rock up? Is that weird? It is at someone’s house. We don’t know them, never spoken, just have a number to RSVP to and invite came via nursery bag.

At all of my children's birthday parties when they were nursery age and under, it was really common for both parents to come along, including when we had a party at the house. I actually thought it was totally normal until reading this thread.

I think it's fine, not weird at all. We never hosted a party at home but did go to a couple and we were far from the only ones who went together.

Where I live it’s expected that the whole family goes and nursery parties have been more about parents getting to know each other. Then again most parties are held in parks or rented spaces probably for this reason.

It’s fine both parents attending a big class party say at a village hall or large soft play venue, but might be a bit much in someone’s home that youve never met. Obviously at that age one parent needs to stay. x

Ask. We have garden parties for DSs birthdays, we have a big garden and DH loves hosting and socialising so everyone's invited.
But they may have a small house and can't accommodate that many people.

My question is, would it be unreasonable for all 4 of us to rock up? Is that weird?

@wanderingwillows Yes and yes, especially as it is at someone's house. If all the families turned up it would be too crowded and too overwhelming for the little ones. At that age one parent would stay, but having other parents and siblings invite themselves in would be very rude.

I found socialising with other parents at parties very helpful, and I hope you manage to find some like minded parents. Unlike many mumsnetters I enjoyed socialising with the other parents at children's parties.

A family is DDs school used to do this. Both parents would turn up at class parties and do every school drop off and pick up together. Was very weird. They’d drive to the school and stop outside the gate on the yellow lines in their convertible even though they lived a 10 minute walk away. They’re really lovely people too but this annoyed me.

We’ve done both, and when we’ve had parties it’s been a 50/50 split if all or just solo sibling/parent show. If it’s a no siblings thing I think that should be made clear cause this expectation (either way) so often ends up being an issue! If I were you I’d just ask them if there’s a number on the invite. Something like “thanks for the invite! X would love to come. Is it a family affair where all of us would be welcome (X’s parents and newborn too) or is it best to have just X and one parent so as to not overwhelm bday girl/boy and have the house overrun with guests? No prob either way. Thanks X is looking forward to it!”

One parent only - think of space and also extra work involved (albeit making an extra drink, but if all families take two parents, that could be ten extra drinks).

I'd say one of you goes, and maybe the other could come and collect five mins before end of party - that way they get to say 'hello' to one or two others.

a nice family thing to do on a weekend

No.

It's a child's birthday party, the invitation is for your child, not 4 people.

Good lord why would you do this?? What happens if everyone does this? If you invited 2 people to your house ( child and parent) and then double that number turned up would that be ok?? And then multiply that by the 8 kids you invited??

Unless they have specifically said all welcome then don't do this.
Kids parties are not nice family outings!
One adult attends and the other adult looks after the sibling elsewhere (unless it's a party at a public venue, in which case bringing a sibling can be acceptable as long as you pay for them and don't expect them to be part of the party group e.g. expecting food, party bag, being able to play with the sibling and their friends).

We’ve attended approx 12 birthday parties since my daughter started pre school last September “, she starts reception in September. I have a baby and my husband stayed at home with the baby for her first party. I would say around 30% of parents came as a couple. Many had babies or very young children. I’m now more relaxed about attending on my own or with partner because it seems to be the done thing in DDs class.

All parties have been soft play / farm parties, except one house party but her house was an absolutely enormous Manor House. And people still came in couples / families. Many invites say siblings welcome too.

I would be cautious turning up to a house party with all of you. I would suggest going alone the first time to be honest, or maybe asking the host first

Parties at public venues are a different matter. If you pay for yourself then that’s up to you who goes.

You could both go to start with, but with a plan that if all the other kids have only one parent/ there isn't much space/ party parents look a bit overwhelmed then one of you is just the "pop in" parent who says "right I'll be off now to take baby for a walk. Nice to meet you, see you all later" or similar. If on the other hand they are very welcoming and were clearly hoping to make some parent friends then stay! When we've done parties at home we always have a good time with the parents

as it is someone’s house I would say no don’t do it. Go and find a coffee shop nearby to chill with your newborn and a coffee while DH deals with the kid madness. You’ll laugh at yourself for this in a few years.

Another Londoner here who thinks this is perfectly fine. It was very common when my children were toddlers for the whole family to attend pre-school parties. It was a way for people to get to know each other. One of the parents we met this way is now my son's A-Level tutor. Others are now longstanding friends. It's a nice thing.

I also think it's less work, not more. You've got more parents supervising, handing round drinks, picking up rubbish.

You surely wouldn't leave a three or four year old alone at a relative stranger's party?

I think if at a village hall or party venue this would be absolutely fine, I’ve seen lots of kids at 2/3 year old parties with both parents and a baby in tow. As it’s at a house, I’d just message the parent to check if okay? They might have a big house/garden and be fine with it.

Definitely just ask.
If part of your reason is to make friends then starting a convo on text would be great - give a back out and say you understand if it's too much then that's all good and maybe a you could meet for a separate park gathering another time

No, that is not the done thing at all

Totally right! And for someone you dont know, ludicrous 🤣

It's not ludicrous at all. It's really entirely normal to want to meet other families as a family and start making friends that way. People really do overreact to the most innocuous situations.

Responses to this are so weird. I have been to probably 50 kids parties (pre-school age) in the last two years and in all of them most kids are accompanied by both parents, who then all talk to each other/have got to know each other.

No one has said drop and go, everyone has said only one parent attends. The poster is not a single parent so no dilemma over arranging childcare, it's simply they think it's a nice family outing (which starts to go into CF territory if they continue this as the baby gets older and they think they can tag onto older siblings invites).

Offering to help out in a hall would seem polite, but at someone's house where you don't know how much room they have, so to me it is rude to assume you can bring the family for an afternoon of free entertainment!

If the invite specifically said all welcome or the parent had said oh you must bring your partner and baby then that would be fine, as it hasn't been said I would be cautious on this occasion and only send one parent.

Also in London. Our house is big enough for both parents to come to the nursery parties we had, but I always found it odd when that happened. It isn’t a family outing, it’s an invite for the child and the parent has to go with them.