All 4 of us to attend bday party?

[wanderingwillows]

DD2 has just been invited to a nursery friend’s bday party next weekend. Not sure on the etiquette here - both my husband and I would like to take her (because it would be a nice family thing to do on a weekend and also to potentially make some new parent friends). We also have a newborn baby who would be with us.

My question is, would it be unreasonable for all 4 of us to rock up? Is that weird? It is at someone’s house. We don’t know them, never spoken, just have a number to RSVP to and invite came via nursery bag.

I wouldn’t have minded in the least if a whole family came to one of my children’s parties. I love meeting people and it was nice to have more adults there to help out. I think this thread shows that there’s a mix of thoughts and it’s dependant on the hosts. So I agree that it’s worth asking

Lol, some of the reactions are a bit dramatic. I think op gets the general eticate, but not everyone hates kids parties. 🤣

It’s ironic that this is more common in the homes of Londoners which are more likely to me be smaller than the rest of the country! The idea of the unfriendly big meanie Londoner doesn’t stack up does it 😂

Socialising at baby and toddler parties is definitely what cemented our friendship group in the early years and a few years later everyone could rely on other people in the group to drop calpol over when the shop shut, collect child from a club or something.

I would have found it really odd and rude and would have expected 1 parent (and the other stay home with the baby). I would have understood if 1 parent showed up with preschooler and baby apologising that the other parent was at work, so no one to look after baby, but for 2 adults and a baby to rock up 🤯.

I've had full families attend at that age and enjoyed it. But I've already known at least one of the parents well and did parties that could spill into the garden. Not sure how I'd feel if I didn't know them but probably would just be happy to be friends with more families.

Ha, yes. We're probably just used to everywhere being crowded. A couple more people aren't going to make a difference.

I don't know anyone who would say "Oh no, my child's birthday had TOO MANY attendees."

But I guess this is MN where on one hand nobody answers their front door, parties are a joyless chore and everyone is convinced the 'clique' of school gate mums hate them.

At nursery these parties can often be a bit more social and two parents do go. Just find a casual way of asking this of the host who is best placed to answer. “Thanks for the invite, sounds great. Don’t know how limited you are on space once all the kids are there, so shall we plan for just one of us to bring our dd?” And see whether the host replies with a more open invite.

Definitely not. It’s not a public outing, it’s someone’s house.

At that age I don’t think it’s unreasonable, if they were older say 6/7 then yes I would say you wouldn’t need to but that age I think is fine

I commend your friendly and positive attitude to getting to know people. My own husband would rather have poked his eye out than go to a kid's birthday party.
It's not family outing though...no one really wants to hang around in someone else's cramped house for two hours. We do it under duress.
There will be other opportunities to get to know other parents.

I always find families who send both parents to a party utterly bizarre. It’s like a weird co dependence thing. Just have one of you use the time for some 121 time with the baby.

I think some of you attend and throw very different parties than what I’m used to.

Assuming this is a normal house- it is likely already pretty full to bursting with the people they have invited and their family members. We always went just one parent and alternated and it was often hard for people to find seats even then. For a village hall party, it is usually fine for you both to go (just ask first).

For my daughters reception party we did have a few parents ask to both join, and we agree and it was nice to chat to them, but I'm not sure they realised we had to pay extra (£10 each) for the second parents to the venue than we had originally budgeted.

If you live in a very affluent area and they have a very large house you would probably be fine to ask to both join as space would likely be less of an issue.

I have felt like this - would always view party attendance as a one of the team job and I struggle to understand why a couple would both want to do this. But op your opening post is sweet and you are both right to think about socialising with nursery parents and building your network. This just isn’t the place for that imo.

It’s not a nice family thing for all four of you though, the invitation was for your toddler and who naturally needs someone to take them.

I did a house party for my daughter's 5th birthday and made it clear parents could stay if they wanted but space was limited so drop and go also fine. EVERY adult stayed and the living room dining room was flanked with parents standing shoulder to shoulder. One parent was tasked with making brews for everyone and the whole thing just felt like a spectator sport of trying to entertain children and do party games while their parents stared from the sidelines in an enclosed space. Hard work!

Well, I’m a Londoner too who thinks this is absolutely not fine 🤷🏻‍♀️
What do you normally do at the weekends, op, if you think going to a stranger’s house would be a “nice , family thing to do”?

No, not at someone’s house. Either Dh goes or you go with the baby. Bringing the baby would be fine, but just mention it in your rsvp.

At soft play, totally fine as long as you pay for yourself, though a bit weird. There are always a few of those couples who can’t seem to be out of each other’s sight. We all know who they are. They’re the ones who seem to do the school run together every day. But honestly, birthday parties are for whoever draws the short straw. No one actually wants to go to them. One of you goes because you have to.

If you do go to a venue party though, offer to pay for the extra parent. We’ve definitely done parties, like for our 10 year old, where we didn’t expect parents to come and suddenly they both turn up and it’s £15 per person for entry and they just stood there at the door to be counted while we paid. 🙄 I would have been out of there like a shot to have a coffee in peace at the cafe.

No, don't do it.
For one for the space issue, Another as all the attention will be off the birthday child and onto your baby, which isn't fair.

I don't recognise this idea of parties being hellish endurance tests either. They were always for us a nice afternoon for the children to be entertained while the adults had a catch-up. Neither DH or I saw making friends or having normal social interaction as the terrible chore it is being made out to be.

Another Londoner here who thinks this is very common. Unless it soft play, or somewhere with an entry charge the parents have paid, the whole family goes. They are social events at our school. The children all play together and the parents hang out and chat. We have a lovely community of parents and getting to know them makes it easier for play dates etc.

As the information isn’t explicit, and you’re not sure what the etiquette is where you are, I’d text the organiser and ask if the invite is for child plus parent or everyone, making it clear either option is fine for you.

This actually reminds me of a party my DD went to when she was in year 1. COVID had meant they weren't in for reception so this was the first time people began to host parties. She was invited to a party at someone's house and on arrival the mum politely said parents are welcome to stay...which everyone did (it was a September birthday so probably the first school party and no one wanted to leave their 5 year old at a strangers house).
Afterwards I did hear the mum saying she didn't realise everyone would stay, that it was more chaotic than she expected as she ended up trying to host parents and children (plus it was a very small house so with 10 parents it was a bit of a squeeze). She made sure the following year to include drop and go on the invite 😂

At the very least you need to ask.

I had a party for one of my kids when he was around 5 and it was at my very small house. One friend messaged and said could she bring her son's siblings and I said I was really sorry but we were limited on space but that if she couldn't get childcare I'd rather have them all than none of them and we'd squish in.

She got childcare, so it was all good.
And then on the day of the party one little boy arrives with mum and dad and baby sibling. Like... wtf?
They didn't even ask, just sat down taking up the entire sofa and made themselves at home. I felt really awkward, especially because I was worried my friend then felt like I'd been unfair and asked her not to bring siblings but let other people do so.

Anyway, that's a really long way to say don't do it.

The party is for the birthday child you meeting potential parent friends is a bonus. Don’t crash a child’s birthday for your on family needs.

Ask when you reply.
There really is a lot of variation.
It might be that they want to meet other families too.

I would allocate your husband to take D2.
Taking a newborn out to socialise before having some vaccination shots is a risk.