To think this wedding is taking the piss a bit

[BraveLittleBird]

Second wedding, 100+ guests. I can’t get out of attending but AIBU to be annoyed about the following:

Remote venue which means either driving or paying for taxis. Some transport has been laid on but guests are being charged to use it

A honeymoon fund complete with bank details

A dress code request only shared 2 weeks before the day when most people will have bought outfits

There are other minor things but these have particularly annoyed me as the first two seem tight and grabby - you don’t invite people then expect them to pay and if you can afford a big do you should pay for your own bloody holiday. The third is just thoughtless and sums up the ‘all about them never mind their guests’ attitude.

I’m sure there are worse bride/groomzillas out there but AIBU to find this a bit of a piss take when we’re already spending several hundred on accommodation as we don’t live nearby.

The dress code thing is the only annoying thing there. Just don’t attend, they don’t need people like you around on their wedding day, and with over 100 people they will live without you just fine! Make your excuses and enjoy your day alone

Awful behaviour; I'd definitely wouldn't be contributing to the honeymoon fund, and at this late stage wouldn't be rushing out to buy a new outfit.

Edit: typo.

You don’t like them very much, then? Shame you have to attend.

I wouldn’t buy a second outfit and i wouldn’t contribute to someone’s second honeymoon. No way!

The late dress code is the only unreasonable thing. Honeymoon fund is fine. You don’t have to contribute to that if you don’t want to. But why go to a wedding of people you don’t like?

I would me meh about dress code, the rest is just wedding expense really, i don't know where you expected them to get married that didn't involve any travel ? Money as a gift is an easy option. Sounds like you are complaining because you don't like one or both of them.

First one, kind of annoying but seems to be a common thing now - been to a couple of weddings recently in converted barns that were very remote, but beautiful. But personally, yes I would pay for the laid on transport if it was my wedding, rather than charge the guests.

Second one, seems to be the done thing now - I don’t mind it if the couple have lived together a while and don’t need any of the ‘home’ things that wedding gift lists were traditionally for.

Third one, absolute piss take, and I’d be telling the bride and groom I’ll be wearing whatever I had bought for the occassion, and not forking out for something else just because they’d decided to add a dress code 2 weeks before the wedding. Cheeky fuckers!

Yeah I’d swerve this one. The only wedding I attended that asked for money for the honeymoon, they never even sent a thank you card or text or anything! At a wedding with that many attendees you’re likely not going to get time to celebrate with the bride and groom anyway, beyond being in the same room as them.

It’s tacky to ask for money, especially for a second wedding.

It’s up to you if you want to stay over or pay for taxis and that’s just a normal part of having a wedding. I don’t think it’s fair to criticise them for their wedding venue, but I dint think you are obliged to follow a dress code that wasn’t specified on the original invitation.

The third is the worst. Two weeks isn't enough notice and depending on what the "dress code" is (like a colour for the sake of insta worthy photos) wouldn't even be ok with more notice.

The first, well a lot of wedding venues are remote so it's not unusual and there might not have been better options. We wanted to use a venue relatively near the station but we backed out after going to an open day and finding the place was filthy so had to go with something further away than we'd wanted.

The second I don't have any problems with. Especially with it being a second wedding they've probably got plenty of household things and I don't see the point in buying tat for the sake of it. It

Second wedding, 100+ guests. I can’t get out of attending

?

By all means vent away. But unless you are the bride (or groom 🤔) it's easy to get out of attending.

"Sorry, I can't make it. Have a lovely day".

Unless I am missing something ?

You say you have to go - I assume a sibling or something like that ?

I would drive. Gives me control over when I leave.

Personally I dislike the current trend to fund the honeymoon, but have reconciled myself to it and it’s less wasteful than buying something they neither need nor want.

The dress code is just rude imo. And I am contrary enough to ensure I in no way met it.

I totally get the honeymoon fund, they don’t want to risk getting 100+ toasters for instance. I prefer to give a cash gift and always worry it’ll go walk about when I had over the card with cash to some random from the wedding party so bank transfer would be great!

Transport cost. Get this too. However, I’m fairly generous so I would probably covered it.

The dress code. 2 weeks notice is an absolute p - take. Most frocks would have been bought by this stage - and likely the labels removed too. Plus accessories to match. The only way this is even remotely acceptable is if they only decided to get wed 2 weeks ago. I wouldn’t be happy with this and I’d go in the outfit already chosen.

Why can't you get out of attending?
Unless you are a sibling or parent of the Bride/Groom then you don't have to go.
If you are a sibling/parent then you need to be honest and say you can't afford the extras and if they want you there then they need to help you out.

(personally I wouldn't be paying "£100s" for accommodation for a wedding that's not a sibling/parent/child anyway....unless I was combining it with a holiday)

The dress code 2 weeks before would piss me off but the other things are fine

What was the dress code?

Why is the fund for a honeymoon so bad? Unless you intend to go with nothing, you'll be spending money. Might as well give them what they will enjoy most relating to their weeding.

The first wouldn't bother me at all as I'd just drive.

The second wouldn't bother me as I find it much easier to give money than have the headache of working out what to buy.

However, as a grown woman I dislike being told what I can and can't wear to a wedding.

The dress code part is the only bit that is unusual. The rest is just normal wedding stuff.

Driving to the venue- fine
contributing to honeymoon- not something I would ask guests to do, but also fine
dress code- wtaf!

I’d assume second wedding, they have everything so don’t need gifts for starting out but money towards honeymoon would be a treat - I don’t have an issue with this.

Location, you have to drive… er, so what? Don’t have an issue with that either. Why would you expect the couple to pay for your transportation?

Dress code - that’s the only thing I’d be annoyed about to be honest, depending on how particular it is. If it’s “please don’t wear white” then I’d assume someone is being a dick and planning to so they had to resolve that issue messaging all rather than deal with confrontation.

I’d be making an excuse why I couldn’t make it. Honeymoons shoukd be what the bride and groom can afford.

Remote Venue: their choice really, most venues would require driving or taxis unless they get married in a large city centre

Honeymoon fund: I would prefer this to having to think of a gift to buy or give cash

Dress code: yes completely unreasonable

Also, you need to remember that you're just a wedding guest, you haven't been sent by God as the messiah.

So if it's needling you this much, just don't go.

Their wedding will still go ahead and the world will continue turning.

I do like them normally which is why this is surprising and feels out of character.

I appreciate not all venues are very accessible but if you choose one that isn’t I think it’s extremely cheeky to then charge people to get there. Likewise I understand not wanting any more ‘stuff’ but I’d just specify no presents not expect cash and certainly not share bank details - obviously it’s easier that way but it feels tacky.

I’ve got a close friend getting married for the second time next year, 30 or so friends/family and no presents. That seems much more acceptable to me.