To think this wedding is taking the piss a bit

[BraveLittleBird]

Second wedding, 100+ guests. I can’t get out of attending but AIBU to be annoyed about the following:

Remote venue which means either driving or paying for taxis. Some transport has been laid on but guests are being charged to use it

A honeymoon fund complete with bank details

A dress code request only shared 2 weeks before the day when most people will have bought outfits

There are other minor things but these have particularly annoyed me as the first two seem tight and grabby - you don’t invite people then expect them to pay and if you can afford a big do you should pay for your own bloody holiday. The third is just thoughtless and sums up the ‘all about them never mind their guests’ attitude.

I’m sure there are worse bride/groomzillas out there but AIBU to find this a bit of a piss take when we’re already spending several hundred on accommodation as we don’t live nearby.

I think choosing a venue that’s convenient for guests to get to is more normal - it’s the height of rudeness to invite someone to an event then expect them to pay.

Couldn't care less about a honeymoon fund, if I'm attending a wedding I expect to give a gift and I'm not offended at the concept of giving money if that's what they prefer; means it's not wasted. Second wedding, they will have all the toasters they need.

Remote location doesn't offend me either, it's common to have to travel for weddings and if I can't afford or make it then I just give apologies. Couples accept that if they choose a location based on what they want rather than what's accessible. I do think if you're going to provide a coach or something then you should pay for it, though.

Dress code two weeks before is ridiculous. Wouldn't go to any huge effort for that. What dress code is it?

Dress code is the only unreasonable aspect of this. The rest is just not to your liking. Go or don’t go.

You never attend weddings with a dress code on the invitation?

I'm not sure I've ever bought a whole new outfit for someone else's wedding, except DS's. I used to just bung on a hat with a pretty frock when i was young and after my own wedding, my going away outfit became vfm.

The cheek of dictating what guests wear.

Don't go then if you feel so resentful about it. You still haven't explained why you're obligated to attend.

It’s not about you, it’s not your wedding, if you don’t like it, you do not have to go. 2nd wedding or not, it doesn’t devalue this marriage to be.

What's the thing that's not allowed. If it's a very formal venue and x is beach shorts then I've got some sympathy for the couple.

unless they have taken one of your children hostage then just don't go.

The first too are perfectly normal and not anything to get upset about.

The 3rd is bad but you say its to do with the venue? Have they only just found out? What is the request?

TBH I don’t think many venues are easy to get to unless it’s a registry office or traditional church then meal at a hotel wedding and even then family & friends who don’t live locally will still have to travel. Including our own we’ve been to 3 weddings in the last 2 years, ours was maybe 20 mins from the nearest motorway and 10 mins from the nearest premier inn and unbeknown to us guests struggled to get taxis at the end 😭 the second wedding was in wales and took us an hour to get to and the third was 2 hours from us and we booked an Airbnb and made a long weekend of it. The venue was in the back of beyond but a beautiful setting. We generally suss out the travelling/ accommodation costs before we rsvp.
Surely if you don’t want to pay for the transport then you make your own way there?
Are you thinking that the bride & groom should pay the travelling costs for all guests including those who make their own way there??

The honeymoon fund is fine, it's reasonable for people to want to give a gift and they're showing you exactly what they want. You could put in a tenner or a thousand pounds. Or if uncomfortable with that then just give a card with a bit of cash or a voucher in.

The payment to get to the venue I'm not sure it's terrible either. If it required an overnight stay I would expect them to pay for that. But otherwise it's a cost incurred and you get food, drink and socialising out of it in exchange. But it depends on how 'worth it' you feel it'll be..

The outfits. Well it depends on the theme. I'd hope most wouldn't be needing to buy something new to accommodate it. It's difficult to say on that one.

If you really don't fancy it, and don't think you'll enjoy it and you'll feel 'ripped off', then you shouldn't go. With that many people they won't miss a few.

I'm sure they'd rather you didn't attend than go begrudgingly and moan and slag it off to people afterwards.

Nope. The only acceptable dress code (and that's a bit weird, is black tie). The dress code for a wedding is the same; morning suit or smart tailored suot for men, nice dress or smart trousers, nowadays, for the women. It prevailed for my parents, it prevailed 35 years ago for us and it prevails now for the DC and their friends. DD goes to a lot of weddings because she sings at them and has a couple of simple frocks from Oliver Bonas, and a nice headband thingy.

Ignore the dress code and the money grabbing, just don't send any.

Really you’d expect the B& G to pay the accommodation costs for all guests?? I’ve never heard of that!!!

I’ve never been to a wedding that stipulated a dress code, thank goodness. And the last one we attended was held in a beautiful little church in the City of London with coaches laid on to take guests on to the reception venue at Dockside.
It was all very thoughtful and well arranged and paid for by the B and G

Of course 2 nights makes sense when you don't live locally.

A honeymoon fund complete with bank details
All the weddings I've attended in the past 15 years have had bank details to make a contribution.

It really isn't unless the guest is a massive CF with a sense of high entitlement.

Why are you not driving anyway?

Is it because you want booze while you're there?

The only thing I would be annoyed about here is the lateness of the dress code notice. I’ve attended over 10 weddings over the last 3/4 years - majority all remote and at no point did it ever cross my mind that the couple should pay for me to get there 😂so that’s a new one on me!

I guess it depends on their budget. I've been to a couple that were in a country house type hotel and they did pay for us to stay overnight.

But maybe we were just lucky. I think 'expect' was probably a strong word. I'd more say I'd hope they would.

But in general as long as they're up front about what is and isn't being paid for, it's usually perfectly fair and you choose to come or not.

Dress code suoer annoying and they should be funding the bus/transport themselves.

Second wedding??? Definitely a piss take.
Why couldn’t they just get on with getting married quietly like normal people?

Agree with a lot of posters that the dresscode is annoying (unless just what you’d expect to wear anyway. The rest is fine

It’s really normal to have a dress code. I,ve never had an invite that didn’t say “ summer formal” or “wear what you feel appropriate” or something.
Maybe they forgot or assumed people knew and were fed up of guests asking