To think this wedding is taking the piss a bit

[BraveLittleBird]

Second wedding, 100+ guests. I can’t get out of attending but AIBU to be annoyed about the following:

Remote venue which means either driving or paying for taxis. Some transport has been laid on but guests are being charged to use it

A honeymoon fund complete with bank details

A dress code request only shared 2 weeks before the day when most people will have bought outfits

There are other minor things but these have particularly annoyed me as the first two seem tight and grabby - you don’t invite people then expect them to pay and if you can afford a big do you should pay for your own bloody holiday. The third is just thoughtless and sums up the ‘all about them never mind their guests’ attitude.

I’m sure there are worse bride/groomzillas out there but AIBU to find this a bit of a piss take when we’re already spending several hundred on accommodation as we don’t live nearby.

Would have loved a big fancy wedding but I wouldn’t have dreamt of expecting guests to fund it!
That isn't what they are doing. They are just being helpful about saying what they would like best if you want to get them something. It's massively helpful to me as a guest and I would be happy with every wedding doing it. Saves me the chore of having to guess and go and buy something and almost certainly getting it wrong.

Given the specifics and costs involved, they must realise that not all of their guests will be up for attending. What's the reason you can't get out of it?

Some wedding couples are grabby. A wedding is a celebration, not an opportunity to fleece your guests.

I don't think people would "clash" with bridesmaids? In all the weddings I've been to (a lot!) no-one has clashed with the bridesmaids. If someone wears a similar colour - does it matter? Perhaps it's focussing on the wrong thing....

…I really don’t see what a bride saying “please avoid this colour, bridal party only” is any sort of a problem.

If I was expected to help pay for the honeymoon, I'd expect a postcard.

Cheeky fuckers!

I don't have a problem with a dress code. But I think a dress code should be shared with guests a lot sooner than two weeks before the wedding.

It’s just hideous. It’s making the wedding about appearances and photos, rather than about friends and family celebrating the happy union of a couple.

We managed without this nonsense before. Yet social media has brainwashed people into thinking that the day is about curated photos.

It’s a hill I will die on!

No. You said about "clashing" with the bridesmaids. Who is going to wear a clashing outfit? If they're in bright orange, you can't wear red or green?
Seems a bit daft to me, but each to their own.
I've always managed to dress myself appropriately for any wedding venue, and I suspect most adults can! 😉

It always costs to go to weddings. Car parks / taxis / accommodation etc is just part of normal. I don't get the emphasis on a second wedding. So what. The dress code being last minute is off. The rest is normal.

It’s annoying if people already know what they were going to wear and then are told that they mustn’t wear green (say).

We laid on a bus to and from our wedding since it was in a the countryside about 20 minutes outside of the city where most people live or were staying, most of my friends have done the same. Everyone did club together to tip the driver but there’s no way I would have charged guests!

Asking for money for your second honeymoon does seem really cheeky.

Never been to a wedding with a dress code, surely it’s obvious from the venue and season what’s appropriate?!

This ⬆️

You shouldn't wear green at a wedding anyway..... it's considered unlucky 😂😁

I agree with you, OP, but I would just ignore the honeymoon fund request and buy them a nice present or give them cash, and I would completely ignore the last minute dress code request. Surely they won’t turn you away of you’re not wearing the colour/type of clothes theyre trying to impose?

I can’t wait for the tide to turn and weddings to become about love, joy, fun and celebrating the marriage of a couple again. Hopefully in time for my kids’ turn!

I will die on that hill too!

I can just imagine my mother and her cronies dismissing dress codes as "A piece of nonsense"

Who cares if guests wear similar colours. Is the bride going to stand at the door and tell them they can't come in or tell them they can't be in the photos?

Social media has a lot of nonsense to answer for.

So is white and black … although I once went to a very smart wedding in New Jersey and all the women were wearing black so I looked a bit weird in my red outfit.

I'm so confused lol I've literally never been to a wedding where I haven't had to drive or get a taxi there.

If you feel strongly about the monetary gift, I would usually say buy something else eg a bottle of champagne. However, given it is likely a close family member as you can't avoid going, I think either something personal you had planned anyway, or something towards the wedding such as the cake.

For the dress code, it depends what the code is but unless it is very different from what you had planned, or something you could easily accommodate, I would wear what you planned anyway. If asked, obviously say you were notified too late and had already bought your outfit.

I've only ever seen black tie and that's because it isn'r the norm. The DC ha e wedding invitations flooding the mat at present. None have had a dress code. People know what to wear to a wedding.

I can't remember if we did or not. If we did it was probably smart casual or possibly lounge suit (it was a long time ago). Didn't want jeans or trainers, basically. Definitely wasn't black tie, although that wouldn't have been a moral failing either.

Contemptible to have a dress code for a function. My God 🤣

Can't get out of attending OP- why?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

100% agree!

Bit confused by the transport thing? Is this transport from town to venue? Town to church and back? Does the venue not have rooms to stay over in.

We paid for a minibus to get the guests who had flown over, to take them from the hotel/reception venue to the chapel and back again. DH's cousin had a wedding at a very expensive venue (rooms £700+ per night) and knew not many would stay there, so they had a taxi paid for for the evening to run people from the venue back to the nearest town where most people staying.