To think this wedding is taking the piss a bit

[BraveLittleBird]

Second wedding, 100+ guests. I can’t get out of attending but AIBU to be annoyed about the following:

Remote venue which means either driving or paying for taxis. Some transport has been laid on but guests are being charged to use it

A honeymoon fund complete with bank details

A dress code request only shared 2 weeks before the day when most people will have bought outfits

There are other minor things but these have particularly annoyed me as the first two seem tight and grabby - you don’t invite people then expect them to pay and if you can afford a big do you should pay for your own bloody holiday. The third is just thoughtless and sums up the ‘all about them never mind their guests’ attitude.

I’m sure there are worse bride/groomzillas out there but AIBU to find this a bit of a piss take when we’re already spending several hundred on accommodation as we don’t live nearby.

That's not the Mumsnet way.

You're supposed to accept the invitation and then start a thread moaning about how much you don't want to go, but couldn't possibly refuse 🙄

Is it an actual dress code? Like how Black tie is a thing for black tie events or just some random words thrown together like "formal country whimsy"?

I've been to remote weddings and contributed to honeymoons either by cash or experiences.
Any wedding invitation that dictates what I have to wear will be declined.

I appreciate not all venues are very accessible but if you choose one that isn’t I think it’s extremely cheeky to then charge people to get there.

Don't be ridiculous.

If people can't drive or don't want to, it's nice of the B&G to sort out transport to save someone else having to organise it.

As if you expect them to pay to get you there.

Now that really IS cheeky!

The late notice of the dress code is out og order. I’m ok with the rest but do wish people would consider their guests more when choosing venues

What would they even do if you didn't dress according to the dress code?
Not include you in the photos?
Oh well. Does that matter?

If the dress code is hyper specific and dictates that I have to source something else entirely, that would piss me off as I like to have my outfit sorted well in advance of a wedding,

Re accommodation cost, we need to stay 2 nights due to timings and that was the cheapest Airbnb we could find.

Can someone explain why dress codes are a thing these days! I would be irritated given only 2 weeks notice! Just seems odd TBH.

But if you're unhappy about that why did you accept the invitation?

It makes no sense.

I’d go with a Lidl bottle of champagne as a present and wear anything I already have that’s the closest to the dress code/colour scheme.

You are not sharing bank details you are doing a balance transfer you could maybe do it through PayPal if you are worried.what you see acceptable or not is neither here nor there, it is what they want 100+ guests is fine for a wedding, it does come across as you think the whole thing tacky !

Unless it’s a town centre wedding, surely you usually have to drive/uber to weddings? I agree with a pp that it’s thoughtful of the couple to have organised transport for those who don’t want to drive - why should they pay for it too?

Apart from the dress code YABU

2 nights makes no sense! Also, I'm wondering if the dress code was a reminder, but you didn't notice it in the invitation.

Oh is dress code just no shorts or beach wear kind of thing?

How much are they asking for the transport , is everyone having to stay 2 days?

So Auntie Doris has to hand over a fiver to the driver before she can get on the coach at the end of the night? That's tight behaviour from the couple.

What is the dress code? If it is “Please don’t wear a floor length white ballgown as everyone will think you’re the bride” then maybe it’s fair enough.

If it is “Wear something from the 1920s in maroon” then that is super annoying.

I genuinely can't get over the OP expecting the B&G to pay to transport the guests to the wedding.

Remote venue which means either driving or paying for taxis. Some transport has been laid on but guests are being charged to use it

This is completely normal if you are making the personal decision not to drive yourself there.

Surely a "fiver" is better than a £30 on fuel or an expensive taxi?

The first 2 wouldn’t bother me, you’d have to pay if you were driving or taking a taxi, nice of the B&G to sort transport but you can’t really expect them to pay for it!
The honeymoon fund, we said we didn’t want gifts but everyone kept asking so we just said vouchers or money as we already had a home together. Surely it’s better to contribute to their honeymoon than them ending up with 50 gifts they don’t want or need!
The dress code 2 weeks before would piss me off! Most people have already chosen their outfit by then! Unless it was in the original invite and this was just a reminder?

Dress code is related to the venue, I think most people will have worked out what’s appropriate before choosing an outfit but to be told with 2 weeks notice that x is definitely not allowed just seems a bit off.

Perhaps I’m old fashioned but I see second weddings as being happy occasions but a bit more low key bearing in mind many people will have attended the first. I’m divorced myself and if I ever marry again that’s the way I’d go.

Same as post above, tell them you have your outfit but a holiday fund is sensible, they wont need anything.

Do the same posters who resent honeymoon funds also resent (infantile) wedding lists? The former is mostly driven by a majority of modern couples cohabiting for lengthy periods before marriage, meaning traditional gifts like things for the home aren’t needed or wanted. I’d rather contribute to a honey moon fund than buy someone a set of nondescript wine glasses etc from a John Lewis wedding list. One wedding I attended had an art fund, which makes a lot of sense to me.

I despise anyone who stipulates a dress code for a wedding.