Ex partner introduced our son to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”

[Pinkie89]

Ex partner introduced our son (7) to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”.
AIBU to think this is abnormal and concerning? Honestly I’m so angry and he’s completely betrayed my trust. I asked him out right who this girl was 2 weeks ago after my son mentioned her and whether it was someone he was dating and he said no it’s a friend, a few days later he’s posting her on Instagram and evidently she’s not just a friend.
I don’t think he’s known her long, they spent the last 2 Saturdays together, with my son. In my eyes that is not taking it slow and he shouldn’t be introducing him to people he’s know 5 mins! He’s done this once before and it ended within a month and my son is still upset he doesn’t get to see her dogs… 2 years later! Now he’s excited about this ones cats! My mum introduced me to lots of men which really wasn’t nice so I don’t know if this is clouding my judgement? But I would never introduce him to someone I was “taking it slow with”.

No right to any information?! Where’s the safeguarding here?

Why can't he just focus on his son?

And keep his private life separate?

Why are men so eager to set up a new family unit? Its like they have a default, make a family, break a family, build a new one, getting carried away with the idealism of the new little family, dump, start again.

Was he a good partner when you where together. Because if he was a lazy sod, he just wants a women around to play mum.

Sorry didn't see your more recent post. He sounds like a fool.

Ok he can introduce him to whoever he likes… murderers, predators, drug users and it would be none of my business because he’s not with me at that time? You can’t be serious?

Sometimes people make it impossible for us to do anything but lie. If he'd said she was more than a friend, you would have tried to forbid her from spending time with your son. He denied she's more than a friend, and you want to nail him for lying. There is no way he can do anything but lose in this situation.

I don't even know what "taking it slow" means; maybe it means something different to you than it does to your ex. Is he posting her on instagram as his official new girlfriend? As a friend he does weekend stuff with? You can't expect him to see everything the way you see it, and if you're going to lay down the law and tell him his son can't meet his friends, then of course he is going to lie. You have left him no option, and to be honest he probably thinks you're over-reacting.

Thank god someone else said it because honestly, I’m at a loss!

Sadly you don't get a say but I think you should have been dating at least a year before introducing

Why are you asking your ex about his relationship status though?

Is your ex in the habit of hanging out with murderers, drug pushers and pedos?

How can you be entirely confident that one of your friends isn't a drug pusher, a murderer, or a pedo? Should your ex be allowed a veto on who your child gets to meet when he is with you?

a few days later he’s posting her on Instagram
why are you stalking him on social media? That will never end well.

It's understandable you are miffed, but there's nothing you can do. He's an equal parent, you do not get to tell him how he runs his life or spend time with his own child.

How many children do you have?

I didn’t say that she could or should interfere.

Though on that subject, if it was me, I would probably remind him that repeated relationship transitions are associated with poorer outcomes for children.

Don't be so dramatic, how often does he have your son,does your son like this woman. When do you think he should meet them? What is it that concerns you the most, why do you follow him on Instagram. Do you question your son after every visit.

If it was a friend I’d have no problem (because most likely that friendship would continue for some time.. and my son wouldn’t spend every weekend with her and build a strong relationship).

Likewise, if he was in a long term relationship, also no problem. It shows commitment to that person.

Someone he’s known a month and is dating and introduced my son to in 2 weeks… completely different and yes I have a problem with.

what exactly do you think should happen?

You want to see a DBS for any of HIS friends? Do you have the same for YOUR friends, other school parents etc? Do you have a police check on an adult who has your child for a playdate with your own child?

Because you want to control your ex, it's not about the actual safety of your child? Is it likely his dad will throw his own child to a predator, really?

You might not like your son meeting her but I don't see that it's any of your business. It's not your ex's business what you do when you're son is with you. Don't follow his socials, that's weird, move on, worry about your life not his, he's your ex.

And your ex would be perfectly justified in telling you to shove your advice up your arse. As you would be, if he did the same.

I was proving her statement was nonsense, not being dramatic.

I think he should meet them after a very minimum of 3 months, longer preferably, and when he’s in a relationship with her.

No I don’t question my son, he told me. Because I speak to him, ask him how his weekend was and what he got up to.. like most ordinary parents do,

We’ve always followed each other on instragram. We have remained friends and have a very mature relationship. On the odd weekend he does something with my son it’s nice to see the photos. He usually doesn’t post anything else, until now and with the previous woman he dated.

You’re making it sound like I’m a jealous ex and I’m stalking his Instagram when it’s the complete opposite. He barely posts, until recently, and we have remained friends and have a very good relationship.

it's completely irrelevant what you think though.

If you are together, you can argue about people/ friends your child get into contact with.

You are not, you have no say at all, when your only complaint is that he hasn't spent long enough with her.

it might suck, but that's what it is.

I am very surprised in some of these responses.

Children's safety is always the most important thing isn't it? Minding your own business is for differences of opinion, not about boundaries regarding the safety and wellbeing of a child?

My ex has had 3 partners in the 8 years we've split absolutely no Ill effects in my children 🫣. They have a good relationship with their dad unless his relationships affect their relationship with him negatively it doesn't matter .

I think you probably know full well, it’s not the fact that your son has met her but that you’re jealous,

It sounds like it’s been years since you’ve broken up. You need to move on and forget about what he’s doing. Stop looking at his insta or anything else. What he does in his own time is his own business (providing it’s legal, which this definitely is).

How will you Ex know if he’s met his Mrs Right? He told you they were friends, then taking it slow and now together. Considering he has your child every weekend, and presumably he works all week, there isn’t much other time for him to see her.

You said ‘I don’t think he’s known her long’

You don’t know this, they could have been getting to know each other way before he introduced her to your son.

@Pinkie89 How many kids do you have? You mention "children" but only refer to the 7yr old with this man. What's the age gap between your kids?

Sorry, but that's exactly how it's coming across.