Ex partner introduced our son to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”

[Pinkie89]

Ex partner introduced our son (7) to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”.
AIBU to think this is abnormal and concerning? Honestly I’m so angry and he’s completely betrayed my trust. I asked him out right who this girl was 2 weeks ago after my son mentioned her and whether it was someone he was dating and he said no it’s a friend, a few days later he’s posting her on Instagram and evidently she’s not just a friend.
I don’t think he’s known her long, they spent the last 2 Saturdays together, with my son. In my eyes that is not taking it slow and he shouldn’t be introducing him to people he’s know 5 mins! He’s done this once before and it ended within a month and my son is still upset he doesn’t get to see her dogs… 2 years later! Now he’s excited about this ones cats! My mum introduced me to lots of men which really wasn’t nice so I don’t know if this is clouding my judgement? But I would never introduce him to someone I was “taking it slow with”.

At that age my DC cried and was upset for months over leaving a dog they met on holiday - I really think you're reading too much into that. Why shouldn't adults have different friends that they see more or less of over time? As long as they are not being overtly sexual in front of him I do not get this Mumsnet obsession with ex's new partners meeting shared children.

If he’s already introducing his child to her, he’s not ‘taking things slow’. My (adult) children don’t see their dad now because they got sick of having to share him with new girlfriends.

You're right to be wary of this.. its not fair to any child to introduce them to someone who may not be a permanent part of a parents life .. its confusing and they do remember my son said this about his dad.
It gives a bad impression .

He said she was a friend initially (2 weeks ago), last night he said she was a friend he was taking it slowly with, this morning he’s confident he has a future with her. Who knows what she is but she certainly isn’t and never was a friend.

Who is even responding on these threads any more? Some of the posters don't even sound like people who care about a child's best interests. It's really off putting that people have this opinion and are willing to argue it..it's everyone's business if a child is put in a risky position with a stranger, and especially the child's mother's business.

More often than not it sounds like posters just jumping on threads to tear the Op apart.

Literally everyone thinks OP is right to be concerned. They just don’t think OP can control when her ex introduces his son to his girlfriend, because she can’t.

He's probably lying because you sound controlling and unreasonable.

I know that's harsh, and anything to do with your child is bound to be emotive, but your ex doesn't owe you information about his life, or a say in what he does🤷‍♀️ The sooner you accept that the happier you will all be.

If he's introduced this woman as a friend, where's the harm?
Are you sure your not just jealous about your son spending time with her?

No one will ever replace you, youre his mum.

But if you don't calm down and back off you're going to cause all sort of conflict with his dad and you'll be in for a very difficult next 10 years or so until he grows up.

Hard one to call because tbh i agree with you about making sure before introducing kids to a partner. I dont think it should be done too quickly. So I think you're right that it may be too soon.

That said hes as much a parent as you and his judgment as valid. So its up to him how he approaches this and when to introduce someone and you arent right to think you can override it

Literally everyone..scan back over the thread and you will see there are plenty of responses telling her to mind her own business and that she has no right to even know who her child is around when he is with his Dad.

If literally everyone agreed, I wouldn't have posted.

That’s true though. She has no technical right to know, just as her ex has no right to know who his child is around when he’s with OP. But no one would argue that it’s legitimate for OP, as a mother to be concerned.

The man is his father, he’s presumably got his best interests at heart. You aren’t together, he doesn’t owe you information about his life. It sounds as if you haven’t dealt with the split yet, you have to do that work or you will continue to make yourself unhappy.

Oh do grow up, he’s going to move on I suggest you do the same.

🚨DOUBLE STANDARDS🚨

If a step mum was posting about the ex being pissed off she was introduced to DSC after 5 minutes, Mumsnet would be up in arms and siding with the mum.

FWIW, I agree with you OP - I don’t see how this is in your child’s best interest. Sadly, I also agree with PP that there’s little you can do about it.

Maybe calmly voice your concerns to ex, at least they you’ve tried.

I've been through this, it's very difficult but you have to pick your arguments.

What sort of husband & father was he when you were together - it says a lot about who they really are.

I agree this sounds grim. Everything about shared parenting sounds near-unbearable to me though. I wouldn’t cope at all with any randoms around my child, ever, it just sounds terrible . Hats off to everyone who co-parentsand manages to be a decent parent while remaining more or less sane , it sounds like an incredibly tough gig. Glad I stayed married on balance even though it was also very tough at times in different ways. Appreciate lots don’t have that option though.

I’m completely with you it’s irresponsible and when it comes to who is introduced to your child of course it is your business. What you can actually do about it though is another matter I guess.

So, if OP has a friend round for coffee, while her son is present, is that her ex’s business? Can her ex try to put a stop to it?

Oh dear, let him be for Christ's sake. He's an ex for a reason and stop stalking on Instagram.

It’s not a friend it’s a girlfriend, a responsible parent wouldn’t be introducing girlfriends or boyfriends to their children when they haven’t known each other long. Simple fact.
and I’ve put there isn’t much she can do haven’t I?

The truth is, you can't possibly know anyone within 2 weeks, not deeply anyway, so the best option is to trust the parent of the child to keep the child safe.

If seeing someone’s story on Instagram is classed as stalking arrest me now, and everyone else on Instagram for that matter!

If you had read the entire thread you would know it isn’t a friend.

I’m concerned for my child so that means I haven’t moved on from his dad? I’m not sure you’re in a position to tell anyone to grow up making statements like that!

He was ok. He did his fair share I’d say (probably because I would ask him to) so no real complaints. Otherwise he’s just the same… man child, a dreamer/talker and not a doer, bad with money etc.

I’m aware, but there is still contact which the ex may disapprove of.