Ex partner introduced our son to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”

[Pinkie89]

Ex partner introduced our son (7) to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”.
AIBU to think this is abnormal and concerning? Honestly I’m so angry and he’s completely betrayed my trust. I asked him out right who this girl was 2 weeks ago after my son mentioned her and whether it was someone he was dating and he said no it’s a friend, a few days later he’s posting her on Instagram and evidently she’s not just a friend.
I don’t think he’s known her long, they spent the last 2 Saturdays together, with my son. In my eyes that is not taking it slow and he shouldn’t be introducing him to people he’s know 5 mins! He’s done this once before and it ended within a month and my son is still upset he doesn’t get to see her dogs… 2 years later! Now he’s excited about this ones cats! My mum introduced me to lots of men which really wasn’t nice so I don’t know if this is clouding my judgement? But I would never introduce him to someone I was “taking it slow with”.

He’s gone from it being a friend, to a friend he’s taking it slow with, to someone he’s confident he’s going to be with long term in the space of this morning. So I wouldn’t say he’s being open and honest.

No it isn’t constantly and I appreciate that. But even introducing our son to a new partner every 2 years (if it continued at that rate) feels uncomfortable to me.. that’s would be a lot of partners by the time he’s an adult.

Some people say introduction after 6 months is ok. Agree you can’t stop your ex from doing this.

You can’t control anything he does, any more than he can with you. His choices may be unwise but they’re his to make.
My ex did this and went through a period of introducing DD to new women every couple of months. The one that took her horse riding was particularly difficult to get over, but she did.
None of this is healthy and I did speak to ex about the impact on our DD. It made no difference. There’s no point in getting annoyed about it, it’ll only upset you and he won’t change.

It would be less concerning to me if he introduced our son to someone he was serious about rather than someone he’s just started dating.

No it’s not good to be introducing new ‘partners’ to kids so early and he’s acted not in his child’s best interests doing so. However, he is a parent presumably with parental responsibility so it’s his call on ‘his time’. It’s wasted energy arguing and worrying about it, focus on what you do with and how you support your son instead.

My DH introduced me to his kids very early on. I was a bit reluctant and also he wanted me to stay over the first time too. His reasoning was ‘well you’re in my life now and I don’t want to hide that’. His boys were older, but arguably it was harder for them to see their dad with someone new.
You can’t dictate when he does these things. If it was a new woman every month that’s one thing, but introducing his child to someone he’s dating seems normal to me.

I’m glad at least one person in this thread understands what it’s like. I’m sorry you and your children went through that!

I’ve already told him I’m not happy that he’s introduced him so quickly and lied about it in the process. If he was in a relationship with this woman and had been for some time I’d be very happy for him. The fact he’s known her for 2 mins is the problem. I am fiercely protective over my children (too much so it seems after reading some replies to this thread) and if there’s even the slightest chance they will end up upset or hurt I will raise my concerns. I just thought that was normal as a mum, I wouldn’t dream of turning a blind eye to a situation that could hurt or upset them.

why did he introduce her? im guessing because he wanted to spend time with her and your son was there.

in my experience the majority of men think with their dicks. So given a chance of sex, even if on a day when they have their child, they will jump at the chance.

does he have his child every weekend? if so perhaps every other weekend might give him more chance of having adult relationships without his child knowing. if not and he has plenty alone time to date hes just being ignorant of the child’s needs (ie not to have a string of women in the child’s life coming and going) in favour of his own. shockeroonie. man thinks with dick.

ultimately there’s not much you can do but i’d suggest you tell him to take it slower with the introduction of women to dc (at least six months preferably a year) as he will get hurt when they vanish.

Your ex will then rebuff this suggestion citing this woman could be the one and dc will be fine. However itll play out as you suspect with her leaving/splitting up. It’s textbook. When it happens get him told for the next time….

It’s really hard OP, I understand why you’re uncomfortable him choosing to that and I completely agree with you, but unfortunately I don’t think there will be much you can do.

As co-parents you can only go so far to agree on an approach, it’s always going to be more challenging as exes, he hasn’t done anything illegal, it’s a parental decision he is allowed to make.

It would be fine if it was a serious relationship, they’d dated a long time etc. In this case he introduced him within 2 weeks!

It’s a hard one because I get why you’re unhappy- I would be too- there is literally nothing you can do about it. He’s his dad, these are decisions he is allowed to make.

And so what if it is?

He won't be the only adult to look back and think their parents had a lot of partners 🤷‍♂️

I think this is far more about you than your son.

You sound….. intense. He is not putting your shared child in any danger and so therefore it really isn’t your business.

Whether you’re happy is neither here nor there. He is free to date whoever he likes, and introduce them to his child whenever he likes, just as you are.

Is it annoying that your ex is introducing your kid to multiple women... absolutely.

But the reality is, this man is your child's father and has every right to date who he likes.

Stop following him on social media, stop asking him questions about his love life. He's "lying" to you because you're interrogating him and sometimes he probably doesn't have the answers and so you deduce that he's lying.

When you become less involved, you'll feel a lot lighter.

I totally get you OP.

Introducing boyfriends and girlfriends to your kids at the 2 week point shows shows an unpleasant disregard for the child's feelings at best. At worst it's dangerous. Especially the other way around - if it was random men overnight after 2 weeks.

You're right to be pissed off. I guess all you can do is as another poster said ask if he wants a few extra weekends to his self so he can bang on with his love life (for your sons sake) and at the same time perhaps help your son understand that this new woman (and future women) may not be around for ever. Be friends with her but don't get too attached. Help him learn to guard his heart ...

Honestly OP you need to let this go. I totally agree with a pp who said that using the fact that your son liked the dogs of a girlfriend he had 2 years ago and who he met just a few times is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Have you got some nice fun things planned to do this week-end? Maybe focus more on yourself.

When your son is with you - You get to decide who you introduce to your son. Your ex has no right to veto, you don't have to tell him anything it’s none of his business

the same us true for your ex.

He gets to decide on his time and you have no say and no right to any information- it’s none of your business.

An the alternative is you giving him grief so I completely understand why he’s lied

at 7 as long she’s introduced as dad’s friend rather than a new mum I think you going to have to get over this

I’m surprised by some of these comments. YANBU, obviously. It’s irresponsible of him to introduce your son to women he doesn’t know well himself. It sounds like he has form for this which has led to upset for your son in the past.

There’s no benefit to your son at all of meeting his new fling.

If your post read “I’ve recently started dating a new man, AIBU to introduce him to my son?” the comments would be against you 100%.

The comments might be 100% against OP, but I guarantee that no one would say her ex could, or should, interfere.

You get absolutely no say in this. None.

You can’t control his behaviour so there’s no point in stressing about it.

I would respond to DC saying “that’s nice, I hope she’s kind to you.” Leave it at that.

Thank you for your kind reply. I’m not sure but this was my guess too.. that he wanted to see her whilst with my son. He often does nothing with my son on a weekend, the last 2 he’s had him walking around town with this girl, and then back to his last weekend! Also, he only has a small one bedroom flat… so where are they are sleeping?? That’s just occurred to me now!

He’s a bit of a man child, meets someone he likes, gets all excited and jumps right in… been there and experienced it myself!

Yes he has our son Fri and Sat night, apart from one day every 4 weekends (so 7 days out of 28). He lives 30 mins away and he doesn’t drive so won’t have him in the week. I have also recently been thinking about applying for child maintenance as he’s so far given me £30 a year. But that’s a different conversation and one that’ll have to wait now as otherwise I’ll look like a jealous ex. Basically there’s been a combination of things and I’m a little bit sick of biting my tongue to maintain a good relationship.

I would be very happy to have my son every other weekend, but then he’d only see his dad 4 days a month and my son wouldn’t be happy with that at all. His dad would have to have him during the week but he would never agree to that. There was a bank holiday recently and rather than offer to have him an extra night he brought him home a few hours early!