Ex partner introduced our son to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”

[Pinkie89]

Ex partner introduced our son (7) to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”.
AIBU to think this is abnormal and concerning? Honestly I’m so angry and he’s completely betrayed my trust. I asked him out right who this girl was 2 weeks ago after my son mentioned her and whether it was someone he was dating and he said no it’s a friend, a few days later he’s posting her on Instagram and evidently she’s not just a friend.
I don’t think he’s known her long, they spent the last 2 Saturdays together, with my son. In my eyes that is not taking it slow and he shouldn’t be introducing him to people he’s know 5 mins! He’s done this once before and it ended within a month and my son is still upset he doesn’t get to see her dogs… 2 years later! Now he’s excited about this ones cats! My mum introduced me to lots of men which really wasn’t nice so I don’t know if this is clouding my judgement? But I would never introduce him to someone I was “taking it slow with”.

It is you that introduced the idea of them dating to your son.

You're being ridiculous now. If you thought your son was in danger you could do something about it, but he's nott, she's a girlfriend not a murderer.

Did I? When did I say that exactly?

Of course I’ll protect my child’s safety at any cost. Are you saying you wouldn’t?

You dont own your child they are not a possession they have 2 parents

Not if they committed a crime, and it meant lying to protect them from being sent to prison. And we know you take a very dim view of lying.

Well of course not, but he’s 7. He’s obviously the child in this situation and I don’t expect him to commit any crimes anytime soon.

Can I ask how old are your kids?

To me yes and amazingly to most parents I imagine their child's safety is the most important thing???!!

But to apply it to this situation:

There's no real evidence of there being a safety concern, but you want to try and restrict your ex's right to parent as he sees fit.

In my mind there is an imbalance in that.

It's not like your DC has even suffered yet from missing an ex girlfriend or being sad about something in the relationship. It's all just potential.

What does protecting my child’s safety have to do with owning him? What an odd statement.
I can’t believe there are parents that wouldn’t protect their 7 year old child’s safety at all costs!

Ultimately, the best way to keep your child safe is to prevent his father from ever having any stranger in his house or, better still, having him live with you permanently. So, if you want to protect your child at any cost, presumably you'll do this?

21 and 24. Yes, their safety is paramount. But not at any cost.

I don’t agree with how he has handled it and I have expressed that to him but at no point have I tried to restrict him from doing anything. It’s already done now, there’s nothing to restrict. I do hope he will be more mindful in future though and not introduce our son to someone he has known 2 weeks.

He hasn’t suffered yet with this one, but he did with the last.

So how do you in your own life guarantee you do this 100% of the time, you posting style to me comes across as really odd and dramatic

I don’t want him having the life I had… no father and many of my mums “friends” popping in and out

well you can achieve that by MYOB about your ex's live life & causing arguments when your sin us perfectly happy when he sees hus Dad. And not having men in & out yourself. I appreciate you don't, but you have every weekend to yourself.

Back off. Your ex partner does not owe you complete transparency about his personal life. He might make some decisions which you would have made differently. That is the reality of parenting after separation. Consider getting your son a pet if your circumstances allow it.

I was responding to this part of the comment: “He gets to decide on his time and you have no say and no right to any information- it’s none of your business”.

I said “where’s the safeguarding here?” because the comment is plainly ridiculous. Of course it’s her business. It’s her child.

I wouldn’t let my child stay anywhere unless I knew where they were staying and who they would be staying with. That is basic safeguarding. I’m not saying I have to know that individual personally, but I would at least need to know their name, their relationship to my child and if there are any relevant factors i.e previous children removed by social services, known criminal record etc.

Several of my family members work in child protection, and I have dabbled on the legal side. Having information about your child is plainly important.

Obviously no one can guarantee their child’s safety 100% of the time. To me, ensuring my child’s safety at all costs means 100% of the time where I can reasonably, and have the ability, to do so. For me, it means putting his safety before my own. It means keeping him from harmful situations where it is reasonable to do so. It does not mean keeping him from his father and locking him in the house, away from all people or situations that could harm him in the very literal sense of keeping him 100% safe, because let’s face it, that’s very extreme and not at all reasonable or in the best interests of my son. You can never reasonably ensure 100% safety, and that isn’t what protecting his safety at all costs means to me.

Maybe he lied to your face about it because

1. Of how you'd react
2. He think it's really not your business.

His dad has obviously moved on and is comfortable that she is a decent person to be around him. Unless she starts causing issues for your son or his dad starts reducing the time he sees him bc of her there is nothing else you can do.

It is annoying OP but there is nothing you can do. My sons dad is the same. Third woman in so many months and son (nearly 8) just rolls his eyes and says dad has another new “friend”

He’d known her 2 weeks, how can you possibly know a person well enough in that time to know she’s a “decent” person. In those two weeks, given he has our son on weekends, works during the week and has to sleep he can’t have spent much time with her.

I know there’s nothing I can do, that wasn’t the question.

This entire thread is insane!

Apparently:

1. It’s weird to follow your ex on insta. You clearly haven’t moved on. (We don’t all have a visceral hatred for our ex?)
2. Considering the safety of your SEVEN YEAR OLD child as being the most important thing is over dramatic (what?)
3. You are unreasonable to be concerned about things that haven’t happened yet. You should wait until they do and it’s too late to do anything about it,and THEN be concerned (again, what?)

Honestly, I would bow out at this point OP

she doesn't have any right to check out people before her son meets them on his time. He doesn't have any right to check out people she introduces her son to on her time.

they both have independent parental responsibility.

she knows who he's staying with - his Dad & she knows where he's staying - at his Dads. But she can't stop his Dad taking him somewhere else if he wants to (not that he has)

your relatives jobs and your dabbling are irrelevant at best

EDIT: it dropped the quote. It was in reply to @dinoderry

Thank you. These replies are making me feel completely abnormal for wanting to protect my son. I wish I’d never asked the question.

I thought it was a well known that it was in the best interests of children to not introduce new partners after 2 weeks, and until in a serious and committed relationship. How is that in any way beneficial to my son and where is the harm in waiting until you know that person better. And why does no one seem concerned that my son is either sleeping on a sofa or sharing a bed with this woman.

If your reaction IRL was a tenth of your reaction on here, I’m not surprised he lied to you. Such drama over nothing!