Have you noticed this with your parents as they’ve got older?

[Thesleer]

I don’t know if i’m being unfair. I’m in my early forties and my parents are late sixties. They have a few buy to let properties and whilst not incredibly wealthy they are comfortable. I feel this detail is relevant as it means they have lots of options open to them. Neither work now, they are in decent health generally, have a few grandchildren they see regularly. Both have wide friendship groups and socialise.

But, they just don’t seem happy. Always wanting something else. Is this what happens as you get older? The current drama is whether they need to move house, it’s like they enjoy creating a chaotic situation that simply doesn’t need to exist. Every weekend they’ve asked me to view houses with them (I have two dc so life is quite busy!) and they often comment on how life is nearly over.

On a lesser scale, there’s often dramas about getting home from a shop and the blueberries or whatever being off, calling the shop and having a rant about it, just really insane petty things. It all seems so stressful even from the outside!

I have sympathy in the sense that I can understand how life can feel empty sometimes even when it isn’t, but truthfully I’m also getting sick of the inability to see they have a pretty nice life! AIBU? Is this what happens as people
age?

No. This is your parents, not a general thing imo.

Not with my parents. Mid 80s, still very positive and upbeat.

@TeenToTwenties that’s definitely made me feel worse! I just don’t know what to do to make them see they should be happy with life

@PurpleLovecats would mild inconveniences get to them?

No my mum is 80 and very chirpy and content. She does get tired easier but that's all.

@MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo would she be upset over inconveniences?

You know that people are still individuals when they get older?
We don't automatically start behaving and thinking all the same just because we have a few extra miles on the clock.

Yeah, no. My dad is like that but always has been and has probably mellowed with age.

My mum is 77 and is calm, practical, resilient like she always has been. Does have a nap most days - that is only real difference.

Nope not really!

My diagnosis is that they don't have enough going on in their lives.

Yes, my parents are like this and so is my MIL. I think they’ve always had little joy in life but before they were busier and it wasn’t as noticeable.

I know this was to another PP but no for us.

My mum just moved house - when she moved in they had left it in a state. She rolled her eyes and booked a deep clean. Recently her van door got significantly damaged - she mentioned it the day it happened and then not again unless I asked "have you got it back from the garage yet"

@AnonymityAnonymity of course but some things can be explained by ageing

My mum is early 80’s and not like this. She has a great life and is upbeat the majority of the time. She might email a supermarket if she had bought food that was bad, but definitely not rant.

No minor inconveniences wouldn't bother her other than a quick moan and move on.

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff i think this is the thing… in some ways i hope I am more relaxed rather than less as i age!

I can recognise some of this in myself and my DH. He is late 60s and I am early 50s and I feel our age difference (15 years) is much, much more noticeable now.

He doesn't want to move house or anything like that but he gets so stressed about the most minor things. I find myself treating him like a child at times and shielding him from things. For example if there is a problem with my car or a health issue I will just deal with it myself - unless he has to know. Our washing machine broke down a few week ago and honestly it was like the end of the world. We are comfortably off financially so there is no worry at all - I just bought a new one - but he just seems so fragile and unable to cope with life stuff at times - drives me mad!

My dc works in a cafe and says “old people” (by which she means the age of grandparents, ie 60+) are the worst for complaining and being mean over petty things.

@HumanOfTheWeek i am trying to think back as to whether it was always like this

I would have been much more likely to have ranted about gone off blueberries when I was younger. Now I'm your parents age I'll just throw them in the bin!

This is interesting as I always assumed the older you get the less the age difference matters.

Maybe it's not true.

I can only speak of my own experience, so yes. Parents and in laws disproportionately upset by shopping errors, always on with an uneccessary home renovation project. Cruise/holiday/mini break/GP appointment was not as expected (ie like in the 60s when all ran perfectly) etc.
I’ve decided to find it charming.

@hourspassed gosh yes the fragile thing! It’s like the entire week has fallen apart if something minor has happened. I do find it especially strange when there is money to fix (most) things. I try my best not to complain as I worry I will start behaving similarly to them

My mum is nearly 80 and is so much more anxious than she used to be. Really small decisions seem to cause such an issue whereas she was a really capable and decisive person before when she was working.

Not all parents no, but my neighbours are like that. They have to be doing something to their house. All the time. Both in their 60s and bizarrely decided to build a massive extension just as their kids were flying the nest. Since then it’s relentless, knocking walls, removing porch, changing the roof (which didn’t need changing) pulling up the driveway, changing perfectly good triple glazed windows.
It’s never ending and a pain in the ass for us with neverending noise from whatever they’re doing next.

DH jokes that they really need some hobbies.