Mine are both retired, got about £1m in assets and about £6k coming in each month with low housing costs and no costly hobbies. I think the history of being raised in council flats has given them a mentality of feeling a need to always be saving or investing (ISAs and property have been the thing for them, they don’t understand or trust anything else…which I don’t actually disagree with).
However, aside from quite a bit of socialising which mostly involves cups of coffee in weatherspoons, and an occasional weekend away “when there is a cheap deal”, they don’t do a lot.
Yet…they seem to be constantly busy, making low budget home improvements, going to every supermarket and budget chain store in the city. They are actually quite useful, they do all my gardening, they think nothing of checking on my pets while I’m out at work. I only have to random mention I’ve run out of Tomato ketchup and my father will walk to supermarket and have 2 bottles of it rest to give me the next time he see’s me. If I need a new coat, my mother will buy 3 of them and quite happily take back what is no use, even though the journey into town is an hour each way.
They both like a good moan, I’ve known them to take a jar of opened budget coffee back to the supermarket and demand a refund just becuase they didn’t like the ‘quality’.
Mine are actually good as gold, but the tightness and moaning in some aspects can get annoying. On the plus point, they are leaving their money to me so aren’t spending my inheritance.
The thing I found that really set them off on a lot of their time-wasting tasks…was when they got the free bus passes, they go into town and back some days for no reason at all other than ‘to get out for a few hours’.
I think just be grateful they are healthy and in their own way, happy (sometimes even the moaning makes them happy, it’s an interaction and they think they are in the right all the time). Mine both worked full time until a few years ago, and they seem to somehow gone from being busy working people to busy retire people…even though they don’t actually achieve anything more now that they have so much extra time.
Don’t worry about it OP! It’s their retirement, let them get on with it. I know they may try to pull in more of your time than when they worked, but I’ve found that as long as you have a firm excuse (I’ve already arranged to meet a friend etc) they are fine…but saying d rather just stay at home and not meet up whenever they ask etc…that they don’t accept easily.
A tip to avoid, if they are anything like my parents, don’t fall into a ‘routine’ with them. Don’t get into a situation such as having dinner with them EVERY Sunday or having a phone call EVERY Tuesday etc. Also don’t tell them too much about what you are doing when, because sometimes when you want a day off from them…a little white lie switching the days around can be useful…so for example if you are going to the cinema on Wednesday evening, and you don’t mention it, you can say sorry I’m going to the cinema on Friday and it’s all booked and paid for when they invite you over for Friday dinner, then when you see them on Sunday for example you can tell them all about the film you saw naturally and honestly, but just not the exact day you went.
Decide on your own boundaries, if you want to see them once a week for 4 hours, try to get that happening as on average, by accepting some invites but not others. As for phone calls, when it’s got very tedious with the petty moaning…put them on speakerphone while cooking dinner and so you are still achieving something and not having your evening disrupted, or put the tv on mute with subtitles…just multitask, so the moaning isn’t so intrusive.
i wouldn’t try to change them, they are your elders and they don’t want that and may be offended, I would just manage your own interactions with them more intentionally.
As for moving house, I’d be getting involved in that…basically to make sure they buy something sensible. If they are going to be in the next place for 20 years or more…a bungalow with a level garden, a wide driveway, close to a bus stop etc. Also if they have a history of doing a lot of DIY, the costs of materials have risen sharply, and so have the costs of labour…so ensure they know the costs if they are wanting to take on a big project. A house move could keep them busy and give them something to feel excited about. They may also be wanting to make this move while they are fit and able to, and I know people in their 80s in unsuitable housing, who can afford to move, but can’t face the process and upheaval.