Have you noticed this with your parents as they’ve got older?

[Thesleer]

I don’t know if i’m being unfair. I’m in my early forties and my parents are late sixties. They have a few buy to let properties and whilst not incredibly wealthy they are comfortable. I feel this detail is relevant as it means they have lots of options open to them. Neither work now, they are in decent health generally, have a few grandchildren they see regularly. Both have wide friendship groups and socialise.

But, they just don’t seem happy. Always wanting something else. Is this what happens as you get older? The current drama is whether they need to move house, it’s like they enjoy creating a chaotic situation that simply doesn’t need to exist. Every weekend they’ve asked me to view houses with them (I have two dc so life is quite busy!) and they often comment on how life is nearly over.

On a lesser scale, there’s often dramas about getting home from a shop and the blueberries or whatever being off, calling the shop and having a rant about it, just really insane petty things. It all seems so stressful even from the outside!

I have sympathy in the sense that I can understand how life can feel empty sometimes even when it isn’t, but truthfully I’m also getting sick of the inability to see they have a pretty nice life! AIBU? Is this what happens as people
age?

you can't do anything, nor should you. I am in my 70's and don't behave like this and neither do my friends/sibs. the only thing I can think of that can be explained by aging alone is having more candles on the birthday cake.

I’m a similar age to your parents, and no, I’m not remotely like that I hope.

I am content, I don’t sweat the small stuff.

I'm in my 70's and definitely not like that! - my MIL is in her 90's and not like that.

What i did notice with my parents though was that their basic personality traits got stronger as they aged, less filters. So my mother had less patience for people while my dad got softer.

I’m 66 and not like that at all
Retired and loving life ( very lucky , I know )

I'm in my early 60s and can't imagine myself ever behaving like that.

You have very miserable parents.

I'm their age. This isn't normal behaviour.

My parents are like this. Whenever they tell me they are going out for dinner, I can predict what will happen- a few hours later I’ll get a message saying that the food was rubbish/ service slow/ too expensive etc etc.

They weren’t always like this, I’m not sure what has changed.

Would you rip out a six year old kitchen you chose yourself and pay €10K for a new one?

I think that’s bizarre, as well as a huge waste of resources.

I'm so sick of people assigning negatives traits to older age on MN.

Yes it is just your parents.

Yes. Mine kick off at the most stupid and minor of things and refuse to address the big, meaningful things.

I love this, what an absolute inspiration your dear mum is, bless her.🌺

I don’t recognise this in either my parents (mid 60s) or ILs (late 60s/early 70s). They have slowed down a bit, although my parents are still working. In Laws have had some medical issues. They all go on holidays, see grandchildren a lot. Seem 80% happy and normal.

Only one I would say is unhappy but she has to work the most and is tired. None of them care much about ‘things’. FIL likes to complain about things… but he always has!

I was only thinking we hadn't had an ageist thread on here for a couple of days...

Mine are the same age and couldn't be more different - they went through a lot of hard times over the years, but now they have a relatively comfortable retirement and they are extremely grateful and happy with their lot now.

My parents were not like that at all. They downsized without any input from me or my brother and sister and made no fuss at all. They were always positive and out to enjoy themselves. My DF has now died and DM is increasingly frail and about to turn 90, but she remains undemanding, though she’s delighted when I visit.

My mum has become very mean with herself. Everything is a waste of money to them, so it’s cheap food and not eating enough, no heating, clothes and towels with holes in that they won’t replace. They moan about washing up but won’t use their dishwasher, moan about gardening, cleaning windows, cleaning their house but got rid of their gardener, window cleaner and cleaner. They are very wealthy.

The turning small things into major issues is a thing they do. Someone called my mums mobile from a window company. She doesn’t want new windows but engages in conversation with the woman and then talks about the phone conversation she had with them to me for an hour from all angles. Why they had her number, what she said on the phone, neighbours who had new windows, their current windows, back to why they had her number and they shouldn’t be calling her. I said just say no thank you and end the call but get ignored and it continues. The supermarket not having the bread she wanted was a huge recent drama. It’s draining listening to it. She is constantly moaning and unhappy. She thinks she can tell us how we should be living which causes issues. Her health and her neighbours have become her main talking points, despite being in very good health and not really bothering with the neighbours and me not knowing who she is talking about most of the time.

She seems to have lost perspective on life. From what friends say I’d say these sorts of changes seem reasonably common but are not inevitable as I have friends who have parents who enjoy life, are still interested in other things and don’t make a problem out of everything.

It's not an age thing. It's a human condition thing. Your parents just have the twin luxuries of time and wealth in which to indulge in never being happy in the moment.

We all do it, but if you are poor, or running round after kids, working, busy, ill, just got promoted, wondering when you'll get that job, lottery win, promotion, perfect man, contemplating divorce, just fell in love etc etc you haven't necessarily the time to devote to it.

Are they depressed?

Good god - late sixties is nothing, the retirement age is currently going up to 67 and the age you can take a private pension is rising too. In the very near future people
will only just be retiring at this point.

in general I think not working full time is the driver rather than age. People
forget the challenges very quickly and I guess appreciation for how lucky they are declines over time.

I work full time, am a carer for an elderly relative and have a youngish child. Last bank holiday I had one day free and that ended up being taken over by relatives who, though not so very old don’t have full time jobs. I was irritated as they didn’t get my situation of needing to get tasks done on a day ‘off’, needing to get to bed early so I can get to work the next day, not watching whatever tv programme is popular and they want to discuss and not having time to exercise. It’s quite upsetting especially as the day before was spent with the elderly person I care for complaining- they are much older than late 60s though and medically, have many challenges. They too though can’t remember what it was like to work and, as they have oodles of times, have no empathy for my situation nor cognisance of the cost to me of supporting them.

they say youth is wasted on the young but maybe retirement is wasted on the old (or old-ish in this case).

I think the problem is that their life is too easy with not enough challenges. When you have to deal with major concerns in later life such as your own or a loved ones illness, financial difficulties, bereavement, being a carer for someone etc, you do not sweat the small stuff or complain about inconsquential issues. Your parents need to count their blessings. Undoubtably a time will come when they will have important issues to deal with.

In a vague way I dont think you have described your parents as much as you have described how you really don't like them very much. They've a lot going on, and it's you who hasn't shown much joy about any of it tbh.

I'm old and hopefully not like this, in fact things get to me a lot less than when I was younger. I do get tired though and have to pace myself and sometimes feel a little bit of self pity about how i have to deal with everything on my own. Sometimes it would just be nice not to have to bring the bin in and to have someone make me a cup of tea. I have lots of interests and like learning new things but I have always been curious and enjoyed challening myself, unless it is heaving the bin in and out of course!

Yeah, it’s this. My gran, 95, is like this but she’s been like it since I can remember, and my dad is heading a little bit the same way, although my mum’s influence seems to keep that at bay a bit as she is more positive and cheerful and has lots of hobbies and social stuff going on.

MIL and FIL are a bit like this and were already quite frail and “elderly” by the time I met them in their mid 60s.

I do think there’s something in the not working. My mum loved it when she worked part time and I remember she seemed much happier then

Retired people have time to fixate on things. E g the blueberries, I would grumble, vow never to buy them in that shop again, throw them in the bin and forget about it. I'm too busy with life and working full-time to waste time on it

Retired people have that time.