Have you noticed this with your parents as they’ve got older?

[Thesleer]

I don’t know if i’m being unfair. I’m in my early forties and my parents are late sixties. They have a few buy to let properties and whilst not incredibly wealthy they are comfortable. I feel this detail is relevant as it means they have lots of options open to them. Neither work now, they are in decent health generally, have a few grandchildren they see regularly. Both have wide friendship groups and socialise.

But, they just don’t seem happy. Always wanting something else. Is this what happens as you get older? The current drama is whether they need to move house, it’s like they enjoy creating a chaotic situation that simply doesn’t need to exist. Every weekend they’ve asked me to view houses with them (I have two dc so life is quite busy!) and they often comment on how life is nearly over.

On a lesser scale, there’s often dramas about getting home from a shop and the blueberries or whatever being off, calling the shop and having a rant about it, just really insane petty things. It all seems so stressful even from the outside!

I have sympathy in the sense that I can understand how life can feel empty sometimes even when it isn’t, but truthfully I’m also getting sick of the inability to see they have a pretty nice life! AIBU? Is this what happens as people
age?

How close do you live to them? Mine talks like this a lot, and fills me in at length on the phone about what a load of people I’ve never met (the neighbours, the hairdresser, the woman in the post office) have been doing each week. I’m not at all interested, will never meet these people and usually do my online shop whilst I’m being talked at.

But I suppose a couple of generations ago, I’d have been living in the next street, rather than the other side of the country, probably wouldn’t have been working, or only in a part-time pin money type job, so would have been around interacting with these exact same people all day everyday. So it might have meant something?

Yes it's a well known fact that younger people on buses never put their bags or feet on seats, block the window seat, or refuse to fold a buggy to allow wheelchair user on. 🙄

This!

Why would you take your parents as an example of older people. I’m 67 next month, my husband is 72 (both retired). We have a small amount of savings and no buy to let properties, so not anything like as well of as your parents. We are very happy though. We love life! So YYANU

Yes, but not personality traits

You are not responsible for your parents

I worked customer service at Waitrose for many years and the two 'sets' of people who complained the most were the elderly and ex-employees. I would say it was to create a drama or to get free stuff (which Waitrose at the time was renowned for going ott on).

Not the norm, no.
Maybe they are just unhappy people? And you’re seeing it more now that they (and you) are older?

I worked in a clinical setting for years. The elderly, particularly elderly women, were by far the least likely to complain or make a fuss.

They sound bored. Bored with each other and their life.

My friend of 30 odd years now in her 50s has always been like this , stressed over minor thinks huge anxiety issues , some people just are

I didn't say they didn't, but in my experience and that of my friend's, overall the older people are the more difficult ones. Due to my mobility issues and a change in bus routes, I don't travel on buses as much as I used to, but when I used them more regularly, the young people were usually very accommodating. Plus, young people always tend to sit at the back of the bus and those seats are obviously ones I can't access anyway!

Op mine like that she 80s. Perhaps its loneliness. They forget you work aswell and trying do dinners.. I found she got mean aswell.

I found myself doing this when I hit 50 (I'm 59 now) it suddenly occurred to me that I may only have 30 or so years left and that I should try and have as much fun as possible before it is all over.... because then, there is nothing.

I started making a mental list of all the things that I enjoy and that give me joy and I started focussing more on them. You only go around once so you might as well enjoy it as much as you can.

If I wake up feeling depressed (it happens to everyone now and then) I trick myself into asking, 'if today was your last day on earth' what enjoyable thing would be like to do?

Life is a gift.

I’m 45 and parents mid sixties and although they aren’t negative they are very stuck in their ways now they are older, and do complain about things I would probably Just accept 🤣🤣 I don’t think they were like that when they were younger. As in they will complain to the shop worker who tells them they are at the wrong till etc and I think they are just doing their job there’s no need ha ha. That sort of thing.

Because when your parents were younger, things in the country generally seemed to "function"

Society seemed to function, people cared if thing were done right, they took responsibility to ensure stuff was correctly done, service given.

Now, you're passed from pillar to post ,"not my job guv" .....wasted hours on the phone to HMRC, water companies etc etc.... It's like pushing water uphill!

Public services ran smoothly, the civil servants worked for the public and not for themselves.

Now everything has built in obsolescence, even old humans. If you have a heart attack and you're over a certain age you're given a less effective drug in A&E than a person in their 40's. Written off.
White goods....well a washer @ £1000k, good luck in getting that fixed in 5 years.

And don't even get me started on the sustainability of forcing people into EV's when it's clear the only country benefiting is China who are build ++++ coal fired power stations adlib.
So parents have the perspective of age, and can see how the quality of EVERYTHING has deteriorated and it worries them for the future of their families. Be kind.

I am in my 70's and going to disagree. I have no more need for people to "be kind" to me than when I was in my 30's

I've recently taken early retirement to care for my DH who has a life limiting illness. 5 close friends have sadly died in the last 18 months and it feels like our world is shifting and shrinking. Whilst it's lovely that our DC are off making their way in the world (and they do check in and visit frequently) we're naturally on the periphery of their lives now. I do try to get out at least once a day for an hour to exercise or meet friends but I'm starting to "feel" older (63) due to it all. Focussing on the positives in our lives sometimes feels harder and I am actively trying to resist mentally shrinking, getting help in where necessary, and not focussing on the small stuff. I recall a conversation with my own dear DPs who felt similarly at my age and I didn't really understand because I was so wrapped up in work & DC.

I feel I’m heading down that road @Feelinglistless . I’m 59, both DPs dead, am taking voluntary redundancy due to a good offer being on the table. My kids (19 and 23) are wrapped up in their own world and give the impression that they don’t need me. Contemplating some big changes and trying not to allow my world and outlook to shrink. Thinking I should be happy my kids are flapping their wings because my brother never left home due to mental illness ( likely undiagnosed autism) and that put great stress on my parents. But it’s still hard. Im sorry about your DH, that obviously adds another layer of stress and worry.

Why can’t they “be kind” instead of ignoring the cafe protocol and then being so rude to the teenager on the till about something which is their fault that they are reduced to tears? Whether you’re 15 or 75 there’s absolutely no need for that.

Well said 💪 I’m 67 next month and refuse to consider that I have any less than another 25-years 😃

I do think money would be a factor here though. If you’re on a very tight budget the dirty house and damaged van door could be stressful to deal with and cause a moan.

Not everyone is like this no. Some would be very happy. Your parents seem bored and lacking purpose. They have achieved all their goals in life, no longer have the distraction of work or responsibility and are coasting. The little dramas, the projects and busy work give them an illusion of living with meaning. However it's not enough, which is why they're not happy.
They probably retired before they should have and would likely do better if they had some work or responsibility such as volunteering. We live so much longer now, it's a long old time to occupy ourselves.

Honestly the sound bored. They’ve got too much time on their hands to think (and then moan) about every little thing that probably 10 years ago they wouldn’t have thought twice about. Do they have any hobbies? If not can you encourage them to get some? I would be tempted to point out to them every time they start complaining, maybe they aren’t even aware of it and as they both do it maybe it doesn’t occur to them that it’s not “normal” and it’s just become a habit. My Nan used to get like this. I would take her out somewhere and she would start complaining about literally everything so I would just say oh well if you’re not enjoying it we may as well go home, I wouldn’t want you to be out here doing XYZ if it’s making you so unhappy. You’d be better off at home watching the tv… she soon perked up and behaved herself! It was like cajoling a toddler sometimes, within 10 mins she’s be smiling and laughing, it was like night and day 🙈

Trouble is, none of that is true. Furthermore, it reads like a Daily Mail editorial. And is a complete stereotype of the grumbling old person!