Have you noticed this with your parents as they’ve got older?

[Thesleer]

I don’t know if i’m being unfair. I’m in my early forties and my parents are late sixties. They have a few buy to let properties and whilst not incredibly wealthy they are comfortable. I feel this detail is relevant as it means they have lots of options open to them. Neither work now, they are in decent health generally, have a few grandchildren they see regularly. Both have wide friendship groups and socialise.

But, they just don’t seem happy. Always wanting something else. Is this what happens as you get older? The current drama is whether they need to move house, it’s like they enjoy creating a chaotic situation that simply doesn’t need to exist. Every weekend they’ve asked me to view houses with them (I have two dc so life is quite busy!) and they often comment on how life is nearly over.

On a lesser scale, there’s often dramas about getting home from a shop and the blueberries or whatever being off, calling the shop and having a rant about it, just really insane petty things. It all seems so stressful even from the outside!

I have sympathy in the sense that I can understand how life can feel empty sometimes even when it isn’t, but truthfully I’m also getting sick of the inability to see they have a pretty nice life! AIBU? Is this what happens as people
age?

No, my dad is not like this at all. He’s very contented in life and after my mum died, doesn’t sweat the small stuff.

I do think it’s an interesting observation about people who don’t have much to worry about. I know when I gave up work because we were financially comfortable without my salary, I did start to worry and complain about small stuff that didn’t go my way, although I think that has faded a lot now. Might be more to do with your parents not having any big problems rather than their age

No it is not what happens when people age but everyone is different.

My mum is 100 yrs old.
Bright as a button. No carers. No dementia.
Can navigate stairs with her laundry basket down to the washing line & never ever mentions her health.
Shes out of the ordinary and quite extraordinary!
Loves her life.

Some people LOVE to moan and complain. It is there way of communicating. MIL Is this person.

She Is not happy unless she something to moan about. It is DRAINING

I just wish they were happy with what they have. I have suggested they travel more as they can afford it but last time they did that they complained that the return flight made them ill for weeks afterwards!

I get this op. There’s less than 10 years between us but H sometimes behaves as though he’s in his 80s! When he’s 30 years younger - before the age gap really didn’t seem like an issue.

My dad has gotten like this. Never use to be but moans for the sake of moaning. I call him out on it though as I can’t listen anymore 🤣

Mine are in their late seventies and generally very content with their lot. Are yours happily married @Thesleer? Because it sounds like there’s an underlying reason for their grumpiness.

Mine are like this, mid to late 60’s. I think it’s less to do with age and more to do with less going on now retired.

Ten years ago things were going on that actually were a big deal, plus they were working and they sort of skated over it because they had to.

Now roadworks or a bad coffee is a big deal. Sometimes it even seems like they’re excited by the grievance.

Although I agree with a PP who said it is about not enough going on.

PILs are lovely and do not moan, but they make an enormous meal of everything. Everything is planned, overthought, fretted over. 72 and 74.

My mum OTOH ran a small business till recently, has a dog to walk, friends, drives her van, always has some project on like making a bench or sanding down a door or something. She speaks 2 languages as well as English with real fluency and reads actively / has virtual exchanges in both. She is also learning Swedish, just cos.

I think that is key!

You’re not alone OP, I have observed some similar traits in my DM especially the enormous big deal made over tiny inconveniences, phoning the supermarket every time she’s not happy with something they’ve delivered. And I often feel like she just doesn’t seem that happy which makes me sad. Very focused on illness and death. She’s a bit older than your parents and she does have chronic pain which must make a huge difference, but I do often wish she would make more of having leisure, some money, a spouse, friends nearby. Like you I find it difficult to know how to deal with.

Jeez I’m mid 60s and you are talking like they are one foot in the grave!
The issue is they need something to focus on. My in laws were always looking at houses - I don’t think they had any intention of actually moving but it gave them something to do (and who hasn’t wasted a few hours looking through Rightmove?). Almost like a day out - pick a couple houses, explore the neighbourhood, go to lunch. The fussiness over the food again is something to keep them occupied. And it’s quite right to complain if their food is off!
I think this is the danger for retirees or SAHPs once the kids are grown. Unless they have hobbies or activities to take up their time things can get very petty indeed - and I’ve seen that with much younger people. One who basically became a hypochondriac, another who uses FB to write long rambling rants about this or that.
Perhaps suggest they do some volunteering? Get more involved in their church if they have one? If not just leave them to themselves.

I’ve noticed my mum being generally more miserable as she gets older. Things that are minor inconveniences she takes as personal attacks and it can be exhausting trying to get her to see sense.

for the most part I just agree with her now

This is interesting. Studies have also shown that poorer people donate far more of their wealth (as a percentage) than rich people. Maybe it is a case of the problem-free looking for things to find fault with, as wealthy people seem to look for ways to keep their money.

@Passingthrough123 thats the strange thing, they seem very happily married, very defensive and protective of each other etc. Me and my siblings don’t really have a relationship with either of them one on one, it’s very much that they are a unit

Yes, this, and they get worse! I know several people like this.

They get to the stage when a “busy” week involves a trip to the dentist one day, and Sainsburys another. And both have to be talked about afterwards in minute detail.

Why is that bizarre? Renovating is quite a usually hobby. Just because DC have left doesn’t mean you can’t have a nice house. And a large one. I will move out of my spacious with a gorgeous garden house over my dead body.

Quite the opposite in my case! When we both worked FT and had DC at home then life was busy and I felt we were quite similar in what we wanted out of life and what we wanted to do.

Now, he is very much stuck in his ways and chooses to spend a lot of time at home. I'm not ready for that! I holiday with my friends and have done a couple of solo holidays too, he's just not interested. I want to squeeze everything I can out of life whereas he is happy just being! I don't think either of us is wrong - just different. Luckily we've found a way that works for us but he does test me!

I pull my mum up when she's like that. Sometimes she sulks but generally I think she appreciates a reality check.

This is exactly what I was going to say. To a much lesser extent I also see it in one or two friends who are SAHM now the DC are at high school. Very anxious about stuff I just don’t have time to worry about.

Their worlds are smaller than they were, blood tests etc are a big event so they sometimes seem more boring than they used to be. But they seem quite satisfied with life generally, still go on holidays and out in the evenings.

My mum is 87 and ridiculously cheerful. It’s like she got to the age where she’s delighted to still be alive, and to have a new day to live. Like dogs. Some people just love to moan OP, sorry.

Not with the property thing, but yes with the minor stuff on a large dramatic scale.

Sadly for me, my (previously lovely when working) mother is now the self imposed and very very much accepted, chief of the village.

I have tried countless times to explain to her that leaving me dramatic messages telling me to call urgently is both scary and unnecessary.

usually the content of which is

call me urgently

when I do.

someone left the heating on in the village hall. Can you believe that.

My lovely dad doesn’t keep well and she knows this type of stuff upsets me. But so she continues..

DH parents the same. DISASTER CALL NOW. The telly won’t turn on.

They are happy. They just love to moan and complain. It’s very weird. I mean, I like a bitch occasionally but more like a comical rant.

it is their personality, or persona even.

I am an optimist. They are pessimists

Yes but your post reads as though you think it happens to all people when they get older.