Unconvinced and confused by DP’s defence of strange item I found

[HanhanJ]

DP moved in with me about 4/5 months ago. He was living in a house owned/shared with his ex previously (long story, but they had been over quite a long time before and weren’t living there at the same time at the end).

We are going on holiday this weekend, and I was trying to find a certain bag for hand luggage last night. It wasn’t where it’s usually kept, so I looked at the top shelf of DP’s wardrobe to try to find it. He keeps his overnight bag in there for work, and his gym bag. I moved these to look behind it and there was a sort of drawstring bag I didn’t recognise. I moved this down too to clear the space, and noticed it was slightly heavy so looked inside it. There was a sort of wearable leather ‘harness’ which clearly contained a space for presumably a toy to be attached.

I asked him what this was doing in the wardrobe, he calmly answered to say he had no idea and hasn’t seen it before, and that he’d not used that bag since moving in which is why it was at the back of the shelf. I brought it up again a bit later, he then suggested his ex must have ‘planted’ it in the bag when he was preparing to move out.

I am unconvinced, does anyone really think this is plausible? No issues with him before this or reasons previously not to trust him btw.

Was it hidden or was it in a wardrobe? Where do you keep your sex toys, the coffee table?

Are your instincts saying anything?

The thing is, if he enjoys pegging why doesn't he just tell you? I don't understand why he has to lie. Are you against that sort of sex?

Did he go through all of his stuff individually or did he just shove stuff in boxes?

It’s very plausible that he didn’t check things thoroughly and therefore mistakenly brought it.

You obviously don’t trust him.
Have you had other reasons not to trust him?

Its not a binary choice

OP of course he's used it with his ex!! She popped it in with his stuff when he was leaving! Who can blame her 😆

I’ve said in my OP no previous issues or reasons given not to trust him, I’ll be questioning him again when he returns from work as it’s not adding up.

Technically

Does it honestly matter? It’s was in a bag. He hasn’t demanded you peg him. He’s moved in and lives there now so surely he can keep his stuff? Fine if you want to end the relationship but it’s not like he’s murdered a kitten or anything.

... It's her strap on, not his...

Strap ons are worn by women. Because women don't have penises... right?

He thinks that you are stupid.

What did he think was in it?

I'm absolutely gobsmacked at how incredibly clueless and ignorant you are!
I can imagine you sitting there with your smug face thinking you've solved this, especially with your 'ok's.

Men who are attracted to other men are gay, just FYI.

Women play with their clits too, does this make them a lesbian??
Some women like playing with their mens bums, does this mean that they secretly want to be a man??

A man can feel a really strong and pleasurable orgasm, as their equivalent of their g spot is up their bum.

It is a toy. Used during sex. For pleasure.

I suspect given the tone of your posts "I'll be questioning him again" and "it's inappropriate of him to bring this into my home" that you didn't approach this gentle and are not open to this sort of sex toy? Or is it that you think he is cheating? Either way, demanding to know about something like this is unlikely to invoke an honest response. A more gentle "No judgement, accidentally found this and am open to taking about it" might get a better response.

You’ll be „questioning“ him? Wow… that sounds really non-judgemental and loving…

How did you react when you saw it? Calm, with disgust, accusatory?

If he hasn’t “of” wanted it…
How can he “of” never…

Why all the random “of”s ? It’s very odd.

Strap ons are worn by women. Because women don't have penises... right?
Plenty of men who enjoy being pegged own strap ons.

He is just embarrassed I would say. I cant see what the big deal is?

They can be worn by men to enhance their size or to add an extra member, depending on what the partner they're with is into.

It matters that he’s lied

Well if you’re going to confront him about a bloody harness for a strap on I really am not surprised. I’d try to say it wasn’t mine as well as would a large proportion of the population. Because. It’s. Embarrassing.

It shouldn't be, but it is. You only have to look at this thread to see how outdated and judgmental some people are, not to mention how many who believe they deserve intimate details about their new partner's exes. Talk about overstepping.

I'd be running for the hills if I were in this poor bloke's shoes.

Being embarrassed is no excuse for lying. Does not bode well in any relationship.

I mean you can say all that and believe it with all your heart but my ex was keen on doggy style, then on butt plugs, then on pegging and guess what - turned out I was conveniently fulfilling all his gay fantasies while naively believing all that stuff about better orgasms.

Unfortunately he kept the lie and pretence that he was straight up for 20 years, so I spent half my life in a sham marriage.

I'm amused gobsmacked by your incoherent hyped response. relax. people think differently it's ok.

Not respecting a person's right to privacy doesn't bode well either.

It's obvious OP doesn't like sex toys, which is of course her right.

But if her partner has used one in the past, that isn't something she gets to be judgemental about.

And obviously to all but the completely stupid, owning a sex toy does not and will never mean that someone is gay, or straight or, I dunno, a fucking badger.