Unconvinced and confused by DP’s defence of strange item I found

[HanhanJ]

DP moved in with me about 4/5 months ago. He was living in a house owned/shared with his ex previously (long story, but they had been over quite a long time before and weren’t living there at the same time at the end).

We are going on holiday this weekend, and I was trying to find a certain bag for hand luggage last night. It wasn’t where it’s usually kept, so I looked at the top shelf of DP’s wardrobe to try to find it. He keeps his overnight bag in there for work, and his gym bag. I moved these to look behind it and there was a sort of drawstring bag I didn’t recognise. I moved this down too to clear the space, and noticed it was slightly heavy so looked inside it. There was a sort of wearable leather ‘harness’ which clearly contained a space for presumably a toy to be attached.

I asked him what this was doing in the wardrobe, he calmly answered to say he had no idea and hasn’t seen it before, and that he’d not used that bag since moving in which is why it was at the back of the shelf. I brought it up again a bit later, he then suggested his ex must have ‘planted’ it in the bag when he was preparing to move out.

I am unconvinced, does anyone really think this is plausible? No issues with him before this or reasons previously not to trust him btw.

I'm trying to visualise the harness. Like a strap-on for pegging?

Let me get this right so i am clear.

He's trying to say his ex planted a strap on sex harness in his bag?

I mean if she did put it in his bag, that probably because it was his... why would she want to keep his strap on when they have split up.

He likes being pegged and doesn’t want to admit it to you yet.

If he hasn’t of wanted it when he found it with his stuff he would have thrown it out.

When you say toy, do you mean the harness would only fit on a toy, or that it has a hole to put a strap-on through, but is adult-sized?

Sounds like a strap on harness my moneys on ex used to peg him
he’ll be embarrassed so made Britain’s shitest cover story

@toomuchfaff yeah he said she knew he was moving in with me so put it there hoping I’d find it and it’s cause an issue. He says he has never seen it in his life.

@Frequency it’s not a hole it’s a section where something would obviously fit on. I’ve googled and it’s basically what the first reply describes.

How can he of never seen it when he moved in with you. That means he moved those things into your home. Only he can do that not her.

Surely, if she pegged him, she would be the one wearing the harness? Why would she give him the part she wore but keep the dildo that went up his arse?

My guess would be he wore the strap-on because she wanted something a bit bigger than he could offer naturally.

It’s some kind of sex toy and he should just admit it. Nothing to be ashamed of, we all have our likes and dislikes.

His cover story is woeful and he’s chucked it in to avoid embarrassment, which I get. But the idea that you’d not know you had a strap on lurking at the back of the wardrobe is faintly ludicrous.

Of course it’s his.

It’s not idea to lie about it but he’s probably just embarrassed that you found it. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s expecting to use it with you

Honestly the idea that an ex would go out and acquire a strap-on harness purely so that she could plant it among her former partner’s belongings in the hope that he would not notice, take it to his new partner’s house so it could be discovered and cause trouble is way more implausible than any alternative.

I mean, it was in a separate drawstring bag which is definitely his on top of his part of the wardrobe. He concealed it there, presumably although whether he just forgot to get rid of it or was hoping to introduce it into his sex life with the OP isn’t clear…

agree with @BathroomShales - he was embarrassed about owning it. Sex toys are pretty common, a lot of people own them, it’s not really a big deal.
His reaction was silly, he knew it was there and could have just been honest about it but when embarrassed and put on the spot the easiest way out is often to lie!

So with his cover story, is he insinuating that she has gone out and purchased this item specifically to cause issues in his new relationship? She actually went and thought, how can I cause an issue in this man's new relationship? I know... ill buy a strap on harness and secrete it into his bag. She will find it and it'll cause a riot...

Or hes embarrassed and blurted out he had never seen it?

.

That is an astonishingly shit lie.

I wouldn't be using a second-hand pegging harness, either.

I asked him what this was doing in the wardrobe, he calmly answered
@HanhanJ
If he really had never seen it before would be really be calm? Surely he'd express disbelief, confusion, curiosity?
Appearing calm is deliberate of people who are lying.
It's also a manipulative tactic used by narcissists and psychopaths.

Either way, he's lying.

hahaha I actually can hear him saying oh behave...

It Was obviously theirs before. I’d insist he throw it out. Regardless of what yours or their sex life is like no way would I share a sex item

I actually think it’s possible a jealous or disgruntled ex would do that for a laugh tbh, something I may have found funny in my younger days. If this sexual habits have seemed ‘normal’ until now, I would believe him. I know that’s going against what most people are saying on here, but I’ve heard of exes doing much worse.

Question is would you be prepared to discuss pegging with him as its something he clearly has enjoyed previously.

Bit of a leap from "he likes it up the chuffer and isn't ready to admit it" to "he might be a psychopath." 😂

Tell him it’s no problem , if it’s not his it must be his ex’s and you’ll drop it off for her !

So where’s the dildo that goes with it? Check his other bags. I’d suggest wearing gloves for hygiene purposes.

😁