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AIBU?

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Unconvinced and confused by DP’s defence of strange item I found

237 replies

HanhanJ · Yesterday 09:56

DP moved in with me about 4/5 months ago. He was living in a house owned/shared with his ex previously (long story, but they had been over quite a long time before and weren’t living there at the same time at the end).

We are going on holiday this weekend, and I was trying to find a certain bag for hand luggage last night. It wasn’t where it’s usually kept, so I looked at the top shelf of DP’s wardrobe to try to find it. He keeps his overnight bag in there for work, and his gym bag. I moved these to look behind it and there was a sort of drawstring bag I didn’t recognise. I moved this down too to clear the space, and noticed it was slightly heavy so looked inside it. There was a sort of wearable leather ‘harness’ which clearly contained a space for presumably a toy to be attached.

I asked him what this was doing in the wardrobe, he calmly answered to say he had no idea and hasn’t seen it before, and that he’d not used that bag since moving in which is why it was at the back of the shelf. I brought it up again a bit later, he then suggested his ex must have ‘planted’ it in the bag when he was preparing to move out.

I am unconvinced, does anyone really think this is plausible? No issues with him before this or reasons previously not to trust him btw.

OP posts:
TurquoiseSloth · Today 09:43

The initial lie when put on the spot wouldn’t bother me too much, because embarrassment does that. And the fact he has the item, and a kink, is a non issue really.

But the fact he blamed the ex in that manner and then went on to describe her as being “utter filth” (for apparently being into something that he’s actually clearly into himself as he kept it and thought he might suggest it to you one day)?! Those are definitely red flags.

Frequency · Today 10:10

I don't like the way he spoke about the ex but OP's behaviour doesn't cover her in glory either, going through his personal items behind his back, repeatedly quizzing him about something personal he clearly didn't want to discuss and saying he disrepected her house for bringing in something he used with his ex...

Sounds like OP and her partner deserve each other, imo.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · Today 10:21

Frequency · Today 10:10

I don't like the way he spoke about the ex but OP's behaviour doesn't cover her in glory either, going through his personal items behind his back, repeatedly quizzing him about something personal he clearly didn't want to discuss and saying he disrepected her house for bringing in something he used with his ex...

Sounds like OP and her partner deserve each other, imo.

It IS her house and she should NEVER be giving that up for a man. And he's turned out to be a revolting misogynist. And she didn't go through his stuff, that's ridiculous.

Frequency · Today 10:25

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · Today 10:21

It IS her house and she should NEVER be giving that up for a man. And he's turned out to be a revolting misogynist. And she didn't go through his stuff, that's ridiculous.

No, it's their home. I agree she shouldn't give up her legal claim to the property this early in the relationship, but whilst they are living there together, it is their shared home, and he has a right to privacy and to be allowed his own belongings while he is living there.

Flamingojune · Today 10:48

manateeplushie · Yesterday 22:15

referring to a woman as 'utter filth' for having a fairly common kink that he definitely wasn't at all into and kept the paraphernalia for... what a charmer

Surely the kink is his? But had no idea it was 'fairly common', thats if it is

Inthezone5578 · Today 11:56

So he moved into your home and completely disrepected you by bringing sex parafanalia into your home that he used with his ex. You have a cocklodger OP. I'd be putting this one back in the swamp.

manateeplushie · Today 14:27

Flamingojune · Today 10:48

Surely the kink is his? But had no idea it was 'fairly common', thats if it is

It goes both ways, and while it isn't necessarily happening in bedrooms everywhere, it's also not exactly the rarest of kinks to have - I've seen far odder on this site alone!

Reptilesthatiswhattheyare · Today 15:46

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HanhanJ · Today 16:24

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Why, are you male?

Look elsewhere for your tank fodder please.

OP posts:
Reptilesthatiswhattheyare · Today 16:26

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Reptilesthatiswhattheyare · Today 16:26

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HanhanJ · Today 16:32

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Ah yes, woman who responds negatively to a query from a man must be getting no action.

That confirms my suspicions.

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