AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

[Bigglebiggle]

Have a DD age 13, for the last 10 years she has lived with me primarily and stayed with dad every other weekend and through the holidays. There has been periods in the past she has said she does not like dads and did not want to go, however I have always encouraged this.

I have been with my partner for 3 years, due to get married next year and ever since the engagement DD has been trying to split us up. Recently she has told her dad and school information that is not true, leading to the welfare officer being involved. She does not like my partner as she feels he is strict on her, however he asks her to do what most 13 year olds do, tidy her room, help with chores etc.

DD has informed us and her school she wants to live with dad, however I know this is just a phase and informed her and her dad this is not going to happen, I dont want my child living away from me. Today I have got a call from the school to say DDs dad has picked her up and taken out a court order, im at a loss of what to do, im heart broken.

AIBU to think he is just being over the top and to go to their his house to demand her back?

Personally don’t think this is kind. We are not in her position. She is desperate to keep her child with her. She already knows all of this. Probably doesn’t need a stranger pointing this out so bluntly. Agree with the majority that she should listen to her daughter and allow daughter to live with dad. No smoke without fire and all but we are not her / in her position

She absolutely is not desperate.
If someone was desperate they would LISTEN to their teen daughters concerns about an unrelated man living in her house and why she feels unsafe. Instead she has chosen this man over her DD.

Have you seen her new thread today? The one where she's refusing to let the DD have her personal possessions (teddies and trinkets)?

Go and have a look and see if you still feel the same.

Why do we need to #BeKind to someone who has failed a child so badly? Don't validate her terrible choices.

I had to come back and check was this the OP from the other thread. @Bigglebiggle your behaviour is a problem no matter how much you try to play the victim, your own personal issues are shining through your words.

Sort yourself out your DD needs a decent parental stop playing the victim you are utterly tiresome. .

To be clear I am not validating her choices. My post wasn’t intended to land that way. I personally think dd should be allowed to go and live at dads. I think there is more to the fact dd doesn’t want to live at mums with the fiancé there. Supporting her dd and allowing her to reside with dad would be better for OP’s relationship with her dd. Just think the world is already a shit place.
OP appears to be clutching at straws to try to keep her dd but some comments are not pleasant when the obvious has already been stated to the OP numerous times.

She's refusing to let her child have her teddies. I think that's dreadful, spiteful behaviour.

The world won't become a better place if people stop being blunt with those causing harm.

But what are posters supposed to say when, as you say, the OP has apparently ignored the overwhelming number of sensible comments?
She seems to be playing the 'poor me' card and just ignore if posters disagree with her.
That's supposing this is all real....

How do you take it that OP is clutching at straws to keep her DD? Genuine question because I think I must be reading different threads...

Being kind is a form of enabling shitty actions and behaviours. Call it what it is.

This woman has a new guy living with her that her daughter's afraid of and it's serious enough that she's now at her dad's and her GP changed so there's been court involvement. She won't give the daughter her personal items.

Mom is extremely transactionsl and there will likely be a child support change since the daughter is now living full time with her dad. Follow the money.

Fair

It doesn’t need to be ‘kind’. Op has chosen to be in this position, and she could choose not to be in it by prioritizing her daughter over her partner. She won’t, though. She’s not desperate, she’s spiteful.

This is similar to a situation my friend is in.
He got the call from the school early in the year that his two young teens didn't want to go home to their mums. All because of the "step" dads behavior towards them.
They are only just starting to visit their mum every other weekend and she's still refusing to understand the reason they left is because of her partner!!

6 months later, their dad now has full custody, gets maintenance from their mum and child benefit.

Treat this with the seriousness it deserves or you could lose her...

I have wondered if this is all genuine too to be honest.

If it is genuine I feel very sorry for her daughter indeed.

I wouldn't stay with a bloke if my dog hated him, let alone my own daughter