AIBU to expect vegan guests to avoid preaching at shared meals?

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I’m a flexitarian. Meaning I have a mostly plant focused diet. But if invited to, say, a work event or a wedding or to dinner at my oldest friend’s parents house, I’ll eat a lot of salad, potatoes, and bread. Maybe even a bit of their chicken or beef roast to not cause offense or awkwardness. So, that’s my choice. I have long term dear friends who are vegans. I respect that. But I want them to contribute an appropriate dish to share with everyone if it’s that’s so important to them. That said, I think they should just eat and shut up. Do what works for them and leave other people alone. Judging and preaching at
your host and other people is bad manners. No matter how passionate you are, there’s no need for that. You don’t persuade people by bullying them. Am I wrong?

Sigh. (And I am partially deaf)

But words such as "caravan" have actual meanings. No one would claim their bicycle is a caravan. "Flexitarian" is meaningless and therefore pointless. There's no cut-off point. Do you stop being flexitarian if you eat meat twice in the same month, for example?

It's a vague term. Most of our terms are vague. 'Tall' is vague (where's the cut-off point?) but that doesn't make it meaningless. It's not a silly or pointless word - it's useful for describing a person. 'Flexitarian' seems similar to me.

A closer analogy might be 'night owl' - like someone might say 'I'm a night-owl', and this expression has a vague boundary (how late do you need to stay up, how often etc to be a night-owl). But it's obviously a useful term, and doesn't make people cross! There's a reason why people are cross at the word 'flexitarian' and I'm pretty sure it's not because terms being vague generally makes people cross. It's something else, and I'm interested in finding out what.

Because as various people (including me) have said...

A "flexitarian" is soneone who considers themselves to be vegan/veggie but will eat meat. Which is absolutely nonsense. It them affects how people see vegans/veggies and undermines their dietary choices.

If you eat meat and veg then you are omnivorous. It doesnt matter how often. You don't need another word to make you feel special or different from all the other people who eat meat and veg.

"Night owl" is a vague concept. It doesn't specify that you have to go to bed after a certain time. Whereas being vegan/veggie has actually meaning and definition. So they are not comparative.

Oh joy....the weekly vegan hate thread zzzzzzzzzzz

And "tall", compared to what and who says that? I'm son is tall compared to a 6 year old but he is short compared to a sky scraper. So again, it's comparative and meaningless without context. Vegan/veggie doesn't need context. It is what it is in any situation.

Totally agree, and the fact that the OP is unwilling to cook a vegan meal for her vegan friends makes the flexitarian thing seem especially meaningless. Someone who's veggie/vegan most of the time but can't/won't cook a vegan meal when hosting? It doesn't make sense.

Same. "You don't know what you're missing" to me when I was with DH and his friends and they were all eating beef in the pub. Er, yes I do! Most of us in those days didn't grow up vegetarian. I ate beef up until I was 21 and never liked it! Idiots.

Tbf it's turned into a "flexitarian hate thread". 🤣

I know FFS change the record

But the bulk of your argument is misinformed, and the rest of it stupid.

About 75% of soy is used for animal feed.

Much of the rest is in biofuels, as well as cooking oils, salad dressings, chocolate, baked goods and other foodstuffs.

Only about 7% is used for what you might call "vegan" foods, like tofu, tempeh, edamame and miso - but the vast majority of people who regularly eat those foods aren't vegan.

So you're magnitudes off with your numbers.

If everyone in the world (A) went vegan tomorrow, and (B) replaced every single meat item in their diet with tofu, that would result in about a 60-70% drop in soybean agriculture. It takes 50 to 100 times as much land to produce a kilocalorie of beef or lamb versus plant-based alternatives.

I doubt any vegans actually substitute tofu for mear on a 1:1 basis but, even if they did, they would be reducing their "soybean footrpint" by somewhere in the region of 75-95% (depending on the types of meat they previously ate).

If your "point" is that vegans still have some residual "soybean footrpint", that's incredibly specious.

If someone told you that, through finding alternative products/services, they'd managed to reduce their monthly outgoings by ~80%, "lol, you still spend some money so you shouldn't have bothered" would be a ridiculous position - and its basically yours, here.

Incidentally, I'm not vegan, but I find some of the arguments advanced against veganism to be embarrassingly empty-headed, and more rooted in insecurity in personal choice to eat meat than anything else.

I’ve been pondering the term Flexitarian and surely it just means you eat anything (meat fish poultry etc) so it’s just regular eating really, maybe I am missing something ?

No, you're not missing anything. The term means nothing or to be fair, very little. A 'flexitarian' is someone who sometimes eats meat, sometimes will opt for a vegan or vegetarian option. So, someone who eats whatever they want meat or otherwise but probably eats less meat than some people and more than other people. Basically the same as most folk in the Western world.

Pointless.

I think its really just that omnivores will eat veggie meals but vegans will NOT reciprocate and eat a meat meal. Thats why they are unpopular. I no longer invite vegan friends as it is too difficult to cater for fussy eaters, but when I go to theirs I eat whatever they offer. Thats just good manners.

You are being ironic?
You can't be for real?

Yeah , invite me round and I'll eat Dead Things just to reciprocate and show how well mannered and unfussy I am ............said No Vegetarian or Vegan ever

Would you eat whatever was offered to be polite though? If it were dog, cat or horse meat? If not, why is that?

As a vegetarian I find it funny when people say " I love vegetarian food" or " I'm flexitarian" when really you are just a meat eater. That is fine. Our son eats meat I cook it for him so really don't judge people.
I'm making my own choices.

My son (adult) is the non vegetarian here .
DH, adult DD and I are all vegetarian.

DD has noticed at work that loads of people roll up to the vegan.vegetarian foods to have a try , which if fine provided they wait till the non meat eaters have chosen.
If it inspires them , to eat well prepared interesting foods they might fancy doing a couple of Meat Free Days if they don;t want to give up completely .

They say "I could happily eat vegetarian./vegan" but don't want to commit .

The ones who irritate the bejesus out of me are the "Mmmmm bacon, I bet you'd love to eat this chicken" as if I'm going to leap across and prise it from their hands and gorge till the blood runs down my face .
That's a no.

YABU. If you had to sit down to a meal with a dog abuser, would you expect to be told to stop "preaching"? Have you seen the lives of those chickens you eat? It's worse than prison, and then they get stuffed into a lorry to be driven to their murders. But yeah, vegans are the real problem!

I was an omnivore for 50 years. Been vegan for 7. I can confidently report that my popularity has not been impacted by the fact I now don't eat some things I used to. Either people couldn't care less, or they express positivity and say they wish they could do the same, but like animal foods too much.
Perhaps I'm just lucky to move in circles where people don't obsess over whether other people are eating meat and dairy, where the most important thing about socialising isn't food, and where 'care and welcome' isn't edible.

That’s great, but why did you say it was 45 minutes when it wasn’t? 🤣

I don’t think OP is afraid of causing offence - she just doesn’t want to. Don’t gaslight her. OP didn’t say she cares about animals even though she eats plant based nearly all the time - you do know that people eat mainly plants for lots of reasons, not just “for the animals”? Her ethics are just as valid those of her vegan friends’ - she doesn’t try to persuade her friends that her ethical position is superior and she does not like it when they do.

I eat mainly plants, sometimes dairy and very occasionally meat (only if it would otherwise be wasted) . I don’t describe myself as anything, but if I did “meat eater” would be completely inaccurate. Like the vast majority of humans I eat an omnivore diet. But I have the same right as purists to reject the ultra processed Danish ham sandwiches on the buffet or cafe in favour of the bean and tofu wraps.