AIBU to expect vegan guests to avoid preaching at shared meals?

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I’m a flexitarian. Meaning I have a mostly plant focused diet. But if invited to, say, a work event or a wedding or to dinner at my oldest friend’s parents house, I’ll eat a lot of salad, potatoes, and bread. Maybe even a bit of their chicken or beef roast to not cause offense or awkwardness. So, that’s my choice. I have long term dear friends who are vegans. I respect that. But I want them to contribute an appropriate dish to share with everyone if it’s that’s so important to them. That said, I think they should just eat and shut up. Do what works for them and leave other people alone. Judging and preaching at
your host and other people is bad manners. No matter how passionate you are, there’s no need for that. You don’t persuade people by bullying them. Am I wrong?

I agree with a PP - it is never me who brings up my dietary choices. People are curious and I’m constantly being asked why I’m vegan, what do I miss, what do I actually eat etc. in fact, today at tea break someone said to me ‘it’s just the circle of life’ without me even bringing the subject up.

then - if you reply and tell them why you’ve made the decision, people end up getting defensive and start throwing stupid comments into the mix to help them justify their own choices.

i don’t care what anyone else eats and i shouldn’t have to justify why i eat a vegan diet. And yet, it’s always a hot topic of conversation especially with people I don’t know very well.

I've never preached, but if people ask me question, I’ll answer them 🤷🏼‍♀️

Veggie for 50 years, my experience exactly, although doesn’t happen so often these days.

I’m vegan and I know a few vegans. I’ve never encountered a vegan who was as you describe so maybe you’ve been unlucky with guests, could be their awful personality rather than the fact they are vegan? It is definitely rude to preach to people in their homes. However, on the other side I get so much shit as a vegan, I’m literally in it for the animals, all I want is to not take part in harming animals and yet meat eaters constantly make jokes, attempt to belittle me and bring me down. They try to start arguments, lots of Sarcasm etc. It doesn’t actually bother me as I know I’m 100% true to my beliefs but honestly meat eaters can get very aggressive.
Also I’d say Flexitarian doesn’t mean anything at all. If you’re eating most food groups then you’re doing what most people do!

I lost you at flexitarian 😂 Basically, you eat anything.

Really, how extrodinary? I can't think of a single vegan (and I know very many) who would rock up at a meal without first checking there was something they could eat and/or bringing something. How very made up unfortunate in your acquaintance you must be.

Dairy is pretty horrific. There’s lots of info if you Google. Completely exploitative.

So you're obviously a meat eater, who from the sound wof it doesn't eat a lot of meat, fair enough!
I'm a vegetarian and I would never preach to anyone, my family eat meat and that's their choice. I would expect if eating at someone's house that they would cater for me, I wouldn't expect to have to bring my own meal and I wouldn't eat meat to placate them.

As a mother I was horrified I ever paid for this abuse. Well said!

I don't see how it would cause offence if you ate a plant based diet. If I'm hosting i check what people eat and don't eat. It's not an issue. I eat meat and veg . In have friends who are big meat eaters and friends who are vegan. No one is offended.

Yup, a bog standard omnivore human.

Ah well our omnivorous OP has taken her plant based stirring spoon and disappeared over the wafer thin ham horizon.

But that isn't most young people in general eating UPFs? Definitely not limited to vegans. Also I'd say because I am vegan my kids eat really healthily because I have always cooked with pulses, vegetables, beans etc. They're pescatarian (including my DH) but I mostly cook vegan for them and they can add fish or dairy if they want to.

Maybe meant to tag a different poster?

Fair enough. I suspect the preaching ones are just generally like that, and if they weren’t vegan they would be preaching about something else (religion, or other lifestyle choices).
I had someone preach to me about holiday choices recently, if they were vegan I imagine they would be ‘educating’ people on that too.

probably - you just get people like that in life. often men.

I know someone who told her midwife she had smoked three cigarettes over the course of the day, and then got annoyed when her midwife marked her down as a smoker, because "I'm not an actual smoker".

i dont think you are wrong to think people shouldnt judge others food choices particularly if you are invited to eat with them.
If i had a vegan guest i would make sure there was a vegan option as i would for any other dietary requirements. It would be rude in a social setting to try to judge or criticise someone elses food choices.
What was said or done specifically that you felt a problem?

I agree. I have been vegetarian for about 40 years. I never comment on others food choices, but so many people question me - ‘why’? ‘Don’t you miss meat’? ‘You’ll be malnourished’, ‘what do you eat instead’? It’s so tedious! I’m in my late 70’s now, with no health issues, so it clearly hasn’t done me any harm.

LOL 😂 Flexitarian. You are an omnivore like the majority of the population. Stop making up stupid names for it

Yes, omnivore and meat eater are broad, inclusive terms. We might also want some more fine-grained terms so we can say some more fine-grained things. We don't say 'we've already got the word 'vehicle' which is broad and inclusive - why have 'van' and 'lorry' and 'car' and 'caravan' as well! We don't say that because obviously having more words which draw finer distinctions is useful. We introduce new words even when the things we want to talk about already fall under some other terms which are broad. We might want a narrower word. What's wrong with that?

I'd have no problem with someone introducing the word 'flexitotaller' into the language! We already have 'occasional drinker' - which is a useful phrase. Flexitotaller could be a useful addition I think. And importantly - I wouldn't feel at all cross about people using it to describe themselves...

It's interesting to find a community of people who don't like introducing a new word into the language, and think about why that is. Why is 'flexitarian' silly? Why are people saying things like 'I'm perfectly capable of eating less meat without needing to give myself a special name'. Why the hostility towards the special name? It's interesting!

Well except that “flexitarian” has no common meaning unlike vegetarian (with the option of lacto- or ovo-lacto modifiers) , vegan, omnivore and pescatarian. All established terms which have clear meanings, moreover meanings which are defined in food labelling.

“Plant based” isn’t much better - a marketing term coined largely to promote synthetic vegan foods and ready meals but has no assured meaning. I would assume someone saying “plant based” was possibly vegan but most of the people I’ve met who describe themselves as “plant based” like the “flexitarians” eat exactly the same as everyone else. They may or may not have a preference for whole foods but since the terms have no common meaning and are entirely redundant they add to confusion rather than helping.

What on earth is wrong the the perfectly good terms already available and expressing a preference as a modifier if you have one?

Vegans and the approx 3 billion people for whom soy is a core part of their standard diet.

I think that’s a bit unfair to OP. She’s doing a lot more than most people who claim to ‘love animals’.

I’m not sure why terms need to be so rigid. She has a mostly plant based diet. Why can’t she use a word that reflects that?

Trying to enforce strict terms on how people choose to eat sounds too idealogical.

Eating meat very occasionally means that she’s still making a difference.

I have a friend who sometimes caves when she’s had a few drinks and will have a bit of meat from a buffet. She’s still a vegetarian 99% of the time and I have no problem with her stating that she follows a vegetarian diet.

And jars of marmite - in the UK the popularity of marmite contributes notably to the B12 intake 😀

Because it's important to define some things in life, but other things just blur the lines. A car, a van, and a lorry are different types of vehicles.
We define different types of diets because some people don't eat meat / animal products, or gluten, so the definition is to protect these people from eating things that either harm them or go against their moral views.

I don't drink. Not because I dislike drinking, nor do I have an issue with people who do drink. I might have 2 x drinks a year if I fancy it, or if it's a very special occasion.

I wouldn't call myself 'sober' or 't-total' even though 90% of the time I do not drink.

If you eat meat you're an omnivore. Even if you only eat meat 10% of the time.

If you ask google to define the difference in Omnivore and Flexi it says
"An omnivore regularly eats both plants and animals, while a flexitarian is a semi-vegetarian who primarily eats plant-based foods but consciously limits meat consumption and eats it only occasionally"

But there is no such thing as a semi-vegetarian.

I have no issue with the evolution of language, and I am not being hostile towards the term "flexitarian" I just think that that specific term isn't necessary. It isn't a dietary requirement, it's a conscious effort to lower ones meat consumption - which IMO every omnivore should be doing anyway.