AIBU to expect vegan guests to avoid preaching at shared meals?

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I’m a flexitarian. Meaning I have a mostly plant focused diet. But if invited to, say, a work event or a wedding or to dinner at my oldest friend’s parents house, I’ll eat a lot of salad, potatoes, and bread. Maybe even a bit of their chicken or beef roast to not cause offense or awkwardness. So, that’s my choice. I have long term dear friends who are vegans. I respect that. But I want them to contribute an appropriate dish to share with everyone if it’s that’s so important to them. That said, I think they should just eat and shut up. Do what works for them and leave other people alone. Judging and preaching at
your host and other people is bad manners. No matter how passionate you are, there’s no need for that. You don’t persuade people by bullying them. Am I wrong?

exactly - "I'm flexitarian' because the person hosting the dinner party doesn't need to know that - part of the point of being flexitarian is presumably that you can just eat anything when it's easiest socially." so it doesn't mean anything at all? It would be more meaningful to say 'I don't like sprouts' or "i don't like bacon" etc

I don't disapprove of it, its just a meaningless label that doesn't tell you anything at all but is meant to sound good? Otherwise just say 'I'll eat anything" same info conveyed.

It's always the meat eaters and it's always men in my experience.
I'm a vegetarian and have been one for 33 years and it's the same comment all the time. The worst comment which was often said to me when I was in my twenties and for some reason I used to laugh off, was "I bet you like sausage or have eaten sausage" always said by men.

I have been veggie for over 35 years. I'm very fortunate and no one has ever tried to change my mind and I hope that I have always returned the courtesy.
What anyone else eats is up to them. DH and DD eat meat and fish and tell me about how much they are enjoying their food. DS and I enjoy the food that we chose to eat.

And when did someone last do that, uninvited?

Quite - it's a complete fiction. It''s always the meat eaters that start the conversation, much like this thread.

At parkrun every week there are people in Vegan Runners tops, I just don't get it, eat what you like, don't need to make it your identity. It would be odd if I ran with a top saying I eat animals too. It's as if it's the only interesting thing about many vegans, that they're vegan, and it's not interesting.

I'm vegetarian and lactose intolerant, so usually order vegan dishes.

Never once got on my soapbox, or sought to make a point of my order.

Lost count of the number of times a meat eater has decided to cross-examine me on my dietary choices.

The "because they tell you" joke doesn't ring true for me at all. Personally, I think there are a lot of insecure meat eaters out there, who look to undermine vegans to make themselves feel less shit about themselves.

Sorry, which species are being made extinct here?? Is this an imaginary world where there are no human-bred beef cattle left? Have you any idea how many wild species have been made extinct due to intensive animal farming and habitat destruction due to ever increasing herds of cattle and the sheer volume of plants needed to be grown to feed them?

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Haha I was also going to say it is usually men 😂

Apologies if you've had this answered. This thread is glitchng about.

I've quickly tried to find a sensible article about dairy. This does use a bit of emotive language but it is generally well-balanced and not too preachy or guilt inducing.

https://thehumaneleague.org.uk/article/the-truth-behind-the-dairy-industry

I think they think not eating meat will make humans extinct? 🤣 If only...

If I could be bothered, I'd count how many posts on here are:
-non eat eaters preaching/attacking people who eat meat

• how many meat eaters are attacking veggies/vegans or giving daft/incorrect science arguments as to why non-eat eaters are awful

I reckon it would be 1:3 ratio which says it all really.

It's also worth pointing out that it's a thread designed to provoke vegans and yet we still have 1:3.

Wearing a tshirt isn’t making something your identity. If I wear a tshirt with a band on, does that mean I’m making it my identity. The fact that someone wearing a vegan tshirt makes you have that reaction is so odd.

Nobody has ever actually said to me that they're flexitarian. I think I'd just find it a bit meaningless/pointless as a label. I'm vegetarian and I eat a mostly vegan diet at home, I don't really need a label for ''vegetarian who only eats eggs and dairy occasionally' though.

Maybe it's also partly because as someone who's been vegetarian for a very long time, I've been conditioned to only tell people that I'm vegetarian if they ask or if they really need to know (ie if they're organising an event or inviting me to dinner). I've had so many jokes and rude comments about vegetarians over the years, so many interrogations about why I don't eat meat etc, that I prefer not to mention it unless I have to. So I'm not sure why anyone would want to open themselves up to that if they don't need to.

Also I find it very confusing that the OP eats a mostly plant-based diet but doesn't want to cook a vegan meal when hosting vegan friends. When I'm hosting people I prefer to cook recipes I've cooked recently for myself (if it's something they can eat too of course!), I'd be less confident in cooking something I rarely eat myself. So I don't really know what she means by flexitarian, it all seems a bit of a contradiction - if she's not comfortable hosting vegans and cooking for them then I suspect she's cooking plant-based meals less often than she claims.

You lost me at ‘Flexitarian’ is that even a thing.

I wonder how many of you 'bore off' people would be happy to watch an undercover film of the tortured lives and terrified deaths that the hundreds of animals you eat a year go through.

If you couldn't, that means that you are choosing to look the other way, which you know is indefensibly unethical, which conflicts with your image of yourselves as decent humans, and is why you get so incredibly defensive/aggressive about vegans.

Would you say someone wearing a football shirt when going for a run is making it their identity? Or would you say, it's just something they like and want to support?

A random tshirt is just such an odd thing to judge someone on.

You say it's not interesting and yet you have a strong opinion on it.

That's why I became veggie actually. I was fussing my spoiled cat on my lap and came accross an article about China's 26 story pig "farm". I couldn't reason why one animal is living the life of Riley while another has to endure that. And that's not even the worse thing animals siffer so we can eat them.

I then became acutely aware of how many animal products have pictures of rolling hills on them and have "countryside" or "farm" in the brand name to disguise what actually happens because it would be unpalatable for many people.

(And dont come at me if you think owning a pet is cruel. My cat was a rescue who had a really tough life. Pet ownership is a tricky subject but this was a good thing for her)

I was vegetarian as a child and became vegan at 19.

I have not once come across a preachy vegan, but I have had many encounters with meat eaters who have been rude.I don’t tell anyone I’m vegan and it only ever comes up if I’m ordering food or I’m invited to a meal or something like that.

I’ve been in restaurants and ordered a vegan meal and that has been enough to trigger a meat eater to ask about my diet, which I’m fine with, but then it often turns into them questioning my choice, telling me I’ll be ill, that I’m doing more harm, that I think I’m better, what about bees, mice, canine teeth, but protein, bacon sandwiches. I’ve played vegan bingo more times than I care to remember.

”Flexitarian” and you’re actually setting out your preaching in your post? As per PP you’re not the centre of the universe either. That’s your choice and your vegan or vegetarian friends have their choices. They don’t need to share with anyone else who isn’t also vegan or vegetarian. They could easily bring their own dish to eat themselves, why do you want them to share? Just because you do with your silly flex moniker? They can’t eat up and shut up if there is no food that they can eat, so they bring some for themselves and what, you feel denied? You sound far more preachy than the example you’ve given. OP, you don’t have carte blanche to share anyone else’s food. And you’re cheeky to expect it. Fill your gob with what you can have and leave the others alone, it’s not for you 🙄 it’s bad manners to think you get a share of the food that is not for you.

Agree!

I have vegan relatives. They're also very opposed to organised Christian religion. They can't bloody well shut up about either state of enlightenment.

Didn’t say vegetarian.
We’re plant forward, plant based. But adaptable when necessary. If you can’t understand that, I guess it’s no use to say “bite me.” But take it in the spirit in which it was said. And take the carrot out of your butt, that must be so uncomfortable and probably why you’re so cranky.

I once went on a school trip with a kid who put on his form he was vegan. Us teachers spent the entire trip bending over backwards to cater to his vegan diet in a country that doesn’t have a lot of vegan food. On the last night, he ate pepperoni pizza - when challenged, he announced he was actually ‘flexitarian’! We all have food preferences but if you occasionally eat meat then you are not vegan or even vegetarian.

Jealous of their confidence.
lol. Don’t be ridiculous.