AIBU to expect vegan guests to avoid preaching at shared meals?

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I’m a flexitarian. Meaning I have a mostly plant focused diet. But if invited to, say, a work event or a wedding or to dinner at my oldest friend’s parents house, I’ll eat a lot of salad, potatoes, and bread. Maybe even a bit of their chicken or beef roast to not cause offense or awkwardness. So, that’s my choice. I have long term dear friends who are vegans. I respect that. But I want them to contribute an appropriate dish to share with everyone if it’s that’s so important to them. That said, I think they should just eat and shut up. Do what works for them and leave other people alone. Judging and preaching at
your host and other people is bad manners. No matter how passionate you are, there’s no need for that. You don’t persuade people by bullying them. Am I wrong?

I never, ever comment on anyone else's food so if a vegan started preaching at me about my fish or steak I'd be telling them to fuck off immediately. It's one thing to describe your own lifestyle and how happy you are with it- thats fine, it's another thing entirely to police whats on someone else's dinner plate.

Flexitarian just means 'I eat everything'

THIS! The number of meals I’ve been to over the years where I’ve quietly eaten my vegetarian choice without comment on other people’s food only to have some moron try to bully me into trying bacon/steak/whatever other meat.

Not in any form. Don’t ask why you are vegan / vegetarian then.

What on earth are you on about, OP? Your post is incredibly vague and you haven’t actually said what these vegans have done.

From what little I can gather - because you are a “flexitarian”, you invited vegans over and expected them to be flexible and eat what you had cooked, but they didn’t? And you are now saying they were preaching and bullying?

Maybe stop inviting vegans over if you can’t accept that they are vegan. Completely ridiculous.

I don't eat a lot of meat I don't really like it and definitely only eat veggie sausages and veggie burgers. I'll generally pick vegan or veggie options when out. Our newish vegan friend publicly told me off for eating the vegan sausages at a BBQ as they were 'just for the vegans'. Our host pointed out she's never seen me eat meat she, the host, had made plenty of veggie and vegan food and could vegan friend please not police her guests!

In my experience this has never happened. I have however had many dickheads, of both sexes, demanding to know why I don't eat meat. And then getting offended if I explain about animal welfare.

Yup, I’ve seen lots of goading by omnivores, until they provoke a response - any response, often a reasonable, factual one - they can label ‘preaching’ or ‘shoving it down our throats’. Just juvenile wind-up behaviour. So rude.

Personally I’m more irritated by (and experience more regularly) the sort of twats who say they wouldn’t give up their meat or dairy ‘even if they had cancer’.
I’m not vegan but I do know in every respect it is much more healthful for you, as long as whole food plant based

I count being preached to when people wont stop talking to me about the new brand of car they have discovered (I dont drive by choice) the fact they have discovered the benefits of quitting smoking and vaping (I have never tried either) and some random product they recently found (that I have no use for)

there is having conversations about things I am not interested in that is all fine but when people dont stop going on about it is preaching which is as boring as people who pretend they don't know the difference

No, but the deadness of it makes it particularly gross in my mind. It would stay in my mind if people weren’t compelled to ask why I’m vegetarian.

That is my reason, not heath or welfare concerns or anything else, I just became conscious of what mean really is.

I never bring up my eating choices at a dinner table, but I have still been forced to talk about it because either people ask. They seem determined to hear that I miss bacon sandwiches or that I feel like I’m missing out and making a huge sacrifice.

I have come across some preachy vegans, but considering the grilling I get just for being veggie, I don’t think they are entirely to blame.

Oh well the number of times I've been at events like work buffets where if I don't get in there first there won't be anything left because all the omnivores have piled into the vegetarian/vegan options.

I was 10 minutes late at one recently - there were 2 half sandwiches left and about 30 non vegetarian ones. I was the only person who had specified in advance I wanted vegetarian.

Do you have many vegans over for dinner then? Such a lazy trope that all vegans 'preach' about it constantly.

If I mention that I am a vegetarian there are multiple questions afterwards from meat eaters and you feel you have to justify your choices.
I never bring it up first, it'll just happen say like discussing certain foods amongst co-workers, I usually just say a veggie option or just nod and smile when talking to a customer at work I'll never see again.

Why can’t you provide one dish suitable for everyone OP? Why do you single out vegans for special exclusion and demands?

I agree that unsolicited comments on what others are eating are rude. But you’re setting up that dynamic at the point of invitation. Host or don’t host. Don’t do half a job while judging others.

They are an omnivore who doesn't eat much meat, and wants to sound more trendy.

I am flexible and open minded about diet, but don't call myself "flexitarian".

@Bringing No vegan or vegetarian I know is preachy.

The irony on threads like this is that the vegans and vegerarians have just stated politely that they don't eat meat or fish, and the only ignorant posts have been from meat eaters who have such a narrow minded view about food that they lack the imagination to make a delicious creative vegetarian meal.

You would think that google didn't exist.

I say this as an omnivore with vegetarians and vegans in the family.

You clearly haven’t met a hardcore vegan then!…I’ve been at many meals out/at someone’s house where the vegans have got very judgy and preachy. It’s rarely loud and overt, more subtle digs and trying “educate” others about the benefits/tell us all we’re killing the planet

The human body was not engineered to exist on plant-based fuel alone. Just as it was not engineered to consume vast quantities of plastic-wrapped sludge.
The answer is a happy medium.
There are some (relatively few) people who are allergic to animal-based food, avoiding these is, for the rest, a choice.
Evangelising about this is arrogant and ignorant. Do you want to make whole species extinct?

So what actually happened?
Another one that thinks ‘flexitarian’ is daft, you don’t need a special name to highlight you eat meat but not that much.

Exactly. I've lived with a vegan. She just got on with life as we all do. Her veganism had no impact on me. At all. I ate my bacon roll and she had her overnight oats. Meh.

Meat eaters are the ones whingeing on about others quietly making their own choices. MYOB.

What are their actual words?

If you don't like these people and the way they carry on at dinner parties don't invite them?

I don't know why we needed a full run down of your own eating habits for such a simple problem.

Flexitarian? Stop kidding yourself with I mostly eat plant based but will eat beef etc to appease guests, you are just a regular person who eats everything.
Stop being so pretentious.

Happy to agree that flexitarian is a thing! Or I like to say reduced meat diet as that seems to trigger people less who like everyone to be in a neat box.

It just means you try to eat less meat because you recognise eating too much of it is bad for you and bad for the planet. But you are still happy to eat meat.

Comes on a thread about vegan preaching to do some anti-vegan preaching.

This site is so predictable sometimes.