AIBU to expect vegan guests to avoid preaching at shared meals?

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I’m a flexitarian. Meaning I have a mostly plant focused diet. But if invited to, say, a work event or a wedding or to dinner at my oldest friend’s parents house, I’ll eat a lot of salad, potatoes, and bread. Maybe even a bit of their chicken or beef roast to not cause offense or awkwardness. So, that’s my choice. I have long term dear friends who are vegans. I respect that. But I want them to contribute an appropriate dish to share with everyone if it’s that’s so important to them. That said, I think they should just eat and shut up. Do what works for them and leave other people alone. Judging and preaching at
your host and other people is bad manners. No matter how passionate you are, there’s no need for that. You don’t persuade people by bullying them. Am I wrong?

Judging and preaching at your host and other people is bad manners.

Obviously. However, I cannot imagine anyone actually ‘judging and preaching’. What actually happened?

Don't you want to be converted?! 😉

I wouldn't invite anyone agian who preaches anything whether it is diet, giving up something, the obession with weight loss, anything

Why do people think they are the centre of the universe?

Yes obviously they shouldn’t preach but you sound like you are very scared of causing offence. If you’re round someone’s house and you’re scared of offending them with your choice of vegetarianism that’s a you problem and you probably don’t care that much about animals after all. So it sounds more like you’re jealous of their confidence more than anything else.

What is your definition of 'preaching'?

YABU for using the term ‘flexitarian’.

Why? It’s an easy way to describe someone who adheres to certain dietary principles but is flexible enough to avoid making hosts feel uncomfortable or fearful of getting food wrong.

Are they preaching though or is it just you feel judged?

Of course they’re preaching - they’re vegan! There’s mot much point being vegan if you can’t preach about it, surely? Tell them to bore off!

I think the point is that most vegan or vegetarians would not eat meat just so as not to offend the host.
I feel that you are more unusual with a flexible outlook and obviously no great conviction.
That said, if I felt strongly, I wouldn't eat it, but I wouldn't lecture anyone about their choices.

‘Flexitarian’ isn’t a thing. You’re just a person who eats food. Any food.

Hmmmmmm I’ve been vegetarian for thirty years. The only people who’ve acted like dickheads like this during a meal have been male meat eaters.

I. E not vegetarian at all. Pointless description. I bet "preaching" means no more than not eating the food items they don't eat. With the exception of wild venison I don't eat meat. If meat or chicken is offered I will not eat it.

So basically you'll eat anything but prefer certain foods. That's most people and normal eating, it's not a flexitarian 😂
As for vegans, they shouldn't be preaching, but sadly usually do. Equally you can't expect them to tuck into a steak (which is feels like you kind of do).

Is it a case of " why did you decide to become vegan,Barry. Don't you miss meat"?
To which the reply might be " I am not happy to consume the by-products of a cruel and unnecessary farming system"
Or if it's "Barry......thin sliced ham...mmmmm . This little piggy went to market and didn't die in vain. D'you want to try some go on. Try it"
Then that would piss them off enough to say " no I won't eat an animal that has been intensively reared, slaughtered without stunning and carved up"

Of course they'll want you to know how much healthier and happier they are

This is the reason vegans have the reputation they have unfortunately 🤷‍♀️ the being preached at and lectured at about animals etc and how awful everyone else but them is is past boring now and this is why I don’t invite any vegans to dinner/lunch anymore unless they are bringing their own food as I’m an ok cook with the basics but no way will they get anything other than salad or vegetables if I cook them and there’s another lecture 🙄 nope! Life is too short and having told one bloke to either shut the fuck up or go home last time someone brought a plus one who didn’t mention they were vegan until they turned up and sat down to eat and then said I can’t eat this! I don’t eat dead animals! Don’t you know blah blah blah!!! …

Tell us what this “judging and preaching” consists of. Because in a very long life with a LOT of socialising with a LOT of different people I have never once experienced this. I have experienced a lot of mockery and defensiveness from meat eaters though. I’ve seen vegans and vegetarians being accused of rudeness and “trying to make others feel bad” for simply selecting non meat options. There are posts on this thread perpetuating ridiculous stereotypes.

Flexitarian is not a thing. You eat meat, just own it. We all eat naturally vegan foods, but we don’t say we’re vegan 🤷🏼

YABU for that.

No such thing as a flexitarian, you eat meat and fish, end of.
As for guests who judge and preach about anything, then they should not be invited.

Why would not eating beef or chicken cause offence or awkwardness amongst your own family? And why would you expect vegan guests to bring something to add to the meal but not other guests?

I am vegetarian. Not wanting to eat dead animals isn’t something I’m going to feel guilty about. I’ll either eat non mean things when I’m a guest or not eat at all, but it’s never been a problem.

The difficulty I have is that whenever I’m eating with new people or those that don’t know me well, they always always ask about my eating. ‘Are you just vegetarian or vegan too?’ ‘Do you eat fish?’ ‘Why did you go veggie’?

if other people don’t comment on it or question it, it would never be discussed. Unfortunately, there isn’t a polite way to tell people that are eating meat that I don’t like eating dead animal flesh, so it would be easier all
round if people didn’t ask.

What was the preaching? I don’t think i’ve ever preached about veganism but i would never eat meat at a friends house. I’d be happy to bring my own food if it’s easier for the host and will explain why i’m vegan if asked (i normally just say because of pigs and baby chicks). Diet is a personal choice, i’m happy with the choice i’ve made and don’t feel the need to convert others (despite what the stereotypes are!)

Oh look another vegan bashing thread by an omnivore with vague accusations of preaching.
funny how vegans make people so tetchy, maybe they are afraid we are right. Btw I have no interest in converting anyone at the dinner table, and have never met anyone vegan who does.

@SpottyPyjama has just displayed for me what op is talking about albeit briefly..,. The frequency of “I won’t eat DEAD ANIMAL FLESH!” So you’d eat it alive?:.😵‍💫

it’s the threads you see on here of people hosting dinners in stress as one guest refuses to sit at a table where others are eating/consuming animal products,
who praise their diet of soy and other high air miles produce, but still smugly say they are “better and kinder” than omnivores.

Spoken like someone who has also heard that conversation many times. One of my friends is ridiculous with how she bangs on about eating meat at meal times and how odd it is that vegetarians etc dont. Bore off.

I'm astonished that anyone nowadays makes such a song and dance about not being able to cook a meal, or even 1 or 2 dishes, that are vegetarian or vegan. What a narrow life you must lead.