AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

[Wededed]

We are just about to book a wedding venue. We were going to do next summer but are tempted to do 2028 as it gives us more time to save, and more time to fit in planning/ organising.

But this is two years away!!!

We are well overdue this wedding. We have been engaged for many years. I believe 6 or 7!!

With two young kids and assets now worth worrying about legally. Would it be unreasonable to go and get married secretly in private without telling anyone at a registry office.

We can then have the 2028 wedding as planned but if either of us gets hit by a bus in the meantime then we are legally covered.

One part of me thinks this is no big deal. It’s no different to 3/4 of the weddings I have been to where people are having destination weddings or celebrants weddings at unlicensed venues.

The only difference is the extensive time frame and we won’t be able to wear our rings or change our names without others knowing until after the 2028 date.

What do you think?

Sounds sensible you could do a civil partnership so it feels less like a wedding service?

It would really fuck me off to attend a ‘wedding’ for people who’d been married 2 years already!
the cost and the time etc and it’s not even actually the wedding…
I have been to ones where there has been a civil ceremony separately for legal reasons then a church/ wedding ceremony but they’ve been days apart not years!
Just get married and have a small party .

I wouldn't be impressed if I spent a load of money attending a wedding only to find out that the couple had already been married for nearly 2 years!

Really weird to lie and keep a secret, not even wearing rings to protect the lie. Just get married, have your big wedding in a few years if you want but no need to con everyone

As above, I wouldn't be impressed as a guest

Agree with PPs. I’ve been to a couple of weddings where they’ve done the legal bit a few days ahead because of venue but 2 years is taking the biscuit. Just get married now and have a small celebration.

I wouldn’t want to spend money as a guest for someone whose been married for two years in secret. Have a party instead but not a full blown wedding number two.

You don’t need to keep it a secret - book the register office, have just the statutory witnesses or a small number of guests, and tell everyone else you’ll have an anniversary party in a couple of years.

It’s going to be a lot easier than pretending you aren’t married for two years and then having to surprise everyone who shows up to your “wedding” with there being no actual wedding.

Yeah same
Just get married now have a little dinner or a party you can afford.
And if for some reason you have loads of spare money in 2028 have a big free party then. People will still want to come but it has the added benefit of not lying to everyone for 2 years.

Yeah I would find it weird that you've kept is a secret for 2 years and also be fucked off that I've attended a fake wedding, just get married OP, do you want the marriage or the party? If you want the marriage slope off and do it now, if you want the party then hold out and do wills in the meantime 😊

If you get married, that is your wedding.

If you really want a big party some other time, do that, but don’t lie about it.

I understand your reasoning, but be upfront about it - you want to hold the celebration side later. Let the guests decide how much they then want to spend attending your party. Don't pretend it's your actual wedding

I think the lie would play on your mind no? If you’re going to do it then just be honest about it

Ye have two children and shared assets, just get married and have the reception you can afford now. Living a lie makes no sense and people won’t be impressed when they find out.

If you get married now for very valid reasons, but do t tell anyone, then have a big ‘wedding’ in a couple of years, it does rather look as though you’re doing it for the gifts.

I'll add that when I was marrying DH it was the ‘getting married to him’ bit that I was excited about, not the wedding. The desire to plan it all would have very much worn off 2 years down the road.

I’d just have the small wedding and be done with it. Saves a lot of hassle and money. It’s up to you but I couldn’t live a lie for 2 years and I think a lot of people would be pissed off to find out that you’re already married having bought gifts and spent money attending a pseudo wedding.

why not just plan something simpler rather than waiting until 2028? If you've already got kids then you've got enough expense on your hands without adding a massive wedding into the mix?

Been to a couple of events locally (one where they had already married a month before) in country barn type locations with fairly relaxed menus/barbecues and then a party - might be affordable more quickly than what you're planning?

Waiting 2 years between the civil ceremony and party is just a bit.... odd

Not weird to do it, but weird to keep it secret.

Most of the weddings I go to (including my own) are a party somewhere that fits the couples needs in terms of venue, while the legal bit has been done previously at the registry office.

That said mumsnet does get very weird about this! In real life people are mostly just happy to be invited to celebrate with you.

Well that’s what I am thinking. Only two of a dozen weddings I have been to in the past decade have actually been THE ‘wedding’.

Most weddings are not weddings these days.

Op doesnt want to do that. If it would 'fuck you off' that badly then you wouldnt have to attend would you.

Why bother having anything in 2028?

I don't know why people get so over-involved and miffed if they miss the actual signature of a legal contract 😂

I am guessing they point blank refuse to attend a birthday or an anniversary party if it's not on the exact date?

Posters on MN do hate weddings and any kind of celebration, that might the reason. They get offended if they are not invited, but they also get offended when they ARE invited. 😂Pity the family having to deal with them

Most aren’t 2 years late and an outright lie though

It’s the lying - to the point of not wearing wedding rings that would bother me.