AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

[Wededed]

We are just about to book a wedding venue. We were going to do next summer but are tempted to do 2028 as it gives us more time to save, and more time to fit in planning/ organising.

But this is two years away!!!

We are well overdue this wedding. We have been engaged for many years. I believe 6 or 7!!

With two young kids and assets now worth worrying about legally. Would it be unreasonable to go and get married secretly in private without telling anyone at a registry office.

We can then have the 2028 wedding as planned but if either of us gets hit by a bus in the meantime then we are legally covered.

One part of me thinks this is no big deal. It’s no different to 3/4 of the weddings I have been to where people are having destination weddings or celebrants weddings at unlicensed venues.

The only difference is the extensive time frame and we won’t be able to wear our rings or change our names without others knowing until after the 2028 date.

What do you think?

Don't you think it might be sensible to rea, at least, the OP's posts before jumping on to a 24 page long thread ?

No one will know, most people can’t spot the difference between a humanist wedding and a legal civil ceremony. The celebrant can and will keep it all looking very close to a legal ceremony and to all intents and purposes THAT will be your wedding. Many people go to the registry office in jeans because their chosen venue meant legal ceremonies weren’t possible or they couldn’t get a registrar for their desired time slot. If anyone spots it just say you ‘did the legal bit the day before’
legal protection for you and the kids beats worrying about such things.
almost everyone on the thread will have been to a non legal ceremony at one point and won’t have even realised

Don’t lie, or keep it a secret. What’s the point in the ‘big’ wedding if it’s not your wedding. Just get married then if you want a big celebration with many just have a party x

Get married now in a registry office. Have a big party whenever you like but don't call it a wedding because it's not

I'm probably being thick, but could anyone explain to me the difference between a wedding and getting married? DH and I married in a register office, I considered it to be our wedding. Is it that only a huge affair with an elaborate dress is a wedding? 😕

We did the same with two witnesses, and took them for lunch afterwards. I suppose I don't think of us as having had 'a wedding' as such (we were both mad busy and just crammed it in at short notice without much thought when a cancellation came up at our local register office), but equally, I could see someone else, perfectly legitimately, regarding the same ceremony as a wedding.

I wouldn't say 'our wedding day', I'd say 'the day we got married'.

I would say a wedding is when you get married. If you get married, then have a fake wedding a couple years later, it's not a wedding, it's a party.

She said it's common among her friends to have fake weddings where they've already been married. I don't know anyone who's done that. Much less lie to people for 2 years.

I do know people who wanted a big party down the road but they did a vow renewal and no gifts.

You could get married now and throw a celebration party rather than a whole wedding do.

Get married now, the way the law is written it makes sense to do this. But please don’t change your name. I can’t believe in 2026 women are still changing their names. Do you really want a big expensive Wedding show in 2 years? Most weddings are absolutely awful and a complete pain to attend. Just live your lives.

This is the point. I know of a few people that have had a small or abroad ceremony and a party later, or a blessing, I don’t know of anyone who’s got married, not told anyone, not worn rings etc and then lied to everybody they know about it, to then have a fake wedding two years later.

But if allegedly most of the weddings OP has been to have been something like this then none of them will find it remotely strange 🤣

There is no difference whatsoever. That was your wedding. It is irrelevant how big the affair was or how fancy the dress was! If you had chosen to celebrate afterwards with a big party, that would have been a party. It wouldn't have been your wedding.