AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

[Wededed]

We are just about to book a wedding venue. We were going to do next summer but are tempted to do 2028 as it gives us more time to save, and more time to fit in planning/ organising.

But this is two years away!!!

We are well overdue this wedding. We have been engaged for many years. I believe 6 or 7!!

With two young kids and assets now worth worrying about legally. Would it be unreasonable to go and get married secretly in private without telling anyone at a registry office.

We can then have the 2028 wedding as planned but if either of us gets hit by a bus in the meantime then we are legally covered.

One part of me thinks this is no big deal. It’s no different to 3/4 of the weddings I have been to where people are having destination weddings or celebrants weddings at unlicensed venues.

The only difference is the extensive time frame and we won’t be able to wear our rings or change our names without others knowing until after the 2028 date.

What do you think?

Just get married. Job done.

Yes, a wedding postponed for COVID is a different kettle of fish.

You need to decide on your priorities. Either protect your children now (insofaras marriage does that) and have not-the-dream wedding, or wait for the dream wedding.

Every one knows abroad weddings aren’t legal.

I agree !! I’d have been mighty unimpressed

Most abroad weddings you need to get legally married in the UK first.

This thread makes me wonder how many people have attended weddings and watched a ceremony and assumed they're watching the legal one when they're not.

(One could argue, does it even matter whether it's the legal one or not?)

I’d be utterly pissed if I spent time and money on going to a wedding to find out people had already been married, let alone for 2 years.

It wasn't awful, it was lovely. They had a religious blessing of their legal wedding, the wedding party wore all their lovely wedding outfits for the first time, we shared a fabulous day of food and speeches and celebrations. I used my annual leave and paid for flights and accommodation and I was glad to be there because they're my friends and I love them. I was also glad that their grandads got to share a special part of their marriage.

What!!! In what world do you think that’s correct! I got married abroad and that alone, no need to register it or do anything legal in the UK and it’s perfectly legal thank you so check your facts 🤣🤣

Do it if that’s what you want but don’t lie about it and pretend you’re not legally married when you are.

Alternatively get wills in place and then wait until 2028. A basic will can be done very cheaply online.

My daughters friends got married in Spain last year, it’s definitely legal

@Wededed
Why don’t you get married now as you said with just the witnesses but instead of lying, book the 2028 event as a party/ celebration and explain your reasons. Say that you really want to celebrate in this way, but couldn’t organise it sooner. You can still wear the wedding dress you want, have bridesmaids etc, but just don’t dress it up as a wedding, or call it one, because it isn’t.
i think people will accept this perfectly well as long as you aren’t deceitful.
You may even get discounts due to the fact that it isn’t actually a wedding, and you will be able to prove it!

Sorry I would be really fed up as a guest to be invited to a wedding and find out it isn’t it’s just a big pretend party. Sounds like you are in love with the idea of the big dress / day / photos which are the least important elements. You make your actual marriage sound a bit transactional. Why not get married now and just have a smaller celebration which you can afford. Anything could happen in another 2 years and you may not be able to afford the big party anyway.

I went to a cousin's wedding and found out they did the legal bit the day before, and the church 'wedding' was just a blessing. And I'm still annoyed about all the travel, time and cost, presents etc. I think it was being economical with the truth that annoyed me mostly.

I would be really annoyed if your 'wedding' was 2 years later and you've pretended you're not married.

@Wededed do whatever suits your family. No one needs to know what happened 2 years ago on the day of your 2028 wedding. Literally don’t over think it. Do the legal part now and the ceremony later. Not a biggy!

I would be unimpressed to go to a wedding with all the costs involved and to celebrate a couple when the whole day was a sham.

Everyone’s saying ‘just get married now’, but there’s also the option of booking it for next summer as originally planned, or even doing a winter wedding. Immediately in a register office or summer 2028 aren’t the only choices.

Some definitely are! It depends where you get married. As long as it is legal in the country you marry in it is a legal marriage.
The UK acknowledges wedding certificates from other countries

People on Mumsnet get really weird about what they term "fake weddings".

You have to do what you have to do to make this the best day of your life. If you want it to be a wedding, that's what it is. Enjoy your day.

Just make sure nobody ever finds out. Because... weird irateness.

Just do the register office with the kids and two witnesses. Announce it and then skip the wedding. No-one actually likes going to weddings, they are an obligation and tedious for all except the bride. Spend that money on something for your family.

If she lived in Spain or is a Spanish citizen then yes potentially. But for British citizen living in the UK, then no that is not a legally recognised British marriage,

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/getting-married-in-spain

I am wondering how many people here are up in arms about this but attending wedding non weddings.

Incorrect overseas weddings (with the exception of a small number of countries) are legal and recognised in UK law

You could end up getting divorced before your wedding 😀

Well I like weddings! Most of the ones I went to in my 20s / 30s had lots of friends there for a big party. What’s not to like?

I would do a CP now for the legal and financial reasons

I think the reasons OP is considering this out weighs the reasons not to upset future guests. Some of which she may no longer be in touch with. Hopefully she keeps it to herself and her guests are none the wiser!