Teenager refusing to follow school rules on make-up and piercings

[IcarusFallingDown]

Any suggestions (if any) for a rebellious teenager who doesn’t care about school rules?

My DD is 16, very well behaved in other areas (doesn’t drink, vape, go out late). Generally respectful at home apart from some teenage strops.

She has a real disregard for school rules. They aren’t allowed to wear makeup or false eye lashes at school, today she was asked to remove both, and told the teacher she won’t be doing so, neither now or in the future. We’ve also had a conversation at home and she’s repeated the same to me. I’m getting daily emails from school about makeup and eye lashes, I email the school saying I will discuss this with her, but I am not sure what else I am able to do?

She’s now decided she’s getting a lip piercing, which is against school policy, but again says the same and that she doesn’t care what the school says or does. I’ve told her I do not sanction this and she’s making life incredibly difficult, it will likely result in detentions from the school and emails home, but she just says she isn’t bothered and wants to express her individuality.

Has anybody been through this with their teenager? My eldest is a boy and was fastidious about school rules so I haven’t experienced this before, I’m sure it is common.

Shame as she sounds like a great kid , no drama , no drinking or vaping / smoking .
It is difficult when the school has a strict policy on this and they’re at the age they want to express themselves creatively.
All you can do is let her accept the consequences that she will get detention and also get her to try a very natural no makeup look ( which is tricky to achieve so if she’s good with makeup then that will be easy for her ) I’d advise against the lip piercing saying that has to wait till she’s college age .
My middle daughter’s school was actually quite reasonable on makeup and hair saying no obvious makeup ( think they realised at that age some don’t feel comfortable with their skin so wear foundation/ concealer which can look a bit odd on its own so then the tiniest bit of blush and a lick of mascara was allowed) piercings in ears were allowed and needed to be removed for PE / games .
I don’t remember rules re anything about other piercings but it was years ago .

She hasn't been 'held back', she just started at a different time and she's in the year she's always been in. She's in not much different a position than someone born on Sept 1st - they, too, will be in a class with kids who are still 14 - but somehow that is never a problem.

It's not a big deal, most countries in the world don't bat an eyelid about it - the UK loves to wring their hands about this issue though. Another thing to be outraged by, it's like a Mumsnet hobby.

She has been educated out of year though. Held back is a common way of describing it. They call it redshirting in USA.
Her head must be I could have been out of here if I’d started school as normal. She’ll see other girls perhaps who she knows in real life or on sm off to grown up college in September. If you are wanting to do a practical course it must be frustrating to wait another year.
I saw an interesting bbc article film archive clip this week interviewing kids the year school leaving went from 15 to 16 and they were all very cross about it stopping them getting on with their lives.

This. Be the parent. Once she’s earning, she can make decisions.

That's a lot of assumptions about what she 'must' be feeling. When I was at school I didn't give a second thought to any of that, I just did the exams as normal with the rest of my class, went to uni when everyone else went. I wasn't counting down the days in a fever, I just followed the pattern I'd always known - I think you overestimate the whole situation.

Things haven't been changed for her at the last minute like from 15-16, she wasn't kept back from year 4 to repeat it - she has followed this path with the year she's in and knows no different.

Uniform rules are not outdated though. Teenagers still bully each other over a multitude of differences including wealth, taste in clothing, appearance and many other things.

Uniforms don’t stop this. There are trends that involve all kinds of things, including items that fall within the uniform dress code, and non-clothing trends. ‘It stops bullying’ is a poor excuse to try to force conformity on teenagers.

I would say if she's very interested in make up and beauty she could be more creative if she feels completely unable to go to school without makeup and learn to do her lashes and makeup in a natural way for school that's more undetectable but so she still feels confident. I don't think a no make up rule at school is a bad thing at all and hopefully by wearing more toned down make up for a while she will start to appreciate her natural beauty and be more confident. It sounds like she's wearing make up that, while applied nicely, is very "done" and not really representative of her actual looks which is probably feeding into the dysmorphia she has about how she looks where as focusing on skincare and grooming and just generally taking care of herself might help her realise she doesn't need that much. Do you regularly compliment her on her natural appearance? It might help.

I'm an old-fashioned pearl-clutcher, but I don't think it's practical to stop students wearing make-up in school. How do you define make-up, for a start? And how do you know the student is wearing it (from a teacher's pov)? Yes, in reality it might be obvious, but it's actually quite a difficult thing to police if you're not going to get into very personal and inappropriate areas.

But I think the line should be drawn at false eyelashes and piercings for school. Those are very obvious. Could you perhaps compromise with her - subtle make-up, OK, to boost her self-esteem, but not the appendages of any variety?

I think the Head should speak to her if she's being that defiant, and as pps have said, ask her whether continuing at school after GCSEs is the right choice for her considering she can't accept its rules.