To be so pissed off I can’t sleep.

[Emotionstorn]

Context. Me and DD’s father met in 2017. DD
born 2019.

Broke up last year. Reconciling.

Durinf the relationship I put myself on the back burner, we only did stuff if I paid, I bought him clothes etc. he works full time. I paid all the bills.

We live apart now but have been seeing each other and coparenting. Reconciling to an extent.

I get 200 a month CSA. He doesn’t have DD overnight.
He still gets treats off me etc. Has been hounding me to sort DD’s passport out as she’s never been abroad.
I paid the fee. We went to the cinema on Friday paid for by me.
I put petrol in his car. I also do not have a lot of time to myself and virtually no social life as we coparent he doesn’t have DD alone.

He’s messaged me today saying he’s in Benidorm with his friend. I didn’t know anything about this.

I am so upset and hurt.
I know im gonna get harsh comments. I had a very angry dad and an overly critical self absorbed mum so my views on relationships have been skewed. Most men I’ve dated have had issues. I put up with it because I don’t know anything different.

AIBU to be fucking angry at him and myself!
Please give me a shake.

He’s never going to out you or your child first is he. He is using you as an ATM

stop the reconciliation and move on

I’m so humiliated.

Hes an absolute using scum bag and that money you are wasting on him so he can fuck around in benidorm could be spent on you or your DC or their future.

Give your self a slap, run for the hills and go through the CSA and get the amount he should be paying. He sounds utterly revolting tbh.

DD never goes without I will say that. I make sure she has everything
How long does the CSA take

Make now, this hour or minute the last time you ever allow it and start treating you and your DC to fun stuff as it wont be being wasted on that loser!

I’ve got work in 9 hours and I can’t sleep I’m so upset.
He said he didn’t tell me as he knew I’d react.

I think about 6 weeks if hes earning money normally and not self employed or cash in hand. If its those then probably pointless, speaking from experience 🙄

Well you know what you need to do girl 🥺 - he's taking you for a ride here

You seem to have low self esteem to be wanting to go back into this arrangement with this scrub

Yanbu to be angry - it sounds like the anger is going to help you fucking dump him for good! x

I’m more sad for DD. He never does anything with her unless I’ve paid for it.

She doesn’t need losers like that in her life. Cut him off, completely and entirely and raise her your way, with your influence, family, friends and example.

I’m so angry and upset at everything. Angry at my parents. My dad had unresolved trauma and my mums just vile

I have the worst luck with relationships. Never met anyone nice. Always got dumped. Lonely through autism so I settled for this. Now I’m just conditioned.

So sorry for the ranting.

DD bought a game on her PS5 that’s linked to his card. He asked me to send the £3. He’s had trainers off me this year etc. I’m so mortified why do I do this what the fuck is wrong with me

No, he didnt tell you 'because he knew how you'd react', he didnt tell you because he's being a cunt and he knows hes being a cunt and DOESN'T CARE

Think about what you are teaching your own daughter.

You must know that she deserves better even if you don’t think you do (you do).

She does. I hate myself for who her dad is. I wish like anything I brought her into a world with a nice dad. I’m so desperate to not repeat the cycle. I don’t ever want her to be with a nasty man.

That’s why I pay for the days out etc. I buy him things. Almost so we can role play a happy family. And she can have those nice days out like her friends.

I’ve not left the country in years. I don’t really go out without DD.

His family managed to manipulate me into lending them money when we were together too.
They all love their best lives now. When is it gonna be my turn.

I had a one night stand with someone before we broke up. Part of me wants to tell him just to get him out of my life and make sure je can’t manipulate me into reconciling.

You can't change the past OP, but you can definitely change the future. Make a resolution tonight that is it and your future for you and DD is going to be better. Spend your spare cash giving you both a better life. Take some deep breaths and get some rest.

It will be your turn when you put yourself and daughter first. Know that every penny you spend on him is money that could’ve been spent you two. And him accepting it from you is proof of what a lowlife he is.

I’m so angry I can’t sleep.

My life is utterly shit and I am genuinely sick and tired.

OP, stop wallowing. Resolve to end things with him right now and make a new plan for your life.

You’re the only person preventing it from being your turn.

And no, don’t tell him about the ONS. Give him an excuse to place all the blame on you? I don’t think so.