To be so pissed off I can’t sleep.

[Emotionstorn]

Context. Me and DD’s father met in 2017. DD
born 2019.

Broke up last year. Reconciling.

Durinf the relationship I put myself on the back burner, we only did stuff if I paid, I bought him clothes etc. he works full time. I paid all the bills.

We live apart now but have been seeing each other and coparenting. Reconciling to an extent.

I get 200 a month CSA. He doesn’t have DD overnight.
He still gets treats off me etc. Has been hounding me to sort DD’s passport out as she’s never been abroad.
I paid the fee. We went to the cinema on Friday paid for by me.
I put petrol in his car. I also do not have a lot of time to myself and virtually no social life as we coparent he doesn’t have DD alone.

He’s messaged me today saying he’s in Benidorm with his friend. I didn’t know anything about this.

I am so upset and hurt.
I know im gonna get harsh comments. I had a very angry dad and an overly critical self absorbed mum so my views on relationships have been skewed. Most men I’ve dated have had issues. I put up with it because I don’t know anything different.

AIBU to be fucking angry at him and myself!
Please give me a shake.

Reconciling? You should be doing the exact opposite. He’s taking the absolute piss out of you.

Use that anger constructively to end this situation, now.

OP take this anger and turn it into action, now, tonight. Make a decision once and for all that you won't stand for this shit anymore. No more reconciling. No more buying him random treats (he's a grown ass man fgs). Focus on you and your daughter and get this shit bag out of your life.

Thank you all. I’m so angry and sad.

This is well and truly done.

I’ve got to be up at 6 to sort DD out do the school run and get to work. Can’t fucking sleep. And he’s not got a care in the world.

I’m hurt that he didn’t want to go with DD after shouting at me for months to sort her passport out.

I’m going to book somewhere for me and my daughter for the October half term. That’s when my birthday is. Just me and her.

It’s his first holiday in years. Would be DD’s first time abroad. And he’d rather go with his friends.

Do It OP and hold firm. Don't even tell him until closer to the time so you can't add him on

I’ve absolutely lost my shit via text. Basically told him what I think of him. Now I feel stupid.

He’s ignoring me because of how im being he said. Asked me why I can’t be happy for him. I’ve had to block him I’m so wound up and agitated I’ve almost wished him dead.

Resolve to break this ridiculous cycle of behaviour. He is taking you for a fool because you are behaving like a fool. Stop it now, this moment, for ever. Keep everything to a minimum with contact- why would you allow a man like this in yours and your child’s lives?
All of tonight’s anger and sleeplessness will be worth it if you hold your resolve. You can’t do anything about what’s happened in the past, but you can do something about how you allow yourself to be treated in the future

Resolve to break this ridiculous cycle of behaviour. He is taking you for a fool because you are behaving like a fool. Stop it now, this moment, for ever. Keep everything to a minimum with contact- why would you allow a man like this in yours and your child’s lives?
All of tonight’s anger and sleeplessness will be worth it if you hold your resolve. You can’t do anything about what’s happened in the past, but you can do something about how you allow yourself to be treated in the future

How on earth is any of this healthy for your child you need serious mental health help so maybe go to you gp

So good I posted twice!

You are so right. It is a wake up call.

Im looking at holiday inspo for me and my girl.
October half term. Thinking Berlin maybe

My child’s in bed asleep
Why do I need mental health help? I’m not mentally ill. I’ve snapped because I’ve had 9 years of this. I had shitty parents who I resent because I’ve never managed to have good relationships so god forbid I lose my temper.

You need to stop having anything to do with this horrible man.

anything you pay for is for you and your daughter, you do not pay for him.

I know it is hard, I have realised as an adult that I’m autistic too and have had a rubbish childhood. So you and I have a lot in common apart from I’m older. It makes it very hard to have a decent relationship as we don’t know what one is. In the past I have dated the scum of the earth who have all used and abused me. There are decent men out there who won’t use us because we have vulnerabilities x

So sorry to hear you’ve been through it too. I’m in the same boat. I’ve been used and abused one way or another. Either for sex or money. Xx

Ive blocked his number.

I know, me too. It’s disgusting how these sorts of men use us.

there is hope, I’ve been with an ok one for 20years now. Still annoying at times but nothing like the rest. To find him we were friends for years first and he’s absolutely nothing like any of the others. I wasn’t being lined up to be used and abused this time.

just think about you and your DD for the next few years. That’s what I did with my DC. You focus on them, build yourself up and then the awful men look for a victim elsewhere.

Why are you entertaining him? Are you hoping to get back together? If so, why?

Dump him for your daughter's sake. He's using you. You dont want her life to be ruined by a father who lets people down. Nip it in the bud before it's too late. Why be nice to someone who isnt nice to you and shows you no respect. Just think about it. It doesnt make sense.

Coparenting doesn't mean the lazy f er never has his child alone, it means you both share the parenting time.

He's taking advantage of you and your generosity. Stop paying for things for him and get the proper amount of maintenance you're entitled to

Great! That is your first step taken. Onwards and upwards.

Putting your child in the middle of this weird "coparenting" setup was wholly unhealthy. So he was a shit dad and a shit relationship, he moves out and ye go on weird dates eith your kid around again? That's unhealthy... draw a line. He sees his kid via an access order, away from you.

I think the previous poster probably meant you could use some therapy to help get you to realise your self worth and prevent you from entering these type of relationships where you are completely used.

Don't.

Your are not his mother.

See to your kid's needs and not his.